I recently posted a question asking if "Is it him or am I depressed?", I am am happy to say that i got some good advice from this website....In a nut shell i have been really depressed and I've been having panic attacks. I had gone thru a series of unfortunate events. You see i live in florida but am originally from New England. I moved to florida about ten years ago with my boyfriend at his request. Everything was fine for about eight years. Then i got into a terrible (lucky to be alive) car accident. This is where it began. Soon after i began to feel a loss of motivation at work, started questioning my goals and relationship. Of course this caused tension in my relationship and we began to bicker and fight about silly small things (which i normally don't sweat the small things). As i am going thru this i received a call from my family up north that my mother had a stroke and things weren't looking so good. As it was she passed suddenly. Of  course this hurt me terribly as i was extremely close to my mother. I went on as normal, but shortly after is when i began to get extremely depressed and the panic attacks began. I began to question everything in my life so much so that i became very indecisive about everything, even simple decisions like what to cook for dinner or what laundry detergent i should use. Everything seemed so complicated. Well i tried medicine which made it worse so i stopped and went to a therapist. The therapist helped shed light on what i kept repeating but ultimately the action needed had to be done by me and i was so fragile that i neglected to do anything at all. Six months after this i found out i was pregnant so i put all of these emotions aside, told myself everything will be fine and pressed on. My son is almost 2 now and i will admit i was fine on and off during the last three years but still something was missing. Just recenlty these emotion came on strong and I decided to come to new england with my son and take a break from my relationship for as long as i need. You see the problem that i am having in my relationship is that in total we have been together for 13 years. I met him when i was 17 and i am now 30. We never really discussed marriage, children, etc. We bought two houses together none of which have my name on them. I tried bringing these things to his attention and he never wants to talk about them. I don't like to be pushy so i go with the flow. It has finally taken a toll on me because i feel so disconnected. I don't feel loved by him. He swears he loves me and just says he's nervous about marriage. But i'm tired of this. I don't feel support from his end about anything. Am i crazy for feeling like this?? When i decided to leave for a bit of course he got so angry. I told him i was coming back but he hasn't called me in a week. We have talked on the phone this week but it's because i called him. He just doesn't make an effort for anything and basically told me i am selfish for taking his child away from him. He some how turned this into it being about him. I feel like no matter what i do to try to get his attention he just doesn't get it. So my question is now that i am away for an unknown amount of time, how do i turn the noise inside my head off? I feel so guilty for taking his son away! It is killing me to hear him so angry and upset and crying. The whole point of me getting away is to clear my mind and think long and hard about what i want and what is best for me and my child. But all i keep thinking about is him and or my child. I feel like i have so many unresolved issues and i really don't know how to deal with them all. I don't know if it is truly a relationship issue or if so many life altering experiences occuring so close together in my life  just threw me so far off that now i am freaking out and am blaming my relationship. I know it could be a combination of all of the things that happened to me but i am so upset at him because i feel i would have been able to get thru these hard times if he was supportive. Any insight would be greatly appreciated.