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How do you fix a broken relationship?
Is it possible to get back together with an ex? If so, how do you fix the problems from your past relationship?
Have you ever been in this situation? Tell us what happened.
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i can relate. i have been in a relationship swith this guy for 20 years. im 37 now.. we been through alot.. in one situation which was 3 years ago.. three things happen that he did to me that was very tramatic.amongst finding out he had another women name tattooed on his neck,, he moved in with this women... of course after all this i decided to take him back..but you know what.. it takes two for the relationship to work.. if only one person is trying so hard to keep the relationship while the other is still doing what they want to do and have no respect for the spouse they are with.. the relationship its not goin to go far..but i have seen people go through things in their marriage and relationship and they both were seriously about stayin with each other and working the situation out and was happy at the end. for me... i just found out that the guy im with chose to keep in contact with the girl he got the tattooed on his neck.also he chose to get online to chat with other females and made plans to see them. so its very hard for me and this relationship.. the respect the communication everything is dead..im still holdin on. why? i dont know.. because hes not it takes two people to make it work
it's possible but it depends on why you broke up- if it was because the person was more concerned about self than you then this would have to change in order for the relationship to work. Selfish behavior is one thing that fades slowly if ever.
love is lovelier the second time around. I think we need to forgive and forget,, well that seems easy to say. but choices are ours.. if we truly love the person talk it over. sometimes it hurts but honesty is the best policy, how can you trust a liar. once is enough, twice is too much and thrice it's a hopeless case.
I took my boyfriend back, and we dated for another 3+ years after that. He even proposed to me. But the same jack a** recently dumped me. This breakup is a million times harder than the first for obvious reasons. People break up for a reason. I was too blinded by love or my own insecurity to see it. I was actually considering taking him back AGAIN b/c he told me he wanted to get back together. Then a couple weeks later he changed HIS mind and said no. DON'T DO IT!!
I think conflict within a relationships in general stem from nothing more than a difference in perspective and the inability for both parties to effectively listen understand and be curious about why the other person feels or acts the way they do.
I know that my first inclination in every situation is to personalize the situation and make it mean something about me which typically leads to a defensiveness, frustration and anger. The moment I go down that path all that I can expect is the other person shutting down. Over time like rust on a gear if those conversations don't get resolved they can bring a relationship to a halt.
At a certain point there may be too much water under the bridge to move forward. The only way back is by both parties being willing to take radical responsibility for how their perspective was responsible for generating the conflict and for both parties to make some adult requests of each other in how they would like to move forward.
Without that the relationship will never have a chance.
Here's something that I have been working on that might help facilitate those difficult conversations
http://www.pinkelephantproject.com/join.php
From the heart
Shasheen
Founder
www.pinkelephantproject.com
i think you can. it all depends on the reason why the two of you had to break up. But if it was genuine as in it was a long distant relationship so you lost contact. so you want to renew the relationsip it is cool. The problem will come if the reason was infidelity. that might be quite difficult. But it will be easier if you are willing to forgive the other person if so then fine you two might be able to get back together. The question is will he forgive you if you get back together? the problem with this coming back issue is that we only begin to think everything will be fine when we get back together by remembering the nice things that happened when the two of you were in the relationship. failing to really think about the reason why you broke up. For me all depends on the word "forgiveness" and building the trust once more which is the pillar of every relationship.
I have gone back to an ex husband and I can tell you, if it isnt a completely clean slate and a renewed relationship with ALL the cards on the table, it wont work, it will be more of the same, if not worse.
It also depends on why you broke up to begin with. The time away may have helped you "forget" the issues. We all tend to glamorize a relationship when we arent in it...
PS, I am no longer with the ex...nothing changed, in fact, things were worse....
I have been in my current relationship for nearly a year. We were together four years ago, as very young people, and in the four years we spent apart, we dated and fell in love with other people. Something--I don't know that I'm sure what--drew us back together.
What were the biggest problems with your relationship before? How have both of you changed? Moreover--if you want to make it work, it takes communication and effort. Great relationships are partly born of chemistry, but it takes commitment to make things flow and to make them strong. Make sure you can talk to each other, address things that were issues in the past. Be honest, open and willing to listen.
Getting my boyfriend back after a four year hiatus was one of the best feelings I've ever had. Best of luck.
Always talk it out and tell the truth even if it will hurt the relationship. Otherwise you live a lie the rest of the relationship.
