Asked by Jacquelineruso on
Dating a guy with kids
Well, there's this guy I like and he's a few years older than me who's a part time cop while working for the army and has a 3 yr old little boy. He's not seeing anyone but I've never dated anyone with kids before and he seems like he has been there and done that already kinda guy. What's it like dating someone with kids (when you don't have any)? I probably imagine some don'ts would be not to underestimate his parental authority (big no no) and his 1st priority is his boy not me, which I like and respect anyone who puts their kids first like that. On top of that, he seems like he's a great guy but any pointers for dating a guy with kids?
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i have not dating a man with a child.
but i do know about children, i am the oldest daughter of a large family and have many nieces and nephews.
also a brother that married a woman with a child!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
being flexible with some grounds rules is nice.
and
the parent do the parenting!
let me know where i can help and be supportive
especially if a little one or teenager is bleeding!!!!!!!!!!!!
if there not hurting or introuble it's all good!
vote
I can concur with that statement, how much an ex can be a pain..been there and done that (not the best idea)
You'd be surprised how much an ex-girlfriend can still be a pain! But all in all it sounds like it could be a good thing for both of you. Best of luck!
Well, I'm only 20 and he's 26 and he sees his son every other weekend how much contact he has with the mother I don't know. She's his ex girlfriend not his ex wife and if it wasn't for his son, I'm pretty sure he wouldn't have much to say or do with her since she's seeing another guy and cheated on him while he was in Iraq. I may be a bit young to date a guy with kids but I don't mind giving it a shot and see where it goes.
I like Lyz's list. I've never dated anyone with kids, but I've known a few ladies who have dated guys with kids, and the one thing that they underestimated the most was just how much the child would come before them. Sure, intellectually it was understood...but as the relationship progressed and things became more emotional it became obvious that they weren't going to get the kind of time with the guy that they wanted, and it wasn't like they were trying to tie up all his time, but giving up even 2 nights a week can be tremendously difficult for a single parent.
The other part that was also underestimated was how much the child's mother was still in the picture and what her hold was on the guy. That part doesn't sound like something for you to worry about with this guy, but I've known of a couple ruined relationships because the children's mom really had most of the governing authority on the kids and would threaten the guys with having less time with the kids...if any at all.
I think the hardest part I would have in dating a woman with kids is that I really don't want to be introduced to the kid, create a bond, and then (possibly) just leave because the relationship ends after some indeterminate amount of time...I just don't like the idea of this kid having a possible parade of guys coming and going in his life...at least if he doesn't have at least one constant male role model in his life.
Keep in mind, I'm not trying to persuade you to not date the guy, just to be aware of some things that may pop up. Who knows, maybe things will work out beautifully with him!
Thank you Lyz these are definetly some great great pointers I need to know so far..
You know, I haven't dated a guy with kids, but having a lot of friends with kids and having none of my own, I've learned a few things.
1. Don't give parenting advice. Ever. Even if they ask.
2. Encourage them, tell them when you observe positive interactions and tell them what a great mom/dad they really are.
3. Listen. Kids are a huge part of parents lives. Sometimes when they go on and on about the difficulties of potty training or temper tantrums, they just need you to listen. Be an friendly confidant, but be careful not to give advice. Just listen and smile and encourage them.
4. Don't be upset if you don't meet the kid for a long time. His son is young and he wants to protect him. Even if you know you are trustworthy and honorable, don't push that boundary and don't take it personally. Often, it has very little to do with you and more to do with parenting styles, personalities and past. Don't take it personally, and don't push it. Let it happen in its own time. Even if that time is a long time. Be emotionally prepared and ready for that.
With my friends I used to get a little upset when they didn't ask me to baby sit or take me up on my offers to baby sit. What I learned eventually was that kids change the dynamic of the relationship, all relationships. And parents have different styles and picadillos (pacifier, no pacifier, etc) that can sometimes make people defensive, especially if you grew up in a pacifier home and your friend is anti-pacifier. Remember that their choices are not a judgement upon you or the way you were raised. So, whatever you do, don't take it personally. Also, you are the parents friend and sometimes they need a break from the kid, so not asking you to babysit or not bringing the kid when they hang out with you is not a personal insult, sometimes they just want to be with you without the distractions.