Asked by lauren4c on
Breaking up with live-in BF
What's the best way to "co-habitat" after breaking up? My (soon to be ex) BF of 2.5 years and I live in a house that I own, so obviously he'll be the one to move out. We broke up a few months ago for a week or so until I decided to give things another try, but its not getting better so It's time to end things, for real. During the week when we not together, he didn't seem to have any desire NOT to be at the (my) house. He'd come home from work as usual and either hang out in the guest room or watch TV in the living room. I tried to make plans not to be there much in the evenings but it's MY house. I can't be cruel and kick him out immediately because he's got 2 dogs, stuff, furniture, etc. He had NO interest in staying with any of his friends or anything like that. And now, I know the end is coming and I can't get over the dread of what it will be like in the aftermath. I know break-ups aren't easy but how do I get him to give me some much-needed-space? I will certainly give him a deadline to be out but I will be fair with that as I know its tough to rent a place that allows dogs. Any advice is appreciated. Thanks.
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In that case, I don't think you can. You really just have to put up with him until he goes. Unless you had some kind of pre-arranged agreement about where he can go in the house before he moved in, there's nothing you can really do until he vacates. I don't think you have a right to fairly tell him how much time he can spend in the place he lives even if it is your house. But try to assert yourself and just do what you can to get by until he goes.
Me Again - I Thanks for your answers and I totally agree with what you're saying. But perhaps I didn't phrase my question properly to address my concerns. I have no problem kicking him out after a month and he will understand that and not be a problem. I'm more concerned about the time before he is out. He is a SERIOUS home-body and seems to have no drive to leave the house despite the awkwardness. He's got friends but he doesn't want to "burden them" with his presence. Like you said, it's my house and no, I don't want to leave, but I hate feeling awkward in my own home so I tend to go find things to do away from the house. How do I tell him to "get a life" and "give me space" (ie: find somewhere else to go after work) while he's looking for a place?
I completely agree with Adrian. It may seem cold, but you have to give him a firm deadline and stick with it. Also, protect yourself legally by giving him a formal eviction notice that outlines your expectations for him leaving. Now is not the time to worry about feelings. If he is professional and understanding he will be okay with it. But also, you need to be in your home as much as you can. It may seem awkward and uncomfortable, but it is your house. You need to stay in it for that last month. It's primal, but you really need to assert your ownership of the space.
If I were you, I'd also look up what legal rights you have in case he refuses to move.
You're right, it's your house and he has to go. Don't let him make you feel alienated in your own house. Just tell him that he has 1 month to find a new place and then he has to go. You should even go so far as to write up a document stating that he has 30 days to vacate. You're right that it could get ugly, but you want to protect yourself legally in case something happens so it might be a good idea to get the letter of eviction on record with the state or notorized or something. Did he pay you a month's deposit before moving in? If so, make sure that you include in your eviction notice that he will get back whatever is left after any damages he (or his pets) caused are repaired but if he doesn't vacate within 30 days he violates his refund. Basically, just treat him like a tenant and act as if you're his landlord, because that's basically what it is. And make sure you change the locks after he moves out too for your own safety.