Asked by ENUFF2LUV on
How can you still care about and want to be with someone who has hurt you?
I find myself still caring so dearly for a guy I was dating who happen to be a long time friend from High School and he put a damper on my heart. since high school he has always been wanting to date me. finally I gave in and boy was that a mistake. At first whne we started dating everything was good. He was calling me everyday on his lunch, break and after work. We would go out together as a couple, he would stay at my house wk days. It was perfect until about 9mos.. after that he started missing in actions, not answering his phone, saying he was broke, you know all the red flags. I stuck it out for a while. One day I was at his house and another woman showed up claiming to be his girlfriend for years which was so hard for me to accept cause we were always together, but to make a long story short minus all the drama he was thrown off guard and admitted he was seeing her to me, but put me off as a friend to her. He couldn't admit to anything infront of her and all I wanted was an apology from him and for him to admit his wrong in front of both of us. a couple of months later he apologized and we've been in contact every so often, but I still get this butterfly feeling whenever I talk to him or see him.It's like I almost want to try it again with him. When I go out with other guys I don't get the same feeling, i feel uncomfortable, insecure. Please help how can i still care for this man that took advantage of my feelings.
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I really don't know how you can feel that way after that. Maybe you like the drama or something. Or maybe you just can't let go of the fact that you weren't important enough for him to admit he was involved with you, but another girl was (that IS really awful - he was willing to hurt you by telling you he's involved with someone else, but he walks on eggshells for her?). Whatever the reason, you probably won't get an answer from him, so you should just try your best to forget this situation. It does not define you or your worth as a person or how you'll be treated in the future.
Please find the strength to move on! This guy is a male shovenest pig that completely and truly treated you awful. First step is to believe in yourself and when you meet the right guy and get to know him you will have those butterflies in your belly again. This guy will be the man who puts you before any other woman. And perhaps maybe before himself if your lucky. Plus a relationship between two people should first rely on honesty and trust and this jerk just simply never had that for you or any other woman he's been with. So stop all communications with him and focus on meeting that special guy for that special person that you are. Good Luck in your sole searching.
Michael
i totally agree with wildberrylynn, was wit this guy in college. it started as friendship but he wanted more but because i wasnt sure i was ready for a real and serious relationship(was in two bad relationships prior meeting him) so i freaked and told him so; he totally took it very personally. he type this very mean and i mean really mean letter, sayin horrible things abt me and twistin things we did together, to make it look so terrible. he posted the letter round skool for anyone and everyone who was interested to read.it was the most terribl thing anyone could do to someone u claim to care abt.
however, years later, he sent me an email sayin he misses me and wants to be friends but didnt apologiz for what he did, infact, he justified himself. funnily when he calld or wrote, i get this butterflies. but with time i began to see that i deserved beta n began to let go. itz a phase, you will get ova it, if u want. u deserve beta. goodluck gal
You already know that this guy is bad news for you and you can't trust him. And it seems like you already know that giving it another try is only going to end in disaster. Stay strong. Learn from your relationship with him and make sure nobody ever treats you that way again. Don't ignore the red flags. Tell yourself that you deserve better and don't settle for less. I'd probably cut off all communication with him. He is not worth it. In time you'll get over him and find somebody else who will treat you right.
my closest friend was a guy, in high school. we dated on and off from 10th grade until about 2 years out of high school. he hurt me pretty bad, by degrading me and downsizing me every chance he got. yet every time I thought of him, I still got butterflies. he took advantage of the fact that I cared about him. I cut off communication for good. he was toxic. he ended up e-mailing me a couple of years after he joined the military, asking if we could hook up (i knew that he already had a daughter and a wife), the butterflies weren't there. I told him no.
eventually the feelings will subside. you can get over him if you wish to. sometimes you have to have patience to get over it.
it took me a few years to get over the guy I mentioned.
have faith in yourself. you can do it.