Asked by bacrhit on
Friends to Exclusive Couple
What do I need to do to move a relationship from friendship to exclusive dating couple? I've known this man for over 4 years. We had a business relationship and it turned into a great friendship. I desire to move it further.
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This can be tricky, so move with caution. It is possible he feels the same way and is reluctant/too shy to make the first move. It's also possible that he's not interested in an exclusive dating relationship with you, which could be awkward for awhile.
I don't think you should "make a move" on him. After 4 years of a friendship, flirting or kissing him could be weird, coming out of nowhere. Why not have the conversation the next time you're together: "you enjoy each other's company, find him attractive, and wonder if he feels the same".
If he does, this is wonderful. If he doesn't, let it go and don't bring it up again. It might be a bit uncomfortable for a brief while, but you'll both get over it and still have the friendship.
Before you can become an exclusive dating couple...just go on some fun dates. You may have figured out if you're intellectually compatible, but before you plunge into becoming a boyfriend/girlfriend explore whether you're emotionally and spiritually compatible as well first. Physical is another realm to explore when you do become exclusive, but don't necessarily rush into physical intimacy right away if you haven't found out if your compatible in the three other areas. Once you become physically intimate, you release hormones into your body that make you feel head-over-heels in love, it clouds judgment, and once released your body does not settle back down for 18-24 months (one reason why there's lots of quick engagement and short marriages). If you're looking for long term and become physical right away, and then find out that he isn't interested in that way--you risk losing your friendship. Like Jon suggested--make it fun, flirt more, do some dates, all with minimal pressure while keeping your heart in-tact.
I wish you all the best,
Lyndsay Katauskas, MEd
Mars Venus Coaching
Corporate Media Relations
With a friendship of four years, you can afford to flirt a bit more. If he is shy, he may not pick up on subtle hints, thinking they are not for him. I agree with the other comments - and would like to add that, based on your friendship, a discussion about how you feel about him may help. Don't say, 'relationship', just say... something less... serious.
Good luck! :)
jon
From how you describe this guy, he seems mature and responsible. I'm all for honesty in relationships. You can start by being a little more forward- flirting, longer eye contact, touching his hand or forearm when you talk. If he doesn't get the hint in a week or so (or longer, depending on how often you see him), ask him out on a date. You can be playful about it to ease any awkwardness, but let him know that because you value his friendship so much, you'd like to explore going deeper. Good luck!
What do you know of his dating history, is he looking for someone now, is he single, these are things to consider.
I hear this situation a lot in my practice, and it needs careful handling g- your business relationship is at stake.
My best regards to you
Ruby Binns-Cagney
He was my realtor. The transaction is long since been completed. He is single. He takes care of a family member in poor health. From our conversations, his dating history seems minimal. It does not look like he is looking for someone steady at this point. He told me one time that he is shy with women. I find that hard to believe. He's a great conversationalist and a gentleman! On occasion he seems to get talked into doing something or going somewhere with someone before he considers whether he wants to do it or not. He seems to be quite social when he needs to be. He's outgoing in many ways. He's a definite leader in business. I was impressed with him from our first meeting. What's my next step?
Thanks for the input.
I agree with most of the other comments, it is up to you to let him know you would be interested in something..more. You guys already seem to of touched on some of the questions, and you just didn't get a difinative answer! I'd say to do something fun and low pressure, and up the flirt!
It's a risk, and as long as your ok if the friendship dynamic changes, i.e., he may feel weird, then go for it! If you don't you could have regrets, and everything in life is a risk. Just make sure you don't go out of your comfort zone, and let things happen. What's the worse he could say. no?
Good luck, and go get him!
Drop some hints, start flirting with him, look into his eyes a little too long, or wait for a moment of closeness, pull him closer, and kiss him. After 4 years, I'm sure it will work! Good luck!