Asked by cococofe on
How do I know for sure if I chose the right man?
I am involved with this man now for 7 months. He says he loves me. The problem is his ex still has her stuff at his house. She is supposedly moving it out little at a time. When I get to go to his house and see her stuff it makes me upset and he doesn't understand why. We have only gone out to a bar 1 time during the past 7 months. He doesn't want her to find out that he is seeing someone or who it is. She is a little physco and he told me that she burned down her last boyfriends house when she caught him cheating. So he wants to be careful. He doesnt want his house burnt to the ground. So on my nights off from work I usually go over to his house. Ever since the beginning of the year I havent been to his place. Not by my choice but by his. You see he owns his own business and works all the time (24 7). The only time we see eachother is if he stops at my work place or I stop at his after work. Other than that we don't. We talk to eachother on the phone alot more than we do in person. I know that can't be healthy for a relationship to grow. And for the sex, well we haven't been together to make love yet this year. He's always working or something else comes up so we can't spend time together. It's always something.
Lets call this part 2 of my story.
I dated this other man before I started seeing my present boyfriend. I fell in love with this man. We broke up for 8 months ago. Just out of the blue he called me to see how I was doing. Just recently he has called me again. We were on the phone for 4 hours. He told me he was still in love with me. That he wishes we have never broke up and that he would like to get back together. He said that I could go to his place anytime and stay as long as I liked. He offered his house key to me. Said I could use his car. He wants to just sit and hold me, snuggle on the couch or in the bed. Watch movies, cook for me if I'm hungry. Just wants me. All these things me and my present boyfriend don't do. I went to see him one day after work. I was excited and scared all at the same time. We laid on the couch and he held me. It felt so right. After awhile he kissed me and we did make love. It was so wonderful. So why did I start to cry. Was it because I love my present boyfriend and was cheating on him?? I don't know. He asked me if I loved my bf and I told him yes. He said he didn't want to stand in the way of me being happy. So he told me to get dressed and go home take a shower and get some rest. We said goodbye and now it is over. He doesn't want to see me anymore. Doesn't want me to call or text him. I promised that I wouldn't. I think about him all the time. Even before he called the first time. Ever since we had broke up the 8 months ago the man has been on my mind. I don't know what to do. I need some advice. Please help me. Here is my email address please write. Thank you Annette
calm_waters_2004@yahoo.com
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I think you need to kick the first guy to the curb and then take some time for yourself. dont run right back to your ex because it is comfortable and feels right. take some time to stand on your own feet and if you still cant get your ex out of your head then give him a call. life is all about taking risks and minimizing regrets..dont stand with some shady guy cause you might be letting something way better pass you by.
girl, i believe that being sad it's not an excuse for cheating. if you having that much problems with you boyfriend, you should end this up... a boyfriend must make you happy, you know? if you spend a lot of time thinking about bad things from your relationship, that's because he is not doing what he HAVE TO do, do you know what i mean? =/.. you should stop going out with this ex, and break up with this guy you're dating... stop overthinging everything, if you're sad for such a long time you create a new way for you to be happy... by the way, there's nothing wrong about being alone for two or three months with no guy, you may have friends to suport you. ;)............. sorry if i wrote something wrong, i'm brasilian ^^'
For part one, I think it's pretty obvious that his girlfriend is still living with him and he's making up excuses as reasons you can't come over to hide the fact that he's cheating on his girlfriend with you. Doesn't sound like there's a commitment to the relationship by either of you since you ended up cheating on him anyway. And honestly, it doesn't really sound like there's much of a relationship there since you hardly see each other. I'd say at this point it's okay to give him an ultimatum, his girlfriend's stuff goes or you go. I'd honestly be surprised if anything changed because I'm 99% positive that he's still with his girlfriend and you're nothing more to him than a convenient booty call.
As for part two, several things could be going on with your ex. 1). He generally missed you and wanted you back but didn't feel that your heart was in it so decided to let you go once and for all. 2). He was in a crappy relationship that just ended, remembered how your relationship may have been better and tried to rekindle it as kind of rebound/regret thing. 3). He was lonely and wanted a fling. I mean, the possibilities are endless with this guy about his reasons for calling you up. It's hard to gage as there's no info on who did the breaking up and why, was it him or you or mutual, did one of you leave the other for someone else.
The only thing I can say is that you should focus on what's going on with you and not these two guys. You started crying after making love to your ex but you don't know why? Maybe because you felt guilty about cheating? Do you actually feel an emotional connection to either of these men. You're letter makes it sound like your emotions are all over the place. It sounds like you should spend some time by yourself in a non-committed relationship and enjoy the dating scene for a while. Establish some independence and figure out what it is you actually want from a relationship. It sounds like you're young and a bit naive. Learn from your experiences to better yourself and work on having better, more honest relationships.
It is a huge red flag that you aren't "allowed" over his house and he doesn't want to be seen in public with you. Wake the hell up. He's probably cheating on you. That girl is probably NOT his ex, it's probably his current. Added to the fact that you cheated on him with your ex, this relationship is bound to fail. Come ON. It sounds to me like you need to take some time and be single and figure out
wow...annette that was quite a story...well first i want to say the first guy u was talkin bout he doesn't deserve...its his place and ur his women! to hell wat his ex has to say! u should be able to go over there when u plz... i believe he still was messing wit dat gurl, and she probably was still living there! he aint worth it gurl...next this other guy that came bck ur life he does seem like a real,man and he seems to really care bout u. i say u see where things stand between the two of u and see wat happens..and if it comes bck thats how u know its meant to be...