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Give Advice: How Do You Survive A Long-Distance Relationship?
Have you ever been in a long-distance relationship? Do you know anyone who has? How do you make it work? Tell us your stories and tips.
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Long Distance Relationships have a specific timing to it all. I was in a Long Distance Relationship in my first marriage before we married and it went on too long and we missed alot of stuff that we had to pay attention to. You tend not to deal with the tough subjects because you don't want your precious time to be taken up with "tough talks". We were clearly immature and not ready for a REAL relationship. A long distance relationship needs a goal and a plan (and an end point). Today, you can have daily communications with a person and Skype is a gift! (Our phone bills were rediculous and this was before cell phones). I wrote an article- the Long and Short of long Distance dating. Here I interviewed 3 couples who had successfully navigated long distance dating into marriage. If you want a copy of it, just contact me through my website at http://www.heartmindconnection.com and I will send it to you.
You survive a LDR with alot of trust, communication and sex toys! My first LDR did not go so well because I don't think he had the best intentions when it began, it was long distance from NY to TX. Currently, I am dating a man who lives 1.5 hours south of me, not that long a distance, but just enough to make it tough to 'stop in'. We had some trial and error about how much to see each other and I had to let go of my 'need' to see him once a week. Now I let him come to me or ask and very often it ends up that we see each other at least every 10 days. I am totally and complete in love and trust him to be faithful as he trusts me.
I've never heard of any long distant relationship that ever worked and if they are working, the situation is shaky at best.
Long distance relationships take strength of character and dedication - something most people don't have, hence why they fail so often.
Long distance relationships have their negatives, but they also have their positives.
My fiancee and I are in one and it's actually helped our relationship immensely. He's a loner and the long distance has helped him ease into having a partner in his life, and I am the survivor of domestic violence, and the long distance has helped me open up and let a man into my life without it being overwhelming. At first we only saw each other in person every 3-4 months for a few days, now we spend a week together every 6 weeks.
We have both gone from feeling overwhelmed after spending just a few days together, to desperately craving spending every day together and not just a week together every month or two.
Without slowingly breaking into the relationship, I think one or both of us would have freaked out and broken up.
In addition to this, neither of us believe in sex before marriage, and the distance is sometimes the only way we can keep our hands off each other these days.
Long distance isn't ideal, it's tough. We miss each other terribly, and we both feel the desire for physical touch - but not so much that we'd cheat. It was hard enough for me to learn to do simple things like hold hands with him, the idea of doing even that with another man is repulsive. And while he's a normal man with normal hormones, he would never cheat on me - and considering what my ex husband was like (had dozens of affairs with both women and men), the fact that I can trust my fiancee enough to even just let him out of my sight, is a testimony to what sort of upstanding guy he is.
It's not easy being apart. I recently ended up in hospital after I caught a bad virus, and even though I was in agony, I only cried because I so desperately wanted him there with me - the pain bothered me very little. Things like that are tough, but we know it's not forever. We know when we will get married and we will move to be with each other. I'd go insane if I didn't have an end date in sight, but we'll survive. And we love each other deeply - and quite frankly, if we can survive this now, we can survive anything.
There are many reasons long distance relationships fail - sometimes two people just aren't meant to be together no matter how much they care about each other. It's not the distance that's at fault, it just merely brings to the light what would have eventually been seen anyway. But mostly? they just don't work out because people don't have the massive commitment that is involved.
With all of the technology we have at our hands, you will want to believe a long-distance relationship has a strong survival opportunity. Relationships are difficult and adding a distance factor to it, just makes it to challenging for it to last. Although anyone who has been in that situation, including myself, has gone into it saying "We will make it work". One thing is wanting but let's not lie to ourselves. We all need need physical affection and well technology is not that advance. With time, that need will grow so strong you will end up doing something you might regret. Why not end things with a happy memory instead of ending things in bad terms with someone you love so much you're willing to go into a long-distance relationship with. Mine nor anyone I've known who has been in one has ended with a fairy tale ending.
I haven't been in a long distance relationship, but I've worked with clients as a couple counselor who have had to navigate them. I've also studied the subject extensively for that very reason.
