Asked by daqueengurl on
How do I fall in love with him?
I need a way out quickly...There is a guy in my life that I started dating with the thought that i loved him but i now think it was infatuation, the more i try to love him, the more I get pissed with everything in the relationship. He loves me so much I know and he loves my family. I'm scared to let go of him because i'm not getting younger and i need to start my own family soon, not sure that if i let go I will find another one that I will love. Simply to put it, I've noticed that i do find it difficult to fall in love...Should it be that my heart is not made to love or i have some psychological problems that need to be dealt with. Please I need solutions that will help, i'm in dilemma. I'm 25 yrs old.
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OK, you're 25! If you feel that you have to force yourself to love someone because you don't feel like you'll ever find anyone, you need to stop. You can't force yourself to love someone. I've seen the results of that and you don't want that pain. It sounds like you're under some obligation and no man that I know wants a woman who doesn't truly love him.
I don't know you personally but you don't strike me as someone who doesn't have the capacity to love. How do I know this? You're aware enough to ask the question and that's not the mark of someone who lacks the capacity. I just think you need to ask yourself some really tough questions like why you feel the need to force yourself to love someone you don't really love? Why do you feel so hopeless about finding someone at age 25? Love should not be like an obligation. That's not fair to either on of you.
If u need to ask how to fall in love in someone , the chance is - u will NEVER love this person!!! I think you should let him go, your bf deserve someone that loves him and not using him as a lifesaver......
Beside, you said it yourself, by forcing yourself to love your bf more , you get more pissed with everything in the relationship. What's the point of being in a relationship when you know you will be unhappy???
You're 25 and you're already saying that you're not getting any younger? WOW! Before you disclosed your age, I figured you were in your 40's or something.
First, stop pressuring yourself to be in a relationship. There are some parts of your post that suggest that you're willing to settle. You shouldn't do that, and you DEFINITELY should not start a family with someone who you don't want to be with.
Second, stop trying to overanalyze things! You're 25! What makes you think that you have the emotional and mental wisdom of a more mature woman? You don't have all of the answers, and you never will have all of the answers. Life is the one school that we never graduate from, because we should always learn something.
RELAX! You need to figure out who you are, what you are about, what your goals are, how you want to achieve those goals, etc. You should have a clear idea of yourself before you get anyone involved in your life for a lifetime. You are not the same person as when you were 20, and you will not be the same person 10 years from now. Realize that, understand that and embrace it.
After you have given some thought to yourself, think about what it is that you bring to the table in a relationship. What do you have to offer? Then, think about what qualities your potential mate should possess. Try to be reasonable with those, and don't have unrealistic expectations.
You're only 25! Enjoy life each day as it comes. Don't rush to make a family, because once those children come along, your life is no longer your own. Learn about yourself. Grow as much as you can, and surround yourself with positive people who can help you to grow.
Oh honey... it may feel like this is a deep dilemma but I assure you it's not. I was single for 4 years, taking the time to date and work on myself, all the while thinking I was ready for a relationship, where was he??? I'm now 28 and FINALLY I met someone that is everything I've ever wanted.
All this to say that in the end, you have to be true to yourself. You can't force love my dear! You're not getting younger but you're far from getting old. What type of relationship do you really want to have? Are you satisfied with just having someone there or do you want a strong, unique and deep connection with someone that will last a lifetime? If you really want a quality, healthy and balanced relationship you have to get out of the one you are currently in, just be OK with the fact that this guy isn't the One and that one day, maybe soon, maybe later, you will find someone that's wonderful for you and he will feel the same about you!