Asked by w8ing on
my ex wife still lives at my house and I found someone online
that pretty much sums it up my ex knows we are done (by her own doing) but thinks her current position is stable( she is teribley concieted) we have not had sex in a long time I have not said anything to the online lady and dont want to lie to her ,I feel real chemistry there I have kids she doesn't .my kids dont even know we are divorced (please dont judge it was just best that way) I dont know I think if I was comfortable with my current situation it would be easier to explain but I do not approve of myself . I want to just throw it out there but with her being single and not having kids I fear she will nit appreciate the complications I face both family wise and monetarily.
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ok I guess you are totaly right, I do have to tell them( but is it ever gona sink my ship) I am realy disapointed in myself what I thought I was doing to protect them was only to my own benefit, seems painfully clear in rearview...thanks again betelgeuse
Hey w8ing... Betelgeuse here (wasn't sure if you noticed it was me) (spits)
Try going here and reading all about it. It's good advice ...if ya know what I mean.
http://singleparents.about.com/od/communicatingwiththekids/tp/Tell_the_K...
Hope it helps.
......... Betelgeuse (spits)
thanks betelgeuse:
right on the headfor the online lady portion!
I got the house and she pays child support (she is unstable to say it nicely) and although keeping it quiet has worked well I am sure your right with the internalizing. But alls quiet now and I just cant think of a way to shake it up without looking like a horrible person. your input was and would be appreciated
If ya don't try to make a move with the online lady and do nothing then she is gone. If you let her know what is happening then you give her the freedom of choice to choose for herself. Otherwise you are choosing for her. Don't choose for her. Let her choose. She might be OK with all of it. If she isn't then she will be gone. You have nothing to lose if you let her know. If you don't let her know, then you stand to lose her.
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Depending on how old your children are... maybe they don't ned to know about the new lady yet, because that isn't solid anyway. But, they should know about the divorce and that it isn't their fault. By keeping the divorce from them they will think it was their fault... because as children, it must have been their fault cuz why else would you hide it from them. Kids ALWAYS internalize EVERYTHING because they are trying to always understand and figure out where they stand in any situation or relationship. Bottom line... they just want to be loved and accepted.
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In the meantime, get out and go get an apartment as soon as possible. You will have child support to pay and your fiancial dilemma will be a mess for a while. That's gonna suck (spits). But, the lady... I would let her know. It shows you are honest... if ya know what I mean.
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Leave your past behind you, though. The new lady ain't gonna want to hear about your past relationship pain or struggles. She will want you to be over it and ready to move forward. If you are looking in the rearview mirror, you ain't looking forward. (spits)
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It's gonna be tough, but you need to pretend like your past marriage and struggles never happened and you ain't effected by none of it in a new relationship with the new lady. Your financial difficulties is understandable, though. But the new lady will want to know what yer future plans are... where yer headed, what yer goals are and how she fits in those plans... if ya know what I mean (spits)
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If ya need more help just say my name. But ya gotta say it three times!
Thanks in my heart I know what you say is right on, its just that among other things I have waited so long (the divorce took forever), and I was emotionaly shut down long before, that feeling something had the effect of pulling me out of the mud emotionaly.
I'd say since you and your wife are divorced but still living in the same house, you need to get that situation in order first. You need to both move your seperate ways and your kids need to know the truth.
The last thing you need to do though is push for another relationship while this is going on inside your house. You have more to think about then just you and your kids don't need to suddenly find out your with another woman and that gosh after all dad and mom really are not even married when we thought they were!
Seriously just back off the online thing and get the homefront sorted out first and move out.