As it turns out, the basic formula for a lasting, healthy long-distance relationship is exactly the same as for a lasting, healthy in-person relationship. It's all about meeting the most basic relationship needs to feel loved, emotionally safe and connected. Luckily, couple's have all kinds of great technology they can use to compensate for physical distance (i.e. texting,skype etc).
It's also about setting up protective relationship boundaries to prevent emotional and sexual cheating. Remember, over 50% of "married" partners (both men and woman, have sexual affairs. 80% of married couples report having had emotional affairs. Protective boundaries are all the more important with extended physical distance.
Apart from intensified preventative boundaries, the rest of the formula has to do with staying emotionally connected just like in a face to face relationship. That means regular communication to talk about feelings, dreams and regular life events.
It means being very open about any sense of loneliness that may come up and an immediate willingness to soothe and comfort one and other emotionally in those times.
I like Jadaj's suggestion, that there must be real non-judgmental emotional reassurances around any worry about cheating or infidelity that surface. Partner's shouldn't take such thoughts or feeling personally, but see them as natural opportunities to strengthen the long distance relationship with reassurances and comforting, as expressions of love and caring.
I really like Senny Sen's suggestion too, about being creative. Although, I'd argue that's also a great suggestion and attitude for couples to have with each other even in regular face to face relationships!
Be creative!
I can't stress that enough. Talking on the phone gets old after a while. There has to be something there that keeps you both engaged. For example, when I was dating this guy on the other side of the country, I used to set up date nights. I would create a PowerPoint presentation with photographs of every step along the date. I sometimes even put it to music.
There are so many things you can do to make the distance not seem as far away.
There is one more thing to do. Find out there favorite candy or whatever and send it to them for the number of days until you see each other again. They can take one candy or whatever everyday until you arrive. How cute, right?!?!
Again my best advice is be creative in your communication to keep the boredom away.
well there has to be an urgency to communicate as much as possible especially in the absence of the physical..STEER CLEAR of any appearances of infidelity when there is doubt while living far apart it can turn ugly real quick..some good advice...even if its "not you"the good old fashioned postal service is a wonderful way to show u r thinkin of them and surprise them with lil gifts..somethin u seen passin in the store or his/her fav candy..i like to send pizzas on random days you can pay over the phone so its a nice thoughtful gesture..lots of phone sex..sexting and pic exchanging..video conferencing and video messages r sweet too;)
Long distance doesn't work! I went to visit a friend and it was all good till the day I was to leave! She fell in love with me after so many years of being friends! The phone was very hot for months! Now those months have turned into over a year now and though my overwhelming love for her has not stopped for a minute! Her's has waned! The promises not kept, the communication down to sending smiley faces etc. I guess things work out as they should! I have decided to move on! But, I have not left my options open! I have been devoted to this person heart and soul, only to be left wondering! My problem is that, I have not found anyone that could compare to her yet! And, I'm no longer in any hurry to find,"The one"! That will happen when it happens I suppose!
Long distance doesn't work! I went to visit a friend and it was all good till the day I was to leave! She fell in love with me after so many years of being friends! The phone was very hot for months! Now those months have turned into over a year now and though my overwhelming love for her has not stopped for a minute! Her's has waned! The promises not kept, the communication down to sending smiley faces etc. I guess things work out as they should! I have decided to move on! But, I have not left my options open! I have been devoted to this person heart and soul, only to be left wondering! My problem is that, I have not found anyone that could compare to her yet! And, I'm no longer in any hurry to find,"The one"! That will happen when it happens I suppose!
I have had only long distance relationships for quite a while. They only managed to work if we made sure to either communicate everyday or plan when we were going to talk next and visited as much as we could. in a lot of ways its really nice to be in a long distance relationship if you can keep it going.
I'm in a LDR now. Don't know how long it's going to last and don't really care. He will be here in the fall and we will talk about it then. Yes the main ingredient in a LDR is trust big time. And a ton of love. You have to give a lot to do this.
