Asked by Californiagirl on
After having an affair I want to tell the wife of the man I cheated with how sorry I am but she doesn’t know, should I tell her?
I am married and I had an affair with a married man. It took some time, but I broke it off and I feel horrible. I confessed to my husband, and we are working things out, but I wanted to tell my lovers wife that I was wrong in what happened, and that I was deeply sorry. However, this man refuses to tell her what happened. I am sure she will find out eventually, and I feel that if she knows how sorry I am for what happened it might ease her pain. Should I tell her about the affair even if her husband wont?
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Though your intentions are noble, I would certainly not tell the wife about your affair. You would be doing more harm than good to the other woman at this point. If the time comes when she does find out, and if it is still something you feel you must do, then by all means consider doing so.
dont tell her. pls! u already hurt her by havin an affair wit her hubby even if she dint know. tellin her will be lyk rubbin her face in d mud,trust me-she wont thank u 4 it. now am glad dat u n ur hubby are workin things out,he's rlly a great guy. it's rare to find a guy who's willin to deal with infidelity.pls do all u can to keep him,he's worth it! to reiterate; dont tell her! 4 ur own sake as well as her's!!!
That's a tough call. I think if your motives really are that you want to help her, rather than assuage your own guilt, then at least give it a shot.
But don't expect a great result. She could still be furious and she has every right to refuse to talk to you, refuse your apology or she could refuse to be civil.
That's a tough call. I think if your motives really are that you want to help her, rather than assuage your own guilt, then at least give it a shot.
But don't expect a great result. She could still be furious and she has every right to refuse to talk to you, refuse your apology or she could refuse to be civil.
You are going to hear a lot of different answers on this one. Most people will tell you not to say anything because it's between him and his wife and they'll just think you're trying to break them up or get revenge because he broke up with you. That's just the perception that I've heard. However, most people who were the wives of said cheaters actually do want to know and think it's part of your responsibility to come clean. If you truly feel like you need to confess what happened and apologize to his wife in order to move past what happened, I think you should do that. However, be prepared that she is probably going to be hurt, angry, call you a liar and all kinds of other names. Her husband will deny it and she will believe him. She probably won't accept your apology and be in denial about her husband's fidelity for a long time. But no matter what you do, it isn't going to ease her pain in any way. When she finds out (and you're right, she eventually will) she's going to be really hurt. Whether she finds out now or later isn't going to lessen the blow. Just do what you think is right.