Asked by Windchime on
Dating and chronic illness?
Am 29 (this week) and was diagnosed with lupus a year and a half ago. This seems to have thrown a cold towel on any dating...can't seem to date for anyone for more than 5 dates...When i was diagnosed (i was pretty sick, then), my boyfriend of a year started getting cold feet and finally fled.
Everytime i have the "i have lupus" conversation, they cant run fast enough. Even with my explaining clearly about the facts and management of the disease..Am managing quite ok now.
Obviously lupus can be debilitating but i work full time at my very busy and challenging job as a business manager although i've had to make many changes to my life (but nothing so drastic).
Now am so tired of dating, i just want to quit COMPLETELY. I have even thought of taking a celibacy vow at my yoga center!
Please help me become less of a dating pariah..Or is there no dating for the chronically ill?
Kind Regards,
Windchime.
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Ugh. I would like to tell you that men everywhere are kind thoughtful creatures and that no one would ever NOT date someone b/c of an illness, but we both know better.
A couple of things: Try not bringing it up until date 10? I am not saying that b/c its a shameful thing you can hide, but you want to make sure the relationship can bear the brunt of it before you make the confession. For example, I have some pretty complicated family issues, that when I was dating, I didn't bring up at all. I just felt like it wasn't the time. I didn't even tell my husband until we'd been dating for two years (in hindsight, that wasn't quite right). I only told him because some things came to a head and I had to explain why a family member was in jail (fun times!).
I am not saying our situations are equatable. Obviously, Lupus is quite different, but maybe you are coming clean too early. Don't give up and don't let it define you. I read this discussion that I thought might help too: http://www.wearelupus.org/dating/discussions/4