Good luck to all of you
God Bless
I've been in a long distance relationship. We got together in June of 2008, and now were living together. We made it work by talking all time time, phone, internet, text messaging. Visiting as much as possible. The key to a long distance relationship is trust. If you dont trust your partner to stay true to you, then its never going to work. I suggest that If you are going to be in a long distance relationsip, be sure that, thats the person you want to be with. : ) Hope I helped
Long distance CAN work! :) you need to have trust in your special someone! Right now I am in some what of an LDR. He lives in Montana, and I live three states from him. It's incredibly hard, but he is the type of person, you can truely believe in. He is an incredible guy. After dealing with heart aching break ups, ( even though you thought he was the "one"), it was just God's way of letting you realize how strong you actually are, and that this was just a little review to get you ready for the actual test! aka LDRelationships. if you believe that you and your sigificant other can do it, then you can,.You just need trust, love, and the determination to make it through! if you two are meant to be, everything will work out. no one can tell you that it wont work, distance never determined the amount of love someone can feel towards another. After all, distance makes the heart grow fonder :)
I am in an LDR with my the one-that-got-away 14 years ago. She French and lives in France and I'm Irish in Phoenix, Arizona. We met in Ireland so long ago and lived together for 2 years then. We reconnected on Facebook. Both of us have been married in between and are now long divorced. The main thing you need is commitment and above all, trust. We both settled for less after we split and we know it now. We plan to spend the rest of our lives together (I'm 39, she's 38).
We make it work through constant contact, via email, phone, webcam, carrier pigeon, you name it. We communicate every day. Just as important, we plan the next time we're going to see each other, traveling back and forth, and we stick to those plans. Lastly, I have set a date to go back to Europe to live with her in France. It's almost a year from now but with that in mind, we have certainty that we'll be together and that this is not just a romantic exercise in closure. I believe that such commitment, if you can give it, is what sustains a LDR ultimately.
And LDRs that work are a great story to share with family, friends, everyone! Good luck to all those who weather the storm of separation, it pays off eventually if you have faith in each other!
How do you get through the lack of touch?
That at first makes the heart grow fonder, texting and talk becomes more intense! Until one day the realization sets in and you can't wrap your arms around that person! When I started dreaming of that person actually being beside me when I slept, I found temporary contentment. But they were only dreams! Because of my faithfulness, I haven't touched a woman in over a year now! I have a female friend that I now confide in! I tell her that I have lost touch with initiating contact with woman! And really now, I feel I may need to start over! Find someone that gets my fire sparked again! If your prone to feeling like you must be with someone like I am! It can truly mess you up!
I've been in a long distance relationship. We got together in June of 2008, and now were living together. We made it work by talking all time time, phone, internet, text messaging. Visiting as much as possible. The key to a long distance relationship is trust. If you dont trust your partner to stay true to you, then its never going to work. I suggest that If you are going to be in a long distance relationsip, be sure that, thats the person you want to be with. : ) Hope I helped.
look hon i went out with somebody that lived in coldspring and my bf lived in splendora,and it was like hard .it seemed like a long distance and i found out he cheated on me.look i hope that everything workes out?hoped i helped.
Long-distance/internet relationships don't work.
Tons of great advice here, but one thing I found was creativity. If you surprise the person fairly often with something new and different, it keeps things fresh and alive. One time I was instructed to be home at a certain time, have candles and my webcam ready. The doorbell rang and there was dinner, hot and gorgeous from a fancy resturant, flowers came next and then he said, "Will you have dinner with me?" We sat and ate in front of the laptop and web cam and chatted as if we were together. It was spectacular.
Enjoy the normal things, but now and again, go out of your way to do something really creative for each other.
Long distance relationships are really hard. Both people have to really be committed (with time and with each other) to making it work. The guy that I was seeing for the past year or so and I have been long distance and it was too hard for us to be apart. We still have feelings for each other, so we'll have to see if anything changes when I move back home in a few months. I give props to all the people that can do it. Why do some people give long distance relationships such a bad reputation? Do you think it is b/c of past experiences?
Communication is foremost important in keeping a long distance relationship. There are many cheap ways to communicate given the sophisticated technology. For example, IP phone, online chatting, emails, web cam, etc. You need to learn how to express your feeling so that the other party will know how you feel.
