Asked by YourTango on
Destine for Break-up?
me and my guy have been together for 8 months in the beginning it was great but has the months started rolling by we stop going out he calls and texts less we don't spend has much time together anymore and i just recently found out that we are not on the same page emotionally. we may even go 2-3 days without talking to each other. He has told me he loved me in a text and he says that he is not going anywhere but i feel we are at a stand still is this a sign that its not going to work? are we just in the comfortable stage? and what can we do to get back on track
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Not only is the stand still a sign that it's not going to work, it already isn't working for you, so it's a big confirmation that this isn't your guy. Relationships can go through phases, but this seems different than a phase, it seems like the normal rhythm between you, which signals he isn't invested in the same way you are. Doesn't make him the bad guy, just means it's not a match for more.
You say he has told you he loved you in a text...has he ever said it looking into your eyes, or in person when you are cuddling or intimate, or even just when he is enjoying your company? It sounds like you nailed it right on the head~the two of you are not on the same emotional page. You already know what's going on, yet because you care about him you are HOPING for more to build on. That's how you will trap yourself and stay feeling empty.
Also, that comfortable stage is not supposed to feel empty, it's supposed to feel like a stride you hit where both of you are nurtured, content, and at peace in each other's company without the need for big grand events to keep you intrigued with each other. If you are hitting "comfortable" too soon, that tells you that you may have mistaken intensity or passion for love.
Hi Bianca,
Yes, it sounds as though your guy may be losing interest in the relationship. I suggest that you try to talk about this distance with him and ask his if he wants to reconnect with you. To get back on track, you'll need to spend more time together and reintroduce all of the things you guys used to do in the beginning of the relationship. All of the sweet things you used to do for each other and all of the dates you went on. Starting over is the best way to reconnect IF he wants to.
Dear biancao528, please pay attention to your guy's behaviors and actions. He is revealing to you that he either doesn't want or isn't ready for the same kind of relationship you want with him. There's no good reason to question him about what's happening because his actions and behaviors are your answer.
If he was interested in having a relationship with you, you would know. He would be spending time with you, calling you, texting you, etc. You can't get back on track with someone who isn't on the same page.
It's best to learn from this and move forward with your life. If on the off chance he does come back and wants to work things out (and you do too), then you can talk about how to get back on track.
Sounds like he has lost interest. Something could be going on with him. Either way, you have to explain to him that you feel this way. Ask him why he is putting distance between you two. If he can't come up with a real reason, maybe it's time you move on.