Asked by T. Flowers on
Is it enough to f**k me and adore me?
Ive been dating this guy for about 6 mos. (which in my opinion is far too long to just be "dating") and lately ive been ready to call it quits. For a while we were doing great seeing each other at least once a week, talking almost every day, trying to make things work with each other. Now im not known for having the longest relationships (or any relationships, at all for that matter) but I really thought me and this guy could go the distance, and the surprising thing is that I didnt just make it up in my head one day, he actually told me this. We had conversations about being together and he knows thats what i want, and he has known since the beginning, im the kind of person who will tell you what i want up front. After having these conversations we always ended up at the same conclusion; i want a relationship and he wants me without the relationship.
So after having this conversation a few times I decided I was over the situation and if he cant give me what i want then I dont want anything from him. After I made this decision and told him he decided he wants to try harder. He calls me before he makes plans now to make sure I dont want to hang out and hes constantly trying to see me but Im sticking to my decision and Ive just been avoiding him. So finally the other day we came back to this conversation and I told him like I always do that I want to be in a relationship and as usual he had some lame excuse as to why that cant happen. But this time it was a bit different, instead of just telling me that I cant always have what I want he took a different approach and he questioned me.
He asked me why I needed a title, especially if thats all it is. He told me he wants me and only me and what difference does it make what he calls me. And finally he asked me straight up; "why isnt it enough for me to just fuck you and adore you?"
I didnt really know how to answer that. I dont know why thats not enough but its just not.
I have come to realize the reason I still even answer his phone calls is that I do have feelings for him, and I know he has feelings for me but I just dont feel like sex and his adoring me is enough. But should it be? Should I just take what I can get and go with it, and hope that in the future he will have more to offer or do I move on in hopes that someone else will offer me what he can and more???
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I am usually far longer winded, but here is the bottom line, you want different things. He said it himself, he wants to "f*ck him" in exchange for him "adoring you". There is only ONE reason why a guy doesn't want a relationship..........because he doesn't want to be held accountable. In a relationship he has responsibility, commitment, duty, and a role to be played. Without a "title" he can whatever he wants and if you catch him he can always say "we're not in a relationship".
Either cut him off completely until he starts respecting you and introducing you as you want him to, or be prepared for an inevitable let down of epic proportion. You want different things, so ask yourself, what are you doing?????????
That is really not a very endearing thing for him to say. Do you honestly feel like him saying that to you is sweet and shows that he cares about you? After 6 months, the answer to your question is no, you are not being unreasonable in wanting more. Maybe he does like you, but in all reality he's using you for sex. If you want a committed monogamous relationship from this guy after 6 months you have every right to ask for that. If he's not interested in giving you that you should tell him goodbye and move on. He clearly doesn't share the same feelings for you as you do for him or he wouldn't fight you so hard on being exclusive. You want more because you want to have a future with him and basically he's not thinking that way. That is something rational and reasonable to think about if you've been in a 6 month relationship with someone you have feelings for. Don't short change yourself. You should be with someone who can give you what you need out of a relationship. Never keep yourself in a relationship under the idea that "maybe he'll change." Because what if he doesn't? How long do you honestly want to wait for this guy? Instead you could be out there finding Mr. Right.