Asked by sillyskittles456 on
My parents want me to break up with my boyfriend..?
First, i am 15 and he is 16. anyway, my parents have been talking to me lately about breaking up with my boyfriend. we've been dating for over a year! they want me to start dating other people because they think thats its unhealthy for someone my age to be in a relationship for that long. they want me to have normal highschool relationships. also, they think he treats my poorly, but thats only because when i talk to them about my boyfriend, its usually about something bad. they keep telling me that they want me to do it soon, but i just cant get my self to do. i dont know what to do right now! i still have all of my feelings for him but it's just too hard for me because we are so close! i dont know what to do or how to cope with this, please help me! yes he is a sweet guy to me most of the time, but lately we fight or stupid pointless stuff. when we do fight its horrible, but after or the next day he'll apologize and stuff, but then he goes back to the guy that wants to be all sexual with me. sometimes it feels like hes using me, but yet i still have feelings for him. i dont know what to do! :(
also, my parents said they dont want to see me and him together and if i go behind their backs they will be upset with me, they say they are doing it for the best of me. please help!
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I've seen one couple in particular that have been together since grade 8 and now they are in their late forties. Also, I've seen high school sweethearts get married and break up shortly after. What did your parents do? His parents? Your parents probably are trying in their own way to look out for your best interests. They don't want you to get hurt. But, it's hard to break up with someone because they tell you to. Heck, it's hard when your 20, 30 or any age. At any age, there are problems in relationships. Problems can develop when couples spend way too much time together. If you forget about persuing your personal interests and just focus on the relationship alone, that can cause frustration, boredom and arguements. I think maybe your parents just don't want you to lose sight of all the things in life you may be passing by from being soo involved with this boy. I don't think it's bad that you feel strongly for him. That's sweet. But, as time goes on, you'll need other interests besides just him. Hope you are not losing sight of your own desires and dreams and ambitions in life. Msybe it wouldn't hurt to spend a little less time with him and spend some time thinking about where you want to be in five years. Tough question but, it's worth looking into. You kids(you and your beau) are not siamese twins and I'm not saying you should break up but, really, time spent away from each other to persue your own interests will only enrich your friendship with him. Arguing about pointless stuff leads me to believe you are bored and have nothing to talk about. Enrich your own life. Often people get married and think that being in love will solve all problems. Don't forget yourself.
Usually parents don't take the nuclear option of forbidding a relationship unless they see something that is really, really unhealthy. So I'll just say that first. Because you are stuck between your boyfriend and your parents and because your feelings about your boyfriend are confused, I really think you should take some time and analyze the situation logically. In order to do that, you need to be able to take a step back from the situation-- so if you are being sexually intimate with your boyfriend, you really need to stop until you've worked everything out as far as your parents and what you want to do about the situation. I know maybe that seems unfair, but sexual activity creates bonding hormones in women which will just further cloud and already clouded situation. Here are some questions to consider to start you off.
Are your parents in the habit of making ultimatums and meddling in your personal relationships? By that I mean, how do they feel about your other friends? If you have another friend that they don't care for, do they make it difficult for you to see her? Do they encourage you to take opportunities to go out and meet new people? Do they tend to be overprotective or do they encourage you to settle your problems yourself? Does your boyfriend make an effort to come to your house so that your parents can get a chance to know him? Have your parents seen your interactions with him? Have you asked your parents exactly why they don't care for your boyfriend?
When you and your boyfriend fight, do you call each other names and belittle each other? Do you shout at each other? What do you say to each other? Who apologizes first and why? Who usually starts your fights and how do they end? Do you like the person that you are when you are with your boyfriend? How does your behavior change when you are with him? Do your friends like your boyfriend? Have they ever mentioned that you "seem different" when you are around him? Has your circle of friends shrunk since you started seeing him? When you and your boyfriend are not fighting, what does a typical interaction consist of? What do you talk about? How long do you talk? What do you do? Do you feel supported by your boyfriend? Does he encourage your goals? Does he encourage your other friendships or does he want all your time to himself? How does he feel about you talking to other boys, like your friends' boyfriends or just boys in class?
You would probably benefit from being able to talk about your relationship with your boyfriend to a neutral third party like a therapist or a clergy member. Even an adult family friend or relative might be able to offer you some outside perspective. But if you seriously consider my questions, it will help you to consider the situation from both your parents perspective and also help you to see whether or not this situation is truly healthy for you.