Asked by lovelydove on
How do I get my boyfriend to go back out with me....again?
Well, me and my boyfriend had went out before and this father made him break up with me. His father said lies and told my boyfriend I was useless. After we had been broken up about 7 or 8 months. My ex boyfriend moved to his mothers (His mom and dad are divorced) because he was fed up with his father and he wanted to be with me.
Well, he got back together and now he broke up with me again.
He says why he broke up with me is because
I`m antisocial, I don`t like to do things that other teens do (Which relates to the first reason about hanging out with people), I`m always sad, everytime he comes to my house I cry and I always want to be alone some where just with him. Which all of it seems to be about me being antisocial.
I love him very much and he loves me
He says he won`t take me back because he already gave me to changes.
he says he cares about me and still wants us to be friends.
He also says he just wants to be happy
because he once said that when I`m sad he is sad.
That it makes him in a bad mood.
My family thinks his mom has something to do with him wanting to break up with me.
See before he told me he would never leave me no matter what.
He tells me he is sorry.
he tells me lets just say we are broken up for now.
He says he needs space because I don`t give him any.
I guess that is because I text him for a hour and then I call him for a hour.
I`m not too good on how to make things work.
I thought If I bought him gifts and sweet things it would make him happy and he wouldn`t leave me....
I guess I was wrong.
Can you please help me
I don`t want something beautiful to turn into something ppainful and something that will make me feel like dying.
Please help me!
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Young love has a tendency to be about two things, euphoric optimism, and complete ignorance to reality.
You have to learn that love and relationships are not the same thing. You can feel love for someone, and generally it is beyond your control. Love is free, metamorphic, flowing, and subject to emotion. A relationship is a project, a rational decision you make due to the love you feel, but also dependent upon compatibility and reality.
The reality is that he is telling you that you aren't into the same things he and his peers are into, that he is not capable of dealing with you when you are sad, and that he doesn't want to feel sad, which is what he feels when you are sad. You can't get him to go back out with you, it's not a sales pitch. You guys aren't compatible. Period.
Also, keep in mind, when your young, your family is always going to take your side. If you had cheated on him they would say "you're entitled to do what you want" and if he had cheated on you they would have said "he doesn't deserve you". Support from our loved ones in unconditional, and that in and of itself make is bias. So forget what your friends and family tell you, ignore what he tells you, and simply look at what's really happening.
If I were you I would focus on finding something that you genuinely enjoy, find a passion in your life. Then, when you figure out more about you and learn to love yourself, find someone who loves the same you that you do. That being said, here is one last tidbit of advice. Be careful with the word "love".....saying you love him and he loves you. There will come a time in your life when you laugh hysterically at the fact that you thought you were in love as a teenager. The only person you should be focusing on loving when your young is yourself, because until you really know and love yourself, finding someone else to love you is about as likely as money falling from the sky.
Like Adrian you need to focus on what he said, not what other people are saying. If he doesn't want to be with you all the gifts and favors and compliments in the world aren't going to convince him to come back.
I would leave him be. Continuing with a relationship like this will only end in grief. There are plenty of men or boys out there who you can build a relationship where both individuals build up the relationship. It seems like you are the one trying to hold this one together. Both individuals have to contribute to keeping it together.
Hope you will find a peaceful resolution to the situation.
I think you should ignore the influence his mom or dad might have on him for now and just focus on the reasons he gave you that he didn't think the relationship worked. Do you think what he's saying is true? Do you feel like you are antisocial or have insecurity issues? Are you unhappy and cry all the time? If so, you should work on those things first. See a counselor or therapist to find out why you feel that way and work on getting over it. Once you feel better and more positive about yourself, then try to see about trying to have a relationship with him. By your letter, it sounds like you do come on a bit strong. If he tells you he needs time, you should give him that instead of texting and calling constantly and bombarding him with gifts. He wants to remain friends with you so try to be a good friend for now. It's true that when you're in a relationship with someone their feelings reflect on to you, both negative and positive. Nobody is going to want to be in a relationship with negativity where they feel bad all the time. Being in a relationship is about being with someone who makes you feel happy and good about yourself. If he says he won't take you back, then that's his choice and there really isn't much you can do about that besides thinking about the reasons he gave you and trying to work on them.