Asked by Artemis on
Who to be with, who to date?
There are two guys: one we'll call Bob, and the other we'll call Joe.
Bob is... well, he's Bob. I love him, and I think I'm in love with him (major difference). He's very sensitive and emotional, and it's very endearing. I feel great knowing that it's because of me that he doesn't hurt himself, and because of me that he stands up for himself. I can tell he appreciates all the long school nights I've stayed up with him talking (texting, really) about his problems and helping him feel better. At some point he told me, "stop making me laugh im trying to feel sad lol :)" I feel important with him, and I really and truly care for him. I want to make him feel good. Some friends gag at the thought of us together, but others have tilted their heads and said, "You know, I can see it," and some even commented, "Aww, you two are so sweet together! How did I know this would happen?" We have a first date set up in a few days, but I'm starting to wonder if, you know, I've made the right choice. See, there's also Joe...
And Joe is very, very much Joe. Joe is vivacious. Joe is funny. Bob is funny, too, but Joe is one joke after another. He's hilarious. Joe is really physical. With everyone. Quite frankly, he's a Nervous Game champion. Sexual jokes and innuendo abound with this guy. I feel fun and carefree around Joe. He's just an amazing person to be around. Lately I've been discovering a few things we have in common: we both play games like World of Warcraft, and- here's a surprise- both of us enjoy online logic games (like 'Being One,' 'Alice is Dead,' and those pesky but fun room escape games). He seems to act very interested in me and shower me with attention, but I don't know if he really acts like that, or it's just wishful thinking. However, I have had people approach us in public and comment on what a sweet "happy couple" we are, and friends have not-very-subtly implied that we would be great together. I would be all for it, I just don't know if he wants it.
Bob and Joe are both a bit of what some would call "troublemakers." They aren't bad guys, they just have mouthy, sarcastic sides. That's all right, though; I'm the exact same way. I've been good friends with Bob and Joe for a long time.
I'm in high school here, so, you know, my hormones are freaking acting up, and I don't know what's really there that I'm feeling and should be paying attention to, what's part of that monthly gift from dear old Mother Nature, and what's just my hormone levels naturally bouncing around.
Bob appeals to me emotionally, and Joe appeals to me in every other way- it just happens that, right now, my emotional needs are equal to "every other" need added together.
Do you think Joe really likes me? Before anyone comments, he is not a player. He is not looking for sex. He jokes about sex, but he would never put someone in a position like that- he doesn't want to lose his virginity before marriage.
Am I making the right choice with Bob? We've helped each other through a lot of mental and emotional torment, and we've gotten very, very close.
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Every time someone says they have to choose between two guys, I wonder if they really like either of those guys or they are just enjoying the attention. I wonder the same here. there is nothing wrong with that, you are young, its nice to be admired. So enjoy it. But neither of these guys sound worth dating. And your conflicted feelings lead me to think that you are more feeling flattered than "in love." So, I vote for neither.
How do you know so matter of fact that Joe is just not looking for sex? Because he says he want to wait for marriage? I can't imagine a high school boy saying this seriously. It honestly sounds like a line to me that he put on to impress girls or make them think he's so sincere. Especially if he's so "physical with everyone" and jokes about sex all the time as you say. You're in high school and just starting to date so it's up to you which person to choose and have your first dating experience with.
Bob sounds more sincere and like he actually cares about you a lot. He does have emotional baggage that could be a problem but I think you'd have a more meaningful relationship with him. Although, honestly it scares me that you said you "feel great knowing that he doesn't hurt himself because of you." Someone who is so emotionally distraught that they hurt themselves needs the help of a mental health professional and shouldn't attach themselves to anyone as a savior. It doesn't really sound like he's mentally prepared to have a relationship. And do you really want that responsibility? I knew a girl in my high school who tried to kill herself just because her boyfriend broke up with her (looking back at it now that guy was a total a-hole not even worth remembering). You do not want to date someone like that.
Joe sounds like he likes you but he's a flirt. You had to come to his defense to convince yourself that he isn't a player even though his behavior shows that he completely acts like one. My guess is that he'd end up dumping you pretty quickly to play the field anyway. It wouldn't really be a serious relationship but you might have fun together for a while. But there's no way I'm ever going to believe he isn't going to try to have sex with you. Not sure what you mean by Bob appeals to you emotionally but Joe does in every other way. Do you mean mentally and physically? Ask yourself what's more important to you at this point in your life?