Asked by howtolove on
Moving On.
After being with my soon to be Ex for 7years, we are finally coming to an end. I miss him so much but 7 years later he's still in the same position, doesnt want to do much with himself (No education, No Career. The Exact same person I met!) and to make matters worse we have a 3 year old son, Since we seperated (I finally left after asking myself if this is really what I want to put up with for the rest of my life) he has yet to give me any type of support as far as our child goes. Im at a loss of words when my son asks for his father, it breaks my heart so much that I have even considered reconciling with his father just to have him apart of my sons life. I know that's not the route I should take, please help.
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As sad as it may sound it really is not your responsibility to make your son's father a part of his life. It is his father's responsibility. From what you stated, you are not preventing them from seeing each other. When your son asks for your father, you could allow him to call him.
Don't mix up your son's feelings with your own. If you were unhappy before, you would be unhappy again if you went back to him. You cannot change him, he is the only one that can decide to change, and it doesn't sound like he is at that point.
It is natural to miss him because you are going through a life change. You must grieve a divorce in the same manner that you grieve a death. You go through all of the same emotions. Stay strong and you will come out of this happier than you were before.
I'd like to invite you to join my facebook page - "Support for Divorced Women" https://www.facebook.com/SupportForDivorcedWomen
Super kudos to you for making the hard choice to move on with your life! Seven years is a long time to have been together, and you're feeling the pull back into the familiar. Stay strong! Your son will love his father for the person he is (with his lack of education and career and drive to be anything better) but will grow up knowing you did the right thing.
Being a single mom is tough - I did it for many years. While you're growing into the person YOU are meant to be, get some support for you! Join a gym, attend a church in your community, check out a class for moms at your community college, work with a life coach for awhile to have someone help you stay accountable as you're learning a better way to live.
Life moves forward, not back. You reached the decision to leave your ex for excellent reasons. Now you just need to build on that decision, be gentle with your heart, and love your son intensely. There is HOPE for a wonderful life!
You are going through transition. It is just like when you take your son to a new daycare and he is scared and nervous because he does not know what will be expected of him and how he will adjust. Please reassure your son that it was not because of him or anything he did that situations have changed.
You are moving away from what was "normal" to a "new normal." Give everyone involved some time to handle the transition and to recognize your strengths.
You will be fine. I have confidence in your ability to overcome the obstacles you are facing right now.
Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, author and speaker