Asked by richelle090286 on
Should I continue fighting for the one I love?Why?Why not?
I'm in a serious relationship for almost one year with this guy I've been a school mate in college school. Just a week before I found out that he has a common law wife and they already have one child, aged about 2 or 3.
Even before I said yes to him, a friend of mine warned me about his status but I kind of ignored it and pretended I knew and would never give him a chance.
I've thought about it for 3 months but eventually I did say yes. I've asked him jokingly in one of our casual conversations about the issue; he answered he's not involved with anyone. I believed him and never did brought back the issue again.
After my discovery, I confronted him. At first he denied and even questioned my information source. After due persistence, I was able to squeezed an answer from him. He confirmed what I just found out.
I asked him why he lied to me. He replied he's finding the right time to tell me and if I tell him to leave her, he would leave her. But I said it would be hard for me especially they already had a child.
Mad as I was, I demanded he'd explained further everything to me but he seems to avoid tackling the issue.
Months before, he once told me we'd go somewhere far and marry there but I don't exactly know why, hence, I rejected the idea. I'm not that ready yet to settle down.
Now, I isolated myself from him and is trying to decide between giving up or buy his idea of settling down somewhere.
I really want to be with him but I'm also anxious how would everyone feel.
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He sounds like a total fruitcake to me. He doesn't tell you about his wife with some ridiculous story about "finding the right time". It's been a year! He never had any intention of telling you. You can't believe anything he says. In fact you should be suspicious that you're nothing more than a mistress to him. If he kept it from you/tried to deny it, it's likely he's still with her and cheating on her with YOU. Do you really want to marry someone who's already married with a kid? Him even thinking about marrying you without having separated from his wife is pretty weird. I would not trust him at all. You let yourself fall into this scenario because you knew his situation all along so it's not like this is all a huge shock to you. And let's be clear, you did know, you admitted that so you knew he was lying all this time. In fact, I'm guessing if it never bothered you before, why are you suddenly concerned about it now? Because you've actually caught him lying to you even though he's been doing that the entire year you've been seeing him. You're being ridiculous. His line, "I'd leave her if you asked me to but it would be hard because we have a kid." is total BS. Roughly translated, 'I'm using my kid as an excuse not to separate from my wife and lying to you about how much I want to marry you instead knowing that as long as I'm with the mother of my child I'll never have to make good on any of these empty promises. So we can just continue having our affair.'