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A RELATIONSHIP IS LIKE A MIRROR. WHEN YOU LOOK INTO A MIRROR YOU CAN SEE YOURSELF. WHEN YOU LOOK INTO A BROKEN MIRROR THAT YOU PUT BACK TOGETHER YOU CAN STILL SEE YOURSELF BUT THE MIRROR WILL ALWAYS BE BROKEN YOU CAN NEVER GO FORWARD IF YOU ARE WALKING BACKWARDS. AHH, WORDS OF WISDOM.
It is possible to reconnect. Sometimes splits are a matter of timing i.e. she wants to not marry her only adult relationship or he has an opportunity to study magic at Hogwarts, et cetera. Although, sometimes those are just excuses to avoid telling someone that you don't want to spend the rest of your life with them.
To echo the rest of the answers, step two through forty in a reconciliation is evaluation of what went sideways last time. Can you change? Can he/she change? Is the point moot? Step one is determining if the reason for getting back together is to alleviate loneliness or because of the ease of familiarity.
Not that I'm intimately familiar with either, but it seems like it would be possible to get back together after infidelity but maybe not intentional emotional or physical abuse. The former assumes some people are capable of genuine repentance and lasting change. The latter assumes that a person cares enough about him/herself to avoid that danger.
I'm not sure how much change people are genuinely capable of, though.
You need to go in it with a sense of purpose. "Let's just see what happens" rarely works, because unless you actively try to figure out what went wrong and fix it, all of those old issues will just come back.
YES, it is possible to get back together with an ex. You fix the problems (challenges) from your past relationship by holding yourself "personally accountable" for being the partner you want to be. Work on your own relationship skills rather than trying to blame, shame, or "fix" your partner (which rarely works long-term). If both of you are willing to work on yourselves then you may have the healthy relationship you both desire.
Best Wishes,
Coach Greg
www.RelationshipCoach.us
Yes, it is possible, but it depends on many factors. Can the trust between you be rekindled? Is there still a spark to unite you? How have you changed? How has your partner changed?
Sometimes we are just too young or have not quite grown up enough to have the kind of relationship we would have liked to have. So, by all means, give it another try if that is what you and your partner think will make you happy. I have seen many couples get back together over many years and be way happier than they were before in their first relationship. Bottom line? What have you got to loose? You will never know if you don't try.
you don't.....things happen for a reason....start all over again....stay still..and take your space and time....if it was you....the reason.....think what went wrong....and if you really want to go there again...it is not fair for you and the other person to lose the opportunity of meeting someone new that might be the actual right person for you..only because you might not want to feel alone....or feeling insecure...this traumatic situations makes us strong and help us to defyne what kind of person we really want in our lives....don't be afraid and have the courage to heal your hearth....after darkness...comes the light..! I know it I lived it more than a couple of times.....
If the other person was the reason....listen to what they have to say ....maybe that all that was a misunderstanding and get things clear..be sure the other person knows how you feel and what your expectaction are in this relationship don't be afraid to show your feelings and desires...because if there's a chance to do it ....that's it ....
my advised to you if they were abusive or unfaithfull don't go back....someone better is out there waiting for you...I know everything looks dark and stormy... but it'll pass and peace and light will shine your way again...there's a lesson to learn in everything ...remember that...and what comes around...goes around....take care..
What went wrong in the first place? Was it fixable? Some breakups are for good reasons, jobs, moving, etc.
Some are because it just didn't work or other things. I'm not really the one to ask, none of my relationships have ever worked.
Oh I definitely think people can revive a relationship with an ex. I think Gauntlet is right though about what's forgive-able from the past and what will make for an extraordinary feat to forgive. Because really that's what it's all about, can you love the person and give to them as you did before their offense or whatever caused you to breakup? If not, you'll never make it because the person who caused the breakup to happen will always live under the light of their past offenses.
I also think that abuse and infidelity have to be the hardest things to move past but some people can do it. I just don't think it happens easily or for most people. But, if your breakup was caused by timing, transitions, live changes or other sort-of "normal" life issues, I'd say with honesty and respect you do have a chance.
Yes, I have been in this position. We broke up, he begged me to come back - and all the while he was seeing someone (that I wasn't aware of). So, I thought, okay - why not give it a shot again.... and, no it didn't work out. Why? I suppose because I was constantly looking over my shoulder wondering if he was going to cheat on me again. Now, I PROBABLY would not have done this, had he worked at making me feel secure in the relationship; but he didn't. He continually did stupid things that were specifically made to make me feel suspicious. (which I NOW recognize as a control method)Bottom line, I just figured that I couldn't walk on egg shells anymore. The dude earned my affectionate name for him, "Lucifer".
