Asked by uxmal2473 on
Why would a woman refuse oral?
Here's the issue. I would say that 90% percent of the time my girlfriend refuses oral pleasure from me. She's 29 and i'm 37. I love doing this for her. It's the only way she gets off. We've been together now for two years. Our sexlife is almost non-existant. We have sex now maybe once every three months. This in itself in a problem that we're trying to remedy. She tells me she's not comfortable with how she looks. That she doesn't feel sexy and won't even let me look at her naked. So she just hasn't felt sexual or desire to be sexual. i am extremely attracted to her and let her know constantly how sexy and beautiful she is. I give her flowers when I can, just because and give her massages every night. that's what's hard because I'm rubbing her feet and legs and for obvious reasons I get turned on. But everytime i try to pleasure her she turns me away. I don't get it. I know she has this thing about being clean and once she showers she doesn't like to do anything, so that's part of it, but not that big of a deterant. Sex is one thing and that's something to work on. but i have never met a woman who refuses oral. especially when i give her 4 to 6 orgasms everytime i go down on her. I even reassure her that i don't want sex so that she doesn't feel obligated to follow through because of what i did and she still refuses. what's the problem? are her body image issues that bad that she doesn't even want the pleasure of an orgasm from the man that she says she loves? I don't know what to do anymore. I'm breaking down and as much as she tells me she's dealing with those issues and tells me it's not me I am feeling as though she may not be sexually attracted to me. at any rate, i'm confused as to why any woman would not want oral pleasure from her man, especially when there are several orgasms to be had.
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Maybe she should get some counsiling for her issues. Along with some couples counsiling for the both of you.
Sex often becomes the terrain where couples fight for control of the relationship. Despite your generous gesture, she may feel you have too much control over her when you provide her with oral sex. After all, orgasms require us to let go of control.
Alternatively, she may fake orgasms as many women do and that may be more trouble than she feels it is worth. She may not know how to tell you the truth about her sexual response. Have you thought to ask her what she does and doesn't like about sex?
She may not enjoy cunnilingus. Do you know what she likes and dislikes about sex? Having an honest conversation about sexual preferences is a good place to start. Assuming any girl in her right mind would want oral sex is your first mistake.
We are all different and expectations, assumptions and judgments do nothing to create an atmosphere where honesty can flourish. Instead, approach her with an open mind and an eager curiosity to get to know her and her desires better. Make her feel safe and loved no matter what she feels. She will be much more likely to open up and tell you what is true for her.
Let's be frank and to the point. If she turns you down over and over, this means you either don't know what you're doing or she's bored with your technique. I feel if this is the only way she can be pleased, then you have a bigger problem than the oral sex. Sometimes love is not enough, you also have the human need to be satisfied. If she agrees to counseling try it. Sometimes when people are in a long term relationship they tend to take the other for granted. I don't feel you're reducing her to a one night stand or making her feel cheap, if this is what you both like, to begin with. Women respond to words and the tone that you use. If you make her feel obligated instead of feeling the love you have for her. She will never respond. I believe in getting it straight from the horses mouth. She should just tell you the truth. No I don't like it anymore or you don't satisfy me as you used to. If this is not the case, then maybe you should just back off for a while and let her tell you when she's ready. Lucky girl, I can't get my husband to do it at all, and she's getting all she can handle and doesn't want it. What a world! Good Luck.
Like Jadailha said, "I'm not sure that it is fair for you to give and not gain pleasure." And it's true, women are not made of testosterone, only a certain percentage. But, your woman may want to please you also. But, if you are putting on all the pressure about sex, it is a turn off. Your wife may be the most beautiful woman you have ever seen, but, when you have the attitude of "I've never met a woman that didn't like oral", you are reducing your wife to a one night stand or, cheap. Your wife/woman should be your priority. She wants you to appreciate her brain as well as her body and we know you do, but, she needs to hear it from you once and again. You should start talking to her first and talk about other things than sex. Take her out for a game of kick the can or golf or whatever the heck you do and spend some quality time with her and don't push so much and you may find that the tables will turn. Ask her questions about herself what she's interested in and listen to what she says. If you are planning to be with this woman for a long time, I would suggest trying to understand a womans needs. There might be a reason that she is rejecting you and if you want to learn about it, there is ample information out there. She is with you because she wants to be but, it doesn't kill a person to learn something new in life. Sometimes it takes a crisis to realize things. I'm just saying that if you want a loving relationship, you'll have to respect your wife as a very crucial part of it.
I forgot to mention that it isn't fair for either one of you. Fair is fair. Work it out, or don't.
Perhaps your partners body issues are a factor. Perhaps she's developed guilt issues from being sexual, many women have. For some it may take years to accept the fact that we need, crave, lust and desire sex. I'm not sure that it's fair to you to give and not gain pleasure in return. I don't know if this is the answer you were seeking, but I hope it helps.