Asked by Zalrau on
Trying to get my GF back without looking like a stalker
My GF broke up with me and we been apart for like 3 to 4 weeks..and she is all the way in calli i thought about flying out there to get her back but i dont want to look like a stalker i dont know were she lives but i know the location or /area she is in....and she wont answer my calls or call me back =/...and now im starting to think she is with another guy...how do i know shes with another guy anyway..and how do i not look like a stalekr trying to get her back? =(
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You just might have to let her go. For whatever reason, she has deemed that your relationship just isn't working for her. You can't change her mind on that. Right now, with your constantly calling her, you're just pushing her away. You don't say what the circumstances were that caused the break-up, but she seems pretty sure about it...at least enough to not want to talk with you about it. Showing up on her doorstep will completley kill off any chance you ever had. If there is any chance of you both getting back together then you need to stop trying to call her and give her the breathing space she has already established.
Take this time to be with yourself. Look back on the relationship and learn what you can from it. Can you see what led to the break-up? Can you understand her reasons for it? Get yourself in order first. Maybe in time she'll be ready to talk with you again...and then again maybe she won't. Either way, she has made it pretty clear to you what she wants. Beating yourself up trying to get in touch with her when she clearly doesn't want to or wondering if she is with another guy won't help.
Let her go, give yourself time to heal and process all that happened, and, if after a month or two (or more) you still want to talk with her then send her an email. If she replies, then great. If she doesn't then you have your final answer. Sometimes spending years with someone isn't enough...sometimes people just need to move on.
She didnt move out there thats were shes been living all her life...i mean..what do i do we been ogether for 3 1/2 years..i cant just let the woman that i love and was everything to me just walk out with eas =/
Let me recount your story from a distance: your girlfriend decides she doesn't want to be with you anymore, she breaks up to you, moves to California, doesn't give you the address and ignores your calls. In response, you repeatedly call her (even when she doesn't answer), you devise to fly out to where she lives (despite not knowing the address), and worry that she is with someone else.
That doesn't sound to me like "stalker" behaviour; it sounds like a guy who has had his heart broken and is having trouble accepting that his relationship is over.
I'm sorry to say but, from what I've heard, it sounds like she has moved on with her life, and so you need to move on with yours. Spend more time with your friends or make new ones, take up a new hobby, exercise, take baths, listen to music... Getting busy makes moving on a lot easier.
I'm not saying you'll never have her back. I'm saying that you can't wrestle a dove- you can't "get" her back. If she wants to come back to you, she knows where to find you.