On the other hand, my other relationships I've had in the past, when they ended we still were friendly and even still friends for a long time. I feel that once the trust factor has cracked, a critical element in a relationship has been violated....it's hard to forget, and harder to forgive it.
I believe it's possible but it depends on why the couple split up with in the first place.
There is hope if..
1. A couple only split up because they had to seperate for a time. One moved away for a job and the other had to stay where they are at.
2. Other things prevented them from being together such as family issues made it so one could not date the other.
Their is really no reason to try again if..
1. Someone was not faithful in the relationship.
2. Someone was abusive to the other person in some way.
It really depends on what the reason was but I think there are cases for both sides of this topic. Personally speaking, I would never try to get back with anyone if they fell into the second area that I mentioned, the first area, maybe.
I second what Steph said. First make sure you're doing it because you want this person as a partner in the present, not based on feelings from the past or because you're having trouble envisioning meeting someone new in the future.
Secondly, I think starting anew means not looking for the old habits (good or bad) to be there the second time around and instead keeping an open mind to see this person (and yourself) in a new, updated way.
Third, seems obvious, but along with an open mind goes open lines of communication about expectations, methods, compromises, quirks, etc. I guess that goes for any relationship, rekindled or not.
I separated from my partner of 17 years for nearly a year, and we got back together. We went to a great couples therapist who was able to identify how each of us were triggered by the other. Once we tuned into what was causing us to react-- and realized that we were reacting more to early childhood wounds than what was actually happening in the moment-- we were able to shift our behavior.
In my experience as a coach (I do a lot of relationship work myself, but it wasn't appropriate to coach my partner during our trouble), I've seen over and over that people are attracted to romantic partners who will bring up their deepest childhood wounds (of abandonment, safety and love) so they have the opportunity to heal from them. If you're willing to do the work, you can get back with the ex. If not, you'll get a chance to practice with another person.
I don't have great advice on this one. My early relationship broke up because we weren't right for each other. There wasn't any way to fix that.
I can say that a good relationship can go through hard times and then get better.
The movie clip is hysterical! Now I want to see the movie and I'm going to have to figure out how to convince my husband to watch something with Sarah Jessica Parker.
On the other hand, I suspect their solution might not be the best way to get back together.
Well,I personally don't have any exes that I want to get back with,but it all really just depends on the situation and why you broke up in the first place. But,I also believe that if 2 people are really meant to be together they will find a way back to each other regardless of the circumstances. So,to all who are suffering hang in there and I pray you have a blessed Thanksgiving! :)
I think it might be possible to get back together with an ex, but you'd have to make sure that BOTH of you are willing to change to a certain degree. As others mentioned, communicating is key, because after the infatuation stage is done, the issues that broke you up the first time will still be there. It's also important that on-again, off-again doesn't become a pattern. I'd say if you broke up and got back together only to break up again, it's time to move on.
Of course there are exceptions to the rule, but working to make a marriage stick is a good use of time.Most marriages take as much work, if not more, than it took when you were dating. Although, sometimes couples get complacent and forget that. They forget to take the time out and make the other person feel special, to say please and thank you...there is something to be said for riding out the tough spots together.
I would exercise caution when considering a reunion with your ex. Because, sometimes, we return to past relationships for all the wrong reasons: loneliness, comfort, familiarity, etc. And as those above have already mentioned, the reasons for leaving a relationship in the first place are often still there. The question is: Are these true deal breakers for you? Think long and hard on this before making a move. ... Then again, I ended up marrying one of the men I broke up with. Our time apart made us realize we couldn't stand being apart! But you better believe we had a number of long conversations in order to ensure we were on the same page.
It's possible to restart a relationship with an ex, but both people have to really understand what went wrong with your relationship in the first place. If you don't, you risk facing the same problems. Before getting back together you should talk about it until you're both comfortable, and avoid physical intimacy while you're figuring out what you want. And make sure you're not just remembering the good parts--it's easy to forget the bad when you're feeling nostalgic.
yes, it is definitely possible to successfully rekindle with an ex. of course it depends on what broke you up in the first place and naturally on how motivated each person is. i have a friend who broke up (broke off an engagement in fact) several months ago and the time away has given both of them invaluable perspective (ie they are truly nuts about each other and don't want to be w/ other people) as well given him the time to sort out some issues with his family. essentially it takes a lot of maturity, a willingness to really listen to the other person, acceptance of the other person as a whole package, and awareness that the relationship is about the "we" (when it is so easy to get focused on the "me")