Asked by personifyingowned on
How to help my boyfriend
So, my boyfriend and I have been together almost 11 months now, and he has admitted to me that he has a desire to have sex with a young girl, around 12/13/etc. He said that he's always had this desire, but only recently it has become much worse, most likely because of my 13 year old sister who looks almost exactly like me, just younger. He really believes the only way he can "get it out of his system" is by having sex with a young girl.
I'm open to threesomes and a lot of really kinky stuff, but I know all the punishment that comes with pedophilia and want to keep him safe from that. He's never put his desires into action and really doesn't want to, and he's scared of these desires.
However, he is a very shy and introverted person, and doesn't want to speak to a shrink, group therapy, etc. Is there anything that I can do for the man that I love so he can overcome all these temptations and not have to worry about it anymore???
And just as a heads up, no I'm not leaving him because it's not something he can just wish away. He hasn't taken action and he does want to feel that way anymore than anyone else. I love him and want to help him through this.
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Well, I think that getting help IS the best answer. It is not the only one...maybe hypnosis would work. I heard that it helps with cravings for cigarettes, so maybe it will help with those types of cravings. At any rate, do what you can to help him, but be sure that he keeps his distance from underage girls especially your sister.
Yes, I believe he needs intensive therapy. When he says he wants to "get it out of his system," it means he's not even thinking about the severe emotional scarring of the young girl. There's a good reason it's called statutory rape. Even if the girl says "yes", she is not mature enough to make the best decisions for herself. Is he going to assume she doesn't tell? Is he going to threaten her or worse? Is he going to do this even though it will ruin her life and his, if he goes to jail?
People do things they don't like to do for their own good all the time. They get cavities filled, they exercise, they get uncomfortable medical procedures done, etc. He can do something he's uncomfortable with for the good of himself and others. Tell him you will go with him and support him. If he refuses and you know he's about to act on his perversion, then you need to report him to the authorities, or you will be as guilty as him. Please convince him to get help.
He originally thought that was the only way to handle it, but I have convinced him otherwise. He won't do anything to anyone, but he's bottling it up and it's hurting his self-esteem, etc.
He understands the consequences, and I've explained everything to him, but by introverted I mean he absolutely cannot tell people his problems. It took him years to admit that one desire to one person, and only after 11 months in a relationship. He is not very open about his feelings, but I do love him and he reciprocates.
Thank goodness he has verbalised it to you because he should never act on it. If he gives in to his temptations he could seriously alter the course of a young girl's life in a bad way.
He deserves to feel okay inside his own skin, but not at the expense of another person. Professional help is available in many forms. As an adult he should find out the range of help available and pick at least one. There are a lot of competent coaches who specialize in this field. A sex coach may be an easier place to begin for him.
Yeah, I know, I'm glad he trusted me enough to tell me.
I'm not sure if he's going to be willing to talk to any one at all, he really fears being judged and thrown in jail, i told him it wouldn't happen, but he doesn't seem to believe me.
I've looked up on the internet and everyone says he needs to see someone, but is that really the only answer?
Thank you for your advice :)