Asked by thrive on
Give Advice: How Can I Ask Him To Compromise?
My boyfriend of a year and a half started living together five months ago. He's divorced and we live in the condo that he and his ex bought together (we live in Chicago, she's now in NYC). He and his ex had two cats together, one boy and one girl. When they split, he kept the girl cat, she took the boy. About seven months ago, his ex needed someone to take in the boy cat, as she'd be travelling extensively for work. My boyfriend loves both cats and he jumped on the opportunity to take in the boy cat temporarily. I love that he's so caring and sweet with animals and I should mention that I'm okay with cats in general- they tend to mind their own business and they're easy to take care of. Besides being incredibly annoyed by cat hair everywhere (I'm a bit of a clean freak and I'm dealing with this one day at a time), I have really bonded with the girl cat and I love her as if she were my own. The boy cat is a different story...he's very aggressive, loud and obnoxious. Seriously, this is not your average cat. He gets into EVERYTHING. We have baby locks on all cabinets and if there is even a trace of food on any surface, he's right there, lurking and snooping around while loudly howling. We have to lock him in our spare bedroom when we have company over for fear that he might get too aggressive. He's attacked me for no reason on several occasions, and I now have scars on my hands from these attacks. He blocks doorways and will even chase after me: I'm literally scared of this pussy. It has got to the point where when my boyfriend isn't home, I lock up the cat in a bedroom. My boyfriend seems to be in denial about the cat's behavior. He deeply cares for this ferocious feline- he even thinks some of his aggressive behavior is cute and funny. I do not. At all. And by the way, not only does this little demon-cat attack me, he attacks my boyfriend, too. I've repeatedly told my boyfriend that I don't like this cat's behavior. I've exhausted myself researching tips on how to modify the bad behavior- nothing has helped. I just can't do it anymore. The cat has got to go. When he/we took in the cat seven months ago it was suppose to be a temporary thing. His ex is completely unreliable, though and my boyfriend has excitedly told me "we might get to keep him forever!" Oh God. So, here I am living in the condo my boyfriend bought with his ex-wife, taking care of her terror-of-a-cat feeling completely helpless and extremely frustrated. How do I break it to my boyfriend that his beloved, evil cat needs to go back to his ex? I don't want to hurt him, I love him very much. We're talking marraige and kids now and I'm worried that this might hurt our future plans. We make a great team and I don't want to lose that, but I just cannot live with that goddamn evil cat one more day.
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You just need to talk to him. Sit him down when you both have time to talk and are not upset about anything else. And calmly lay out your reasons for not wanting the cat. List the behavior problems, also let him know that you've tried to work out the behavior problems. Then you need to set a deadline. Say that you would like the cat gone in a month. Offer him the option of getting another cat, one that is better behaved, but you just have to let him know how you feel.
My husband and I had a dog that had terrible behavior problems and it attacked my husband three times. I wanted to keep that dog, but the dog and my husband could not be in the same room. When I realized all the fights we were having over a stupid dog, we gave her away. It honestly, wasn't worth it to have that much drama over a pet, when it was my husband I loved and wanted to keep. Plus, no one should be afraid of their pets or be afraid to be in their home because of a pet. You have to come clean and let him know.
If you're thinking about marriage then he and you should be able to make compromises. You've already accepted the girl cat. You could offer to get a new baby boy cat if he gets rid of that one. Your reason for wanting to get rid of the boy cat is its horrible behavior which is a reasonable request to want to get rid of it, especially since it wasn't yours to begin with. I'm worried that your boyfriend is unwilling to listen to your logic and is disregarding your feelings. You live in the condo too so you do have some say. Even though it seems like this cat is becoming the dealbreaker, it's actually your boyfriend's disregard to your feelings on the matter. It's a cat, it isn't like he has kids with his ex and it's his son. I think there's a much bigger problem going on here. You're actually worried that a cat will come between your future marriage plans??? A cat??? There's definitely something else going on here beneath the surface that you both need to work on.