What conversation are you most afraid of having with your partner or spouse and why?
Has there ever been something on your mind that you were reluctant to ask because of your fear of the anticipated response? What conversations have you been avoiding? Why?
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Well. I feel like he and I can talk about pretty much everything openly. There are a couple things I try and avoid talking about because I just don't know what to say to him about them.
I guess one would be my weight. Whenever we talk about it I feel as if he is attacking me... I don't think that is his intent but I can't help how I feel about the whole issue. He says he wants me to lose weight to feel better about myself, but it really just isn't something I want to focus on with everything going on in my life right now.
I suppose the other would be him drinking... I want to talk about the frequency but I don't really know what to say on the matter. It doesn't really bother me per-say, I don't think it is out of control either. It's just my family never drank while I was growing up though---so it is a little foreign to me.
CraigsGrl1: I know this one! I've been down this path and used to get triggered by the fact that the woman that I was with had an ex-husband that was still in communication with her. It drove me crazy! But after talking it through what I realized is that I perceived him as a threat and the truth was I was letting my own insecurity get the better of me. But it was the conversation that allowed the both of us to move forward.
What happens when you do bring it up? Have you told him that you dont like it when he's in communication with her? What is it about him talking to her bothers you? I guess there are 2 things going on... 1. what is it that triggers you when you hear that he is talking to her and 2. why is it something that you cant talk to him about.
There is obviously a difference in perspective and both of you have valid reasons for your opinions on the subject. All I can say is that being curious rather than critical can help and seek to understand why he's continuing to be in a conversation with an ex and why it bothers you may shed some light on the issue for the two of you.
I know from my experience when something like that is sitting in the background it slowly infiltrates the relationship and suddenly we are frustrated and arguing about things that are completely unrelated.
Have the conversation :)
I don't like mentioning or bringing up issues with my Man's ex-gf is involved. She is a terrible person who I think he needs to not talk to anymore. But it is a subject I avoid talking about with him and I have been with him now for almost 3 years now.
Alexalexalex, what a wonderful opportunity you have with your fiancee! You have to remember that none of us knew what we were doing the first time! Its all a wonderful discovery that you and your partner can explore together! There is a great book that I would highly recommend called the art of conscious loving: by Charles Muir.
Qverb: I hear you on the past! What I have found over the years is that the women that I have been with have very different things that makes them feel loved and special. For some its some very specific words they wanted to hear, a look in my eyes, the way I touch them, listening etc. One thing that might be helpful in your conversations is asking the question "What are you trying to say that you feel that I'm not hearing?" I posted in my blog
For me its been the serious talk about her issues from her family and past relationships...and how she currently chooses to (not) handle them. I want her to get help, and she really does need it, but I also know it defeats the purpose for me to try and talk her into it.
She needs to choose to finally resolve those issues by herself. I can only point out how they have the potential to wreck our relationship. I want marriage and kids, and so does she, but as she is now...well...with her baggage she isn't the woman I want as a wife or mother to my children.
Right now its just enough to get her to understand how damaging her jealousy and pent-up rage over her past is, how much she attempts to bind me, on one hand loving me for who I am, and on the other becoming insanely jealous over my past, my friendships with a few of my exes (and this is years after we've seperated), and the occasional reminder that I used to be a dancer who worked with women on stage. Basically she can't handle who I am.
Well, I always used to stray away from anything relating to sex. Firstly, because he knew I was a virgin, and did not bring it up to make me feel pressured. But I, in turn, took this lack of talking about it as a sign that he just did not want to talk about it.
That--and I feel so inexperienced, I don't want to sound dumb when asking questions I feel everyone should know...
