Asked by Draining14 on
Is it really over?
I recently spent the past 5 months reuniting with a very very EX boyfriend. Although we had remained friends after our on again off again relationship of 5 years, he ended up completely cutting me out of his life while I was in college because he had started dating someone new. He did not think it was fair to his new interest to remain so close with someone that he still had feelings for. So we didnt speak. For 5 years. He maintained a relationship with this woman for five years. He texted me randomly one night to meet up and I asked if he had broken up with his girlfriend and he said he had, I figured why not, I was moving to a different city in a month and so I could allow myself to be his rebound for my own emotional and physical needs and control my feelings and not allow myself to get hurt. Needless to say its been over 5 months and I am completely devastated. He toyed with my emotions but not blatantly or in a truthful way. He continually texted me and called me all day everyday even after I moved. Things were so good between us but it was obvious he was still not in a good place. We never labeled our relationship and I was back in town to see him very often. He started blowing me off and acting weird but then would apologize and tell me he missed me. I lost complete control of myself. I have never, in my 27 years let myself completely unravel over a guy before. After getting together and talking again during the holiday I discovered he was out with his ex. I lost it. He tried to call me a few days later and I just cried to him asking him why he was doing this to me. He did not want to have that conversation and completely checked out. A couple of weeks later, after I returned back to my life 200 miles away, he tried to call. I didnt answer, instead I drank massive amounts of wine and texted him my address saying that I need him to mail me my bracelet. No response. The next day he tried to call again, but I couldnt stop crying long enough to answer. I have not contacted him and he nas not sent the bracelet, did not call on my birthday, has not called or texted since. He is very stubborn, and incredibly selfish. I know this, I know he is not the kind of guy who would fight for me. As much as I want him to. Did I let go too soon? Should I have fought for him? Its been over a month and I still cant go a day without being a mess for at least a few minutes. Im so confused and I cant move on. But I want to. Or do I?
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I'm so sorry to hear how you're feeling right now. I know its one of the most horrible feelings to have the object of your affections not return them and treat you in that way. I initially became a relationship coach after losing a relationship, and the subject of how to get over an ex (or how to get him back!) has been one that has been really close to my heart ever since. In brief, the process starts by letting go - even if you do want them back. As humans, sadly we often want what we can't get, and when someone is too "available", often the other person starts pulling away. When you also start pulling away, this can in some cases become immensely unsettling for the other person and put you in a position of power again. I am giving away a copy of my book on my website, and if you go to this link, you will be able to download it - chapter 2 is all about this subject (this is the link:
http://www.grownupkisschase.com/index.php?p=1_11_Grown-Up-Shop)
Let me know how you get on, and in the meantime wishing you lots of love (with someone who truly deserves you!)
Shay xx
I'm not sure why you responded to him after 5 years after he cut you out of his life completely. You were a rebound. At any rate, you did not let go soon enough. Now that it is over, focus on moving on. I agree with the other post and I could not have said it better myself!
Did you let go soon?
No, not soon enough. This guy has shown in every which way of his wishy washy actions that he is immature and selfish. The problem with being a woman with a great, big, loving heart who wants nothing but to make the man in her life happy and will bend over backwards to do so, more often than not gets bit in the ass for it when he turns out to be exactly the opposite in return.
You're going to be devastated for a while, and may have these episodic, unbearable emotional outbursts of sadness when you'd care less to, but guess what, you're human! And not only that, you were on and off for 5 years before reuniting in an abstract way that preyed on your feelings; not days, not weeks, not months, YEARS. It isn't just going to pass as quickly as you'd prefer it.
You yourself said, "I know that he is not the kind of guy who would fight for me." Then why, I ask, are you trying to fight for him? He is no good, and most certainly no man in every sense of the word, so as much as it may pain you and seem like a complete emotional drain and frustration to your life at the present moment, force yourself to bear with it all and fight the good fight. Leave him be. Don't anser his calls, texts, emails, delete him from Facebook, Twitter, whatever way it is that keeps you connected. He's history! You're moving on to bigger and better things because you're worth bigger and better, alright? Trust in your own strength and drive, everything happens for a reason. Get the focus back onto you. Once this chapter in your life closes, you'll be on your way to attracting the right man into your world and you'll look back on this mess laughing at how silly it all was to begin with. I've been there, you're gonna be great! Good luck :
Thank you.