The good news is - no kids involved...

just an awkward break up with a girlfriend exactly a year ago (giving me the just good friends routine and staying in touch AS A FRIEND) and then a month ago she and my former best friend of 12 yrs came round to my place to tell me they have been seeing each other since Christmas...

ok...

some people believe in the whole etiquette thing of you NEVER date your best friend's ex, it is just WRONG. They don't GET that concept, I do. Most of my other friends are furious with them both. The main reason they took so long to hook up together is they were worried how I would feel.

HE has been a lousy and insensitive friend for the past few years, an ok friend the prior 5 years, and was an AWESOME friend the first 3 years.

SHE was an AWESOME online pal a couple of years ago, an AWESOME girlfriend from October 2008 til March 2009, and a nice friend since then despite the fact that we were no longer physically intimate. (For the record our sex life mostly consisted of me performing oral sex on her when together and her showing herself on camera for me to jerk off whilst apart, but we were very compatible despite a massive age gap, she is 19, I am 35, and my former best mate is 38!)

OK so it infuriates me to now learn she was leading me on and lying to me from November until we broke up in March because very quickly Mike and her became close. It infuriates me he gets to have full penetrative sex with her whilst I did all the hard work going down on her...but... to be fair they both waited 9 months after she had dumped me (or more) before getting physical, out of guilt. And, to be fair I was a lousy boyfriend stressing about my job and money the whole time.

So anyway, 18th March HE emailed me breaking the ice to try and get back in touch and recover our friendship. Then a few hours ago (The evening of 19th March) she called me nervously to chat on the phone. I deliberately left the phone unconnected to the charger so the battery died, then plugged it in and waited... after a lonnng time she called back. We talked for maybe a few hours and she shared stuff about her and Mike sensitively and cautiously in response to my questions, but only after I had properly aired my grievances and told her exactly how I felt about the whole deal. Describing to her my anger and why I am angry.

Bottom line I feel like the unluckiest guy in the world and I even ended the call saying to her the only way she can repair any of the damage is by hooking me up with one of her hot university friends coz in my mind she owes me. She cheerfully agreed to "vet" or "screen" all her friends and look for introductions.

So.

My confidence is at an all time low. Sexually her and he are more compatible than I was with her (diplomatically she claimed I did too much all at the same time and she just wanted SIMPLE sex, I was too talented with my fingers and tongue for her as she was new to it all when she was with me, the sensations were too intense and confusing she claimed.)

Financially I have been working hard but struggling to keep a roof over my head for years, whilst he is financially secure and even has a car (we all know women LOVE cars, I have not driven for a decade!)

In terms of friendship they have both been incredibly selfish, deceitful, insensitive and at times just plain cowardly in the way they developed their relationship. In terms of further maintaining the friendship I have made it clear I have DONE the nightmare long journeys to hang out only to be dumped and then face a 4 hr ride home alone. I have DONE the non-jealous boyfriend thing only to find I had every right to be jealous and suspicious, and now she may go off with another guy doing the same to HIM.

Question is do I forgive and forget and cling to our pleasant chats, shared sense of humour, and common interests?

Do I JUST stay in touch with her and not him seeing as his betrayal stings the worst whilst her excuse is she is young and allowed to make more bad decisions..?

Do I JUST stay in touch with him because he tried to back off and stay away but she chased HIM and seduced HIM and is therefore the real guilty party?

Or do I say "You can call me, email me and text me but do not expect me to ever initiate contact with either of you" (Which is at the moment what I am saying to them. That they can be a friend to me but I have no reason to make an effort any more to be a friend to THEM) ?

OR DO I just say, "Get lost. It hurts me to think of you two being together, it does not help me at all as a person and I do not need either of you in my life even though you both insist you need me in your lives!"

Or something else?

I considered murder and suicide but murder is too messy and suicide would mean they have both beaten me and won.

LOL