Asked by dianereed on
Give Advice: When Can I Call It Quits On My Marriage?
I have been married for 20 years. Most of my marriage was based on lies. I have never cought him sleeping with someoue else, but I have caught him rubbing all over my friends. He promises never to go back aroung her but later on I find out he has been going in the store where she works, while swearing he never goes in that store. I have a daughter that lives out of state which I visit about every 4 months. When I'm gone he will spend all our money with no explanation of what he blew it on. After many arguements he explodes and says its his freeking money and he doesn't owe me any explanation. Every week he blows his paycheck and then nickels and dimes my untill my money is gone. When he wants something from me he is sweet as sugar. Once he gets what he wants he goes back to his hatefful self. I cant seem to do anything right. He puts me down to other peo;le to make his self look beter. When I tell him I want out he starts begging me to give him another chance. He always goes back to his old habbits. I don't want to try anymore and He won't leave.

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It's more than few years past time to call it quits, you just don't want to.
When the time is right & ur ready, leave. Find someone who makes you happy,
You already know it's time to leave. Ask yourself "what's stopping me?" What are you afraid of? (I don't mean that to sound like I'm picking on you, but to get you to really look at what you're afraid of) Usually when we take a good look at our fears, they become a lot more manageable.
He sounds like he's emotionally abusive and manipulative. Make a plan, get support from friends and/or family, and leave. Good luck!
Then you leave! Your marriage is not based on anything other than his lies which you seem to think they are an ongoing problem. You should have no regrets about leaving him because you can not trust him.
Is he messing around with other women; it is probably the truth. No one should have to live under the conditions that you have laid out.
Just my opinion because I am in the middle of a divorce now because of similar activities with my wife being the secretive one. It is hard to do, but in my case it has been worth it.
Sounds like you are "done"! You say "He won't leave", why dont you leave? I'll try not to give to much TMI, but when my marriage was failing, I stayed longer than I should have. I stayed because I wasn't ready to give up my "stuff" (house, furniture, shared money). But it finally got to the point that I just didnt care anymore and the only healthy thing I could do was just walk away. That is just "stuff" and I can always buy more "stuff". I am telling you this, because when I have talked to other divorced women, my story is simular to thiers. When you are ready to finally leave the relationship, nothing else will matter but you! (your happiness, mental health, safety, ect..) Good Luck!