Asked by hauolig on
should i keep my relationship with my "fun buddy" going?
I have this "fun buddy". we started our relationship with the intention of going out and dating and maybe having something more. i met him online and we started texting each other while i was on vacation in Hawaii. we have great conversations and found that we had a lot in common and connected really well. but while i was in hawaii he broke his leg and had to pay and borrow a lot of money to fix it. when i came back from vacation i asked him when we should meet and he said he didn't want a gf b/c he doesn't have the money to support dating me. i told him money doesn't matter and i just wanted to meet him and just hang out. eventually we decided to just be "fun buddies". the first time we had sex he came out to get me and brought me back to his place. then after that i couldn't get him to come out and see me at my place or for him to come get me b/c he said that he couldn't afford the gas. this went on for about a month until i got a car and drove out to see him. we had good sex, but as soon as it was over he got up and put his clothes on and basically told me nonverbally that he wanted me to leave. i laid naked for a while hoping he would want to cuddle but he just wanted me to leave! i'm starting to feel like an object to him. the thing is that i know that this is not right and that i should end it. but i'm just hoping that if i tell him how i feel he'll change that. but also idk if it's right for him to change his attitude about me just b/c i'm not his gf (but he's not having sex with anyone but me), b/c we're only having sex, and b/c he's not rich enough to date me. idk what to do. what should i do? no one else knows about this relationship but me and i have no one to talk to about it. p.s. he also started to text me less and sexting with me after we had sex. i once tried to break it off b/c i thought he was ignoring and he said that he didn't want to end it and that it was all a misunderstanding.

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Yes, he is just using you as an object for sex. He has no care or feelings for you and continuing to let him use you for sex will not change his mind. Nor will telling him your feelings. If you got into this wanting to have a relationship, why did you agree to be a FWB? Don't reduce your own self-respect in the hopes that a man will change his mind about you. Just because it means something to you doesn't mean that he feels anything at all. You don't know for sure that he isn't sleeping with anyone else and his excuse about not being able to date you because he can't afford a girlfriend is ridiculous. And of course he doesn't want to end it. He's getting sex whenever he wants and he doesn't even have to go to you or work for it at all. You're the one at his beck and call because he made up some lame excuse about "not being able to afford gas" and you make the drive over to him. Oh, come on!
It seems that you are only in this relationship because you have hopes of being able to date him someday. That's not fair to you or to him. It's not a good idea to get into relationships with people hoping they will change. If you can't accept them for who they are now, or if who they are now doesn't meet your needs, then you are better off moving on.
I have also been in this situation but he told me up front after a couple dates that he did not see anything between us besides the sex.I thought I could get him to change his mind and allowed him to use me for his pleasure.That was a big mistake because this went on for three years until I finally decided that enough was enough and realized that he would never change his mind and want a relationship like I wanted. I know it is hard to believe but there is someone out there who will treat you as you deserve to be treated and not want you just for the sex. You just need to be strong and stay away from him.