Trust each other. Without trust, there might be misunderstanding and jealousy. Word of caution, don't miss use the trust of your partner.
Don't ever give yourself any chance to temptation. Be strong! And engage yourself in healthy activities such as exercising, reading, and so forth. This would help sustain the long distance relationship.
Without commitment, no things will work out.
Have planning to meet each other whenever possible. Plan your holidays so that both of you can meet together.
How You Can Keep Your
Long Distance Sweetheart
Happy and *Faithful*! --- http://bit.ly/Long-Distance-Lovers
I've been in a long-distance relationship for over 3 years. I live in Canada, he lives in San Diego. It works peachy.
Someone once told me that "a loving relationship isn't about looking longingly into each others' eyes. It's about looking the same direction."
That about sums it up for me. Provided that both of you know what you want, where you are going and if you can communicate this to your partner, then your relationship will last even at a distance.
People ask me all the time, how I manage to stay with someone who lives 3000 miles away. Well, we talk...a lot. To the point that I think we share more intimacy than some people who live together.
i am now in a LDR , i was working in Libya for one year and 4 month , i have a good relationship with all my colleagues in a commercial bank in Libya ,i have a closer relationship with a girl 23 years old she is a great , we love each other , but no one know any thing about this relation because of this country's tradition , we call each other every day night although we are working with each other for 8 hours a day , we are so close together , i could not imagine that i will not see her face one day ,
one day there were some political problems in the country , then i have to turn back to my home Egypt , it was a big shock for us ,
Now i am at home , but still have my LDR with the most pretty girl i have ever met , we have our chatting , phone calls , e-mails , every day , we chatting with our web cam , it seems so great , i will do my best to survive my long distance relationship.
My fiance goes to school three and a half hours away. We grew up in the same community and have been together for five years. We have a very deep commitment to one another, and that's the main thing in a relationship, especially when you don't get to be together every day.
We make time for one another, and that's huge. Every day, we text throughout and talk for a few minutes here and there. Then, at night, we video chat on the webcam.
We make time to see each other every few weeks, but we could still last without that. Like, if I was in Spain for a semester, which I hope to do soon, we'll go four months without seeing each other in person.
The main thing is commitment. You have to agree to love one another. You have to agree on what the boundaries are and how important it is to spend time together (whether on the phone or in person).
When my current fiancée and I first met online, I was living in Texas and she was in Prague, Czech Republic. We got to know one another and began our actual relationship for months before we actually met. When I finally got a chance to make it to Czech Republic to meet her in person, it was wonderful... As if we'd known one another all our lives. I still go back and forth a bit for now, sometimes for months at a time, but we just celebrated our 4th anniversary and plan to get married next year.
LDR's can be very exciting, but they can also stagnate quickly. There must be a sense of direction in there somewhere, and each partner must have the stamina to stick with it... And the ability to resist the inevitable temptations they'll face when they're apart. As with anything else, if you can do it, do it... If you can't, don't even try... It will just result in a lot of pain for both parties.
I've never been in a LDR and honestly can't see myself trying it anytime soon. I just don't think it's practical and wouldn't want to deprive myself or the other person the option of meeting somebody local.
That said, I'd be willing to try an open relationship with someone in another state or country. If it turned out we didn't want to be with anyone other then each other, then one would have to make a decision about moving. That is, if the LDR would extend into the multiple year range. I could probably do it for a few months. Maybe.
I've never been in a LDR and honestly can't see myself trying it anytime soon. I just don't think it's practical and wouldn't want to deprive myself or the other person the option of meeting somebody local.
That said, I'd be willing to try an open relationship with someone in another state or country. If it turned out we didn't want to be with anyone other then each other, then one would have to make a decision about moving. That is, if the LDR would extend into the multiple year range. I could probably do it for a few months. Maybe.
I was in an LDR and we talked every night-- back in the days when long distance phone calls were expensive! Some months my bill was $900. But I ended up marrying him and having 4 fabulous kids, so I guess it was worth it!