Asked by Shoshanna on
How can I get this jerk out of my head?
I have known this guy for about four years. My best friend became friends with him so I have been seeing more of him.
He is loud, cocky, arrogant and I can't stop thinking about him! We fight constantly. He drives drives me nuts. I kept talking about how annoying he was and my best friend noticed and asked me if I had feelings for him. I acted disgusted, but inside realized I did.
We do have some chemistry. His best friend even said we did, but he is just such a jerk! People are always telling me he is nice, but apparently he is hiding that from me.
I have caught him staring at me when we all hang out and he is especially rude to me. Though to be fair I treat him like crap too.
I don't think I could ever act on these feelings because I might be imagining that he is attracted to me.
How can I stop thinking about him?
Post new comment
Lyz Lenz, I believe is correct. Like me, I am realizing that all of my years of burying myself in work just to earn money was a distraction for me. Without time to date or be in relationships, nothing could fail in a relationship because I always had a distraction while still moving forward with my life on some level. Having grown up extremely poor, I had a justification for working to avoid being poor and to not repeat the miserable side of my own parents failed marriage. It was a win-win for me, until now that I have no need for the distraction any longer. And as with you and this guy, it seems quite clear that it is exactly the type of behavior, except for different reasons than my own. The need to be distracted, I suppose, is to either avoid something or to gain something, or both. What a strange dichotomy we sometimes find ourselves in when we fail to understand the underlying driving forces that eventually leave us to face the consequences of our preposterous actions. Very interesting.
You are in a destructive cycle with this guy. You guys have a type of game. You are fixating on him because of the distraction it provides but its not going to lead you anywhere but a bad place. Move on and focus on something or someone else.
Rings Of Saturn brought up some great points. Really think about the points he made about how you have been treated over the years, trace things back and you will discover a lot.
Ask yourself what you really want to live with in your life. People for the most part in personality are the way they are and they don't change that much.
I'd ask yourself this. Do you love relationship drama in your life? Do you love breakups and get back togethers with men who abuse you and then tell you they love you moments later? Do you love to be called names and made to feel like dirt?
If you answered yes to those questions then I won't twist your arm to think different but seriously, you don't want to be coming back later when it's to late and you really feel used and abused by a guy like that.
Your choice though, good luck.
"How can I get ths jerk out of my head?"
"How can I stop thinking about him?"
Those are two very curious questions. I'm not convinced they are the correct questions that lead to what is actually happening inside your mind with this guy.
Curiosity is what kills the cat, you know.
Let me ask you this: Do you feel in some way that need to be punished for something?
Let me ask you this: Imagine you have a child. Imagine that you are about to release your own child in the hands of this guy.
Would he be fair to your child? Would you feel at ease to release your child to this man knowing how he is; those things you don't like about him?
Would you be being fair to your child for the health and welfare of your child if you allowed your child to be involved with this man?
If you answered, NO, which I suspect you did.
Let me ask you this: What is it inside of you that you are so angry and upset with that you would unfairly allow yourself to be released to this man?
I will toss out some guesses... and each of them could be wrong. It is up to you to realize what it is. Only you know yourself better than anyone:
1. Your father was obnoxious and rarely offered you a chance to voice your own opinion on things.
2. Your father did not take you love for him serious enough.
3. You did not feel loved enough by your father.
4. You have siblings that shunned you and you had to fight to be heard by them.
5. Your grandmother did not like your grandfather, but you loved your grandfather and died early and suddenly, but you did not have a chance to grieve for that loss.
Do you see where I am going?
Do not EVER do anything that you would not trust doing with your own children. You need to love and care for yourself because no one will be as kind and loving to you as you can be... and should be.
This man is nothing but a trigger of some other underlying emotion and you are getting ready to punish yourself because you feel that you need to be punished for some reason.
You need to find out why.
Stay away from him. It is not his fault, but he is picking up on your vulnerabilities. He will use your own weakness to devour you. He might be a nice guy, but his behavior is meant to be punishing. Only strong people can endure a close frind like him. Not those, like you, who inadvertantly get hose types "stuck in their mind." He is stuck there for all the reasons that I just described. If you did not have an underlying grievous issue that is unresolved, then he would not be stuck in your mind that way.