Asked by blondeelicious on
Different values about sex, can we make it work?
Been with my boyfriend for 3 years and plan to get married :) We are best friends and treat eachother affectionately and with kindness. We are on the same page about so many things, the only thing that we have different values on is sex. We met online through a casual hook up site and started a relationship right away. The sex was abundant, frequent and HOT! The first time I noticed that our sex life was suffering was when we moved into our new place, only a month or two after his Mom passed away. Because I started to feel undesired & lonely and because I am bisexual, I took that as an opportunity to give him a break from his sexual responsibility to me and asked if I could hook up with a past girlfriend. He said that he didn't know how he would feel about it but to go for it and that we would keep an open dialogue about it to see how we felt.
Fast forward a year-ish later and with experimenting and keeping our communication open, he discovered that deep down he is turned off by me going outside of the relationship (even if it's only with a female) if I'm feeling neglected sexually. It was known since day one that I have a high sex drive and that am bisexual. He DOES accept my bisexuality and allows me to play with girls but it is still effecting our sexual relationship. I feel as if it's no big deal to play with females in the sense that if he's no capable of paying me as much sexual attention as I need (nothing bad towards him) that I should be able to take matters into my own hands and ensure that I am getting what I need. Clearly this isn't just sexual but the attention I crave is of a sexual nature.
This is making me feel like I have to decide between being true to myself and my values and being a good girl & choosing to ignore my sexual fantasies and values to remain 100% exclusive with my boyfriend.
Is this something we can continue to work on through open dialogue etc or will our core values about this subject always leave ONE of us unsatisfied in one way or another? I am head over heels in love with my boyfriend, I truly feel he is the One for me and we are willing to work on this. Thank you for your constructive feedback.
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You are trying to change his mind. That never works. Women cannot change men. It would be better to accept the fact that he's uncomfortable and won't ever accept that part of you. That's why people date: to see if they are compatible. You two clearly aren't, and that's sad. Have a good cry and move on.
Isn't this what relationship all about being exclusive and loving one another cheating is cheating no matter who it is with and if two of you getting married he may not want have open relationship with any one sorry hear of his mother passing that would hurt any ones sex life before two of you get married or take any more serious steps forward need talk about what type of relationship he wants once two of you get married.