My boyfriend and I decided to cohabitate on October 31 of this year. Yes, only a few LONG weeks ago! He has a 4yr old boy from a previous relationship, I have a 10 yr old & 7 yr old from my previous marriage, both girls. He is a farmer, who took over the family farm when his Dad passed away, his mom now lives in a town about 45 minutes away with her husband. My bf and his ex split up when the boy was 11 months old. His mom, since then, comes out to his place (her name is still on title of everything), or her place, I'm not real sure which one it is anymore. She comes out for days, sometimes weeks at a time. She runs the house, even when I am there - which has left me leaving. I go somewhere because I feel like an outsider. This when it is just me, my bf and our kids, things go smooth. Much smoother than when his mom there. My kids have structure and routine. Their bedtime is 9. This 4 yr old has had a bedtime of '9' since he was like 1, but his real bedtime is more like 10, 11, 12...whenever he feels tired enough or falls asleep on the couch.
The night before last, I put my kids to bed at 9. They catch the bus to school in the AM and I work a FT job. The boy and his grandma were 'playing' in 'their room' (they share a room and sleep together, etc, etc). I was not very tactful is asking her to respect the 'bedtime rule' that her son and I had agreed to before I moved in.
I don't feel at home in this house, my 10 year old always asks why she has to go to bed before the 4 year old, the 4 year old has no boundaries, no limits, no structure. When I asked the grandma about how I should explain it them, she laughed and said, 'because he doesn't have to get up in the morning and go to school.' In my view, we have no hope of ever functioning as a 'unit', we will never collaborative in certain areas, such as bedtimes, and sleeping in our beds by ourselves. I did not move into this house to live with my boyfriends mom, I did it to live with him. How do I get this situation straightened out? How do I get her to stay home? How do we try to get some of these things on the right page??? I'm 3 weeks in, and I want out already.