Asked by daqueengurl on
i said yes, wen i thought i loved him, after some weeks i started seeing things i dont like in him.
I met a guy, and of course I needed a serious relationship, he seemed to fulfilled all my needs, and i said 'yes' when my heart started beating for him...After some weeks i started seeing things i dont like in him, and later i discovered what i had for him was mere infatuation. Now, he mean something serious as he has proposed to me, through a ring which i collected, i know i rushed it all. i found love, care and all i could desire in this relationship, but my problem is that I dont think i love this guy and i dont know if i should quit, or stay in this relationship. Can i fall in love with him with time or I should find my way out of the relationship.......
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In a way you should consider yourself lucky. Many couples don't find out who the real person is until after they get married and then end up divorced!
As yourself a few questions. Those things that you see in him after a few weeks that you dislike, could you live with those things for a lifetime? Could you deal with probably more surprises then that once you marry him?
Don't let a ring decide what you feel, a ring does not speak and its minds it's manners on your finger. A person speaks, says things that you will either like or not like and wakes up with you everyday.
What can you live with?
Remember though, you don't marry the ring, you marry the person. Just by what I'm reading, I'd say work on your own self worth as Tbone64 suggested and pass on this person. They are not the right one for you but don't fear being single! have more fear of being married to the wrong person. ;)
First of all, you shouldn't "need" a relationship. This is exactly what you get when you start putting your priorities in the wrong place. What you need is some time to yourself to figure out who you are as a person, what you are about, what you like about yourself, and what you would like to improve about yourself. Notice that I didn't say anything about a man, because right now, you don't need one. You've already pulled some guy in by expressing something that you found out not to be true, and you admit that you rushed things. Whether you want to admit it or not, you've played with this man. Instead of taking the time to get to know him, and find out what he was really about, you rushed things. Now you're not liking what you see, and you want to throw him back into the toy bin. That's really messed up.
Get yourself together.
It wasn't infatuation. It was romantic love. There is another more stable form of love called companionate love. Many people believe romantic love is followed by disillusionment. People are still drawn to something they seldom reach, even in romantic love. It is a profound longing. A desire that is difficult to extinguish, until companionate love takes over. Romantic love is not something that must crumble when faced with practical realities. To love someone, and for that love to endure, requires the ability to see that person with clarity. Most people never learn how to sustain a loving relationship. The reason is simple. Nobody showed them. The mere fact that a man and woman feel love toward each other does not guarantee they will be able to create a joyful and rewarding life. Love does not automatically teach a person communication skills. Love does not teach a person how to resolve a conflict. Love does not teach people how to weave their love into the rest of their life. For most people who fall in love, a time will come when they sense the beginning of problems. They know that romantic love can produce great joy and happiness. But with time, they begin to feel more alone. They experience self-doubt and they feel the consequence of their unmet needs. They begin to see the other person more like they truly are and not what they needed them to be. They usually begin to find faults in others and they may become jealous, angry, bitter, sarcastic or cynical. Many will separate or remain together in misery. They will often have children and try to raise a family in an effort to revive the relationship or to feel better. Many will have an affair. When they separate or divorce, some will get involved in another relationship too quickly. They try to find some way to ease the pain. They idealize this new person in their life and the cycle starts over. They say to themselves, "I'll never be hurt like that again. When a man and woman encounter each other in midst of love they seek intimate contact. In a general sense, love is a response to something we intimately value. Romantic love is the experience of joy in the presence of a loved one, joy in being close to a loved one, and joy in our interaction with a loved one. Life is worthwhile - at any age - when we find something worth pursuing. You must ask yourself: Is he worth it to you to pursue? Does he mean that much to you now that you see him the way he truly is? If you answered yes to both of those questions, then you have something! You will love him more deeply and more maturely as you grow and as he grows. Do not expect perfection from him. He must not expect perfection from you. Each of you have faults. You always will. You might not like him in some ways, and that is normal. The question is: Do you love him? Love is forgiving. Love is accepting. Love is gentle. Love is kind. Love knows value. Some say love is blind. Forget that. Dysfunction is blind. He will have faults, but that does not make him or you dysfunctional. Simply said, you are realizing who he really is. Now you can choose to love him as he is, or you can choose to start over and find romantic love with someone else, and start over. Either way, you will ultimately need to make the choice. I can only offer you the necessary knowledge of realizing what you are actually feeling, recognizing and dealing with. Good Luck! ...oh, and if it were me? Personally, there was something valuable there to begin with. I would stay and move forward, if it were me. But that is just me. Good Luck!
Give it time, don't have sex with him and you'll soon see what your really have.
Well if you don't love him don't get engaged.
But all relationships start with infatuations and all people have things that you won't like about them. No one is perfect. Its deciding whose imperfections you want to put up with.
But I understand. I too got into a relationship with someone I was infatuated with and a few weeks into it I realized I didn't actually LIKE this guy at all. I really only liked the idea of him. In that case, I got out the moment I realized it. It hurt his feelings, but I don't regret it for one moment. The guy I dated next turned into my husband.
dear, i think you should believe what ur heart say.. ask ur heart 'do I love him?'.. but from my opinion, u should stay with ur boyfriend.. give ur heart some time.. like me.. i never like that guy but when i really know him i'm falling for him.. maybe cuz i give my heart some time to know him and i think you should the same thing.. but if ur heart hardly say u should leave him, then.. i wish u all the best kay!!!