Asked by Cohaku1188 on
What can I do to be less intimidating to men?
I am six feet tall and proud of it. I don't slouch, I carry myself proudly with my head held high. I have a "robust" or "forceful" personality, as many have said, and I am resonably inteligent. I've had a few guys flat out tell me that I am intimidating (one was a guy I had a HUGE crush on him, the other is in his late 50's and is kind of a father figure). How can I be less intimidating, without being untrue to myself?
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I was thinking about what you said. I too have a force of personality - and I do not mean that with pride, but with humility...sometimes when I see outside myself I can see what it can be perceived like - from others in. It can be intense. When I was younger I would actually have kids cry when I walk by in church... true story... however, I was equally cowled by the old, German-based ladies of the church. Especially the ones that were 55+. As they say in Norwood, MN ... (the new community I had just moved into) "Those ladies are Dutchy." Sounds strange - I know - but in that community; It MEANT something. Their men were proud of the steel in their ladies... they weren't boastful, but were deeply proud. Their ladies were made of hard stuff, stern even, faces like a storm cloud, their glasses around their necks on a chain, links the size of a babies fist. I was a stranger that moved into the community.. Literally freaked them out. I had this 'biker' phase I going through during the time... (give me a break - I was in my 20's - and look like Jesus and Jerry Garcia wrapped in a biker jacket). Well, after a few months, I was helping with the sound boards at the church... I would sit back, behind a glass wall and 'cut' the microphone as soon as a song was to start...due to the fact that the Pastor had the most HORRIBLE singing voice... HORRIBLE - even he knew it. Because it was a smaller church, the sound board had problems... So even though I cut the mike, every now and then, the thing would pop back on. Since I was behind everyone, in a glass booth, I would see all the ladies and men start to look around... look at the speakers in the corner, look at each other... than turn and look at me. Stern, dark clouds in mass... literally. I, being the person I am, would get more 'Irish', as my Grandmother would say (she was married too my Irish Grandfather)... So now I look like a storm cloud as well... this happened over and over... after about a month of this happening, during a time when the Pastor was in a particularly robust mood, belting out some old hymn with abandon, the mike popped back on. LOUDLY. The whole place did the compound look up-speaker-each other-then me-move in unison, in about 30 seconds flat... Reminded me of the time I turned around at a 3-D movie and saw everyone with their stupid glasses on... I just started laughing. I couldn't stop.. The more I laughed, the more their faces clouded over, the harder it made me laugh. Remember, I am in a glass booth, everyone can see me... The funny thing was, after I calmed down, and the service was over, almost everyone of those older ladies at that church made a point to walk over, grab my arm and say something incredibly kind, and sweet.. Starting with the first lady - to me - the hardest of the bunch. I watched out for her. So, I see her come over like a Sherman tank, steel eyes and white hair, up to me, smiles, grabs my arm, leans in and says "Boy, if I were younger, you would be running". Amazing, I'll never forget her... After about two years, and shortly before I was too move from Norwood, I asked the Pastor about the place... How everyone was like the way they were, in that strange German-American Rural Minnesota way (sun behind the clouds way), and how it took months before anyone would talk too me. That was when the Pastor told me it wasn't rural reticence that gave them pause... it was the way I looked.. I was a stranger in a strange land. Big, bushy, hairy, rolling around on a motorcycle, walking into church in black leather and boots.. They couldn't figure me out.. the kids, small ones, would cry when I walked by for Pete's sake (yes he said that)... He then informed me that was why I was given the task of the sound boards (a position of importance I did not realize at first) - too calm the kids. He said that was when they finally figured me out - when I was at the sound board, in the booth; when I started laughing. They came up to talked too me.. because I started laughing...
Imatoon, you're dead on right. Gauntlet, I like the food for thought.
Screw the guys who're intimidated! They can't handle you then they aren't the ones for you! You love who you are and that is the first step in finding someone who will also love you for who you are.
When you meet men, try to keep sitting ....... if you are not standing, you won't be that tall intimidating woman.
Cohaku1188
I'm going to interject another point here because I don't feel this as black and white as you might think it is. I'll give you my opinion from a mans point of view here on what I see with tall women.
Personally speaking, I'm 5'10 and I have no problem dating a woman who is in the 5'11
to into the six feet tall range. I find short and taller women attractive and I'm secure enough with my manhood that I would not be intimidated what so ever to be seen with a taller woman next to me. I'm sure there are other men who are the same mindset as I am.
What I find is that most taller women seem to already have it in there minds that either A. They refuse to date men who are shorter then them or B. They already have it decided in their minds that only taller guys will want to date them.
In the case of B these women give off the "I don't want to even try" signals from a mile away and it's not always a case that men won't date you, that the taller women give off a very distant, negative signal.
Consider what signals your giving to other people but other then that, don't change who you are as a person but men can sense these type of things. If someone does have a problem with your height though then by all means just don't date them.
The question that comes to mind when I read your post though is, are you open to dating shorter men or do you really prefer to date only men your height or taller?
Just be your big beautiful self. Take your height as a litmus test, if they can't handle you as you are, then it is better too find it out right away than have some little boy feel emasculated down the road. Sooner or later, hopefully, boys will become men.