Asked by mc313 on
When is a guy really just a friend
I am lucky enough to say that I have a very beautiful girlfriend. The only problem is she is nieve. She thinks that most guys genuinely want to be just her friend. Three examples I have used to try to show her she is wrong are:
1.) her "best friend" from home told some guys that I'm friends with that he had sex with her in high school, which was a total lie and I knew this but the point being her best friend obviously is hoping for a chance to have sex with her.
2.) This kid who randomly got her number, not even from her, will constantly text her and "creep" on her. Her facebook status one day was that she wasn't feeling well and he sent her a bunch of text seeing if she was getting her rest and what she was doing. It was a good excuse to start a conversation. when I asked her why she even responds to him when he text her if he is "creeping" on her, she told me he is a nice guy and could be a possible friend. If the kid wants to be a friend I would think he would be trying to friend me as well, but since he isn't its obvious to me that he is trying to play the just friend card fro now also hoping for his chance.
3.) This third guy is my biggest pain. He constantly flirts in obvious ways. He will say "I wish I was as cute as you" and she will just giggle and like the attention. Being in college they have related classes and will sometimes do homework together. I hate this because I constantly know that he is using it to flirt with her and although I know she wouldn't cheat on me, I wish she would stop this someway because they kid has been looking for ways to break her and I up for some time now so he can get his chance.
I have tried to explain that these kids aren't "just friends" but she feels like I'm just being dumb because she says that not all guys just want sex and some really just want to be friends. I would believe this if she wasn't so attractive and hope that you guys will be able to either help me show that I'm right to her or prove me wrong and be able to help me just let it go.
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Your GF likes the attention from these guys, it's why she doesn't listen to you. If my BF told me what you told your GF, I would seriously look at their and my behavior. There is nothing wrong with flirting, because we all do it. But, if she is flirting back, right in front of you, then she has crossed the line. It's one thing to flirt, it's something completely different to do it right in front of your BF or GF. I would question her movites on why sher flirts AND why she does it in front of you.
She likes the attention, which is a bad thing, because she would be more likely to get herself into a bad situation, where she might cheat on you. Also, it means that she is insecure about some aspect in her life, that she feels she needs this attention. Second, she may like the fact that these guys make you jealous. It gives her complete control or your relationship and the situation. It means she is playing head games with you.
Either way, neither situation is good for you. You need her to choose or just dump her, what she is doing to you is REALLY not right, fair, or healthy. You deserve better... you deserve someone who cares more about your feelings, then getting an ego boost.
She is a people pleaser and honestly, girls are not THAT oblivious. If she is in college, she knows and she likes the attention. No matter what she says, she knows what is going on and she isn't stopping it because she likes it. She might even like the jealousy it inspires in you. So you need to decide what you can handle and what you can't, because she knows.
It's true that girls are often times oblivious to being hit on by their "guy friends" and see them as just friends. I'm actually more concerned about her liking the attention she's getting from these guys. That is something different all together. She isn't oblivious to their come ons, she's encouraging them by flirting back. And she does know what she's doing. I have guy friends that are just friends and we don't flirt with each other. I used to try to be friendly with some of my male co-workers. What I interpreted as friendly conversation, my boyfriend said could be interpreted as flirting, so I stopped doing certain things because I didn't want to send out mixed messages. In this case, I was oblivious to what I was doing but when my boyfriend pointed it out I was aware of the behavior. If you've told her how you feel and she's ignoring you and continuing to feed the behavior by flirting I wouldn't bet money that she'd "never" cheat on you. There's something wrong if she's actively seeking/enjoying that kind of attention from other men.