Asked by miz_tiffy on
What to do when no one wants you to be with the one you love cause of their race?
I been with this man on the down low cause I kinda knew my family would not approve of him.Even if another family member has a baby that is mixed. He is a great man and I finally feel complete. I want this to work, but It hurts when your family is trying its best to keep us apart. I don't know what to do? Please help.
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I just started talking to a friend of mine and he is of a different race. He has met my mohter and my children, I have met his Family as well.But he has a cousin who totally crossed the line. She made a comment and it really hurt my feeling. "Look She Is Trying To Fit In" I told him that it really hurt my feelings. His dad was so cool. he spoke up about it and said "She fits in perfectly." (way to go Dad") and he told me that it was a misunderstanding but I know what she meant. He had a chance to relate because my sister treated him like he was nothing to her. She would not let him sit next to her at my mothers house. He told me afterwards that he now knew what it was to be treated differently because of race. So I was sad and angery at the same time because I felt the same type of treatment that my sister did to him as his cousin did to him. I hope that you never have to experince that in your realtionship. He is White and I am African American. So when the shoe is on the other foot someitmes it takes a reality check for one to realize that rascim is not the way to be. We are happy but we are taking it slow. We both realize that our families have a long way to go in accepting what are descision is and why. So my questions is "Does It Really Matter what others Think"
Its a hard choice 2 make. I had 2 make the choice when I was 16 and got pregnant with my interracial daughter. When I told my family they gave me 2 choices, have the baby on my own or get an abortion. My daughter will be 11 this year, and although my relationship with my mother has never fully recovered and my father and his side of the family have completely disowned me, if I had 2 choose all over again...I would make the same choice. It is painful, and still hurts very much at times, but I love my daughter and that makes it worth while. I am not still with her father but I have 2 more interracial children with another man. No one can make your choice for you, you have 2 do that on your own. When making your decision think about the worst possible reaction and outcome and expect that. Because if you expect less you could get hurt more and if you dont get as bad as you expected it could be a small amount of relief for you.
Ours is not a race issue, but neither of my hubbies nor my family wanted us married. Worse, even after our daughter was born, our church would not acknowledge our marriage. Why? Because he had not been divorced the mandated 2 years, even though he had been separated 2 years and divorced 1 year and the courts deemed her unfit-i.e. my oldest daughter becoming mine at 3. My 2cnts is marriage is one of the hardest parts of life you can go through. If he is your soul mate than the rest of the world be damned! Soul Mates are destined. After 7 years the church got over it, but we didn't get over their exile. Our families came around, and when it comes to it, after 23+ years, if I could only live on this planet with 1 other person it would still be him, my hubby. ~THAT~ my friend says it all because all our family peers and elders are dead, 13 hurricanes (1 Hugo on St THomas) 2 daughters survived teenager together, and everything else life has thrown our way. Even if we had not gotten married we ~still~ would be together!
I was married for 20 yrs to a wonderful lady of a different race and have 2 kids who grew up just fine, so it is possible to have that great relationship and life together. You just have to walk into it with your eyes open. People can be very mean and hurtful with your feelings about interracial couples / families. Best advice, hold your ground, be the adult in the situation. Most folks will come around in time (and it is difficult waiting) and others never will. There are more important things in life than trying to make everyone happy. If you both are in love...go for it, it's the best. Just know that when you walk into a business and get in line with your man, the sales people will almost always think you are not together and ask if they can "help you"... and for now, people will "look" at you both when you got out. Live the life that makes you happy...you've only got one shot at this life, make it yours and enjoy yourself.
While you cannot make your family accept your love, you can stand up and ask them to respect your love and your decisions. If they cannot do that then set some boundaries with them. Perhaps it might be a subject that is just off limits to them? It's a little unfair I think to you and to the person you are with to have to be on the down low, and it's just part of being an adult to have to take a stand when it comes to your own life. Just think of it as renegotiating your relationships.