Asked by YourTango on
Should I give up hope?
I have met the love of my life and cannot be with him because his 12 year old daughter made him choose between us. We were together for 16 months and were talking about buying a house together.We got along great and could talk through anything. I do not know why she did not like me except she said I cussed to much, that's the reason she gave her dad. I think it is because I would not talk her dad into letting her go live with her mom like she wants to. When all of this came to be he told me that he would not ask me to wait for him but that if she went to live with her mom he would find me and beg me to take him back if I was not with someone because hurting me was the last thing he wanted to do and that he still loves me. I understand why he choose the way he did .It has only been three weeks since all this happened and I am barely getting by not being able to see him or talk to him. I keep thinking about what he said about getting ahold of me if things changed but lately I am wondering if I should hold on to that slim chance that it will happen? Has anyone else been through this?
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I agree with adrian. If he really loved you, he would find a way to make this work. It is easy to blame his daughter, but she is just a 12-year-old kid, who is probably confused. She is not your enemy, she is not the one at fault. It is your BF, he is the one who is allowing this to happen and allowing this situation to occur. And actually, I find it odd that he can put his foot down to his daughter and not allow her to live with her mom but he won't control her in this area.
I think you should move on. If he wanted this to work out he would make it a priority, but clearly he'd rather hurt you than talk to his daughter. You don't need that.
I know it sounds like Bs but I know its not.She has caused problems before and he will not put his foot down on this because she has told him she will go live with her mom if I am around and he knows that now she is old enough to go into court and tell them she wants to go and they will let her.The problem is he is not in control of the situation because she is a spoiled only child because he lets her get away with whatever because he is afraid she will go and that is the last thing he wants because her mom is not the best parent for her, which I agree with. I understand him wanting her to get straightened out and make something of herself. He did try telling her that he wanted to be with me and that she needed to deal with it but she really started pushing going to live with her mom and he was so stressed out about all this that he decided that he had to make the choice he did.I told him I would go to counseling with her to try and work out our problems but she refused to go and said if he made her she was leaving.I have told him that he may think he can get her to stay but if she really wants to go she will find a way whether I am around or not.
I haven't been through it, but it sounds like total BS that he's feeding you. He said that your relationship wouldn't work out because his daughter made him choose between you. How exactly did she do that? Say she was going to run away if he dated you? The truth is he is in control of the situation. He can choose to tell his spoiled daughter that you are important in his life just like she is and that you need to find a way to put up with each other. There's nothing she can do about it because she's a minor in his custody. He's the father and he should be calling the shots in his household. I just can't see this as the actual issue for the break up. And I think it's cowardly that he's using her as the excuse for breaking up with you. Couples date when their kids don't get along all the time. In fact probably every time a father dates someone that isn't the kids mom, they are going to have a problem with it but that doesn't stop every couple who's ever been divorced from finding someone else.