Asked by YourTango on
Where is this going to lead?
I first met this guy as a fling 11 months ago. We never really go on dates because I have strict parents who don't allow me out much. He does come to see me in the night time, (we live about 1h driving distance from each other) in which- I do sneak him into my room and have some fun. It's been going like that for 11 months now and I want to know where this is going? I've tried to end it, but he didn't want to; his reason being- he has gotten attached to me and wasn't expecting that. Is this a load of crap? - Just so he can keep sleeping with me? I've also asked him where is this leading to, he's stated that he’s not ready for a relationship and he doesn’t have the time for one... What I don't understand is why he makes time at least 2-6 times each month to see me and talks to me every day.
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I noticed you started your question with you met this guy as a fling..I was just wondering if there was anything particular that made you classify this as a fling right away...also you have a few problems here you have a guy who is totally contridicting himself yet he is still manipulating the situation. Come on you can't be that blinded by love. You start off by saying you tried to break it off with him but he doesn't want to because he feels to close to you...then why doesn't he want a realtionship with you to continue this closeness. Me and my now husband lived on opposite ends of a state and even though we could only see each other every now and then we made it work so if he tries to play the distance is too much card seriously girl don't fall for out. Only you can know if this is worth fighting for and to be honest I think you know what the other readers have been trying to tell you all along, this guy is only here for a free ride to get what he wants and go on with his life. Why waste your time worrying about this obvious loser and move on to a guy that respects you without having to sleep with you first. A guy that there for you emotionally and physicall and one you're proud of so you can introduce to your strict parents in order to gain their trust alittle bit more..
I don't understand why you feel like you have no control over the situation. You "tried" to end it but he said he didn't want to? If you want to end it, end it. Tell him it's over and stop seeing him. It's as simple as that. And of course he doesn't want to end it, he gets a booty call whenever he wants. You are at his beck and call whenever he wants sex. And he's just using for you for that. If you want a relationship with him and he's clearly not willing to give you that it's time to end things and say goodbye to this person. I would be concerned about the lack of control you think you have over your own life. You shouldn't let other people make all your decisions for you or tell you what to do. Know what you want and stand up for yourself.
All due respect, there are two issues within this issue which require you to address them. First is the fact that you have parents who have elected to control facets of your life including your personal relationships. While this is acceptable if you are 16, if you are 26 then this is a serious issue. Secondly, you have to understand one basic premise, and that is, most men take what they can get. What I mean is, if you're letting this guy sneak into your room at night for "some fun" and have been for 11 months then you are likely in need of some reflection internally. You told him that you wanted it to end, but he said no.....so it just keeps going? The real issue is that you let everyone run your life (this guy and your parents) except yourself. Start making decisions on your own, enforcing them, and standing behind them. Perhaps then your parents will ease up the grip they have over your life, and maybe you'll meet a man who respects you for more than a bi-weekly hook up. I am confident you deserve more than that.
Sounds like you have an FWB.
Look, I can't answer for him, but you need to make your own decisions. If you need a relationship and he can't give it to you, it might be time to move on. It's very clear he is not going to make whatever this is a relationship.