Asked by Lady on
More then friends?
Been good friends with a co-worker for years. He tends to be on the shy side. Before i left for a european vaction this summer things were going good and ever since ive got back hes made unusual statements. recently we went out and i got really drunk and he spent the whole night dancing with me and caressing me even walking to his car hand in hand. The next time i saw him i played it off like i didnt remember now im not sure if i hurt his feelings or he just took adavntage that i was drunk and just likes the attention i give him. Not sure what to read from his actions since most things happen between us while were both drunk
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Get to know eachother without being intoxicated it's always better that way more real and as real as it gets.
souinds like he likes u more than a friend
It's never a good idea to use liquor as an excuse for any behavior, whether positive or negative. In this case you two are coworkers, which may itself be a dicey situation if your company has any policy against employee romances - whether formally set out in your employee handbook, or an informal "understood" practice.
But most importantly, you need to stop hiding from him and clearly communicate that you are interested in something more with him. I'd say start by telling him "I really liked it when you held my hand the other night." or "You're such a great dancer, when are we going to do that again?"
In other words, give him a little encouragement that lets him know you want to spend time with him and that you enjoy his advances, no matter how timid they may be. He is showing you the utmost respect and being very careful not to overstep boundaries he is unsure of. If you want more, I'm afraid its going to be on you to make that happen.
ive been in the same situation and the right thing to do is get to know him more to get him out of the shy side and see how he really does react to things=
good luck
Vasha has an excellent point. I forgot about that Vasha! ...man... it's been a long time. You are right! I just forgot. Talking can be stressful for a shy person.
I bow out of this... I think Vasha has the more nurturing and careful, subtle approach.
Yes. I think so.
Shy and timid people have problems "talking it out" as this is very stressful. Sometime you need to "show them" by touching and caressing. Some people are very inhibited so talk just does not work or can scare them away.
Don't make a big deal of a "date" but get together and show him your feelings. If talk come up then be gentile and take his hand He may need encouragement. If it still is not working ask him to kiss you, Make it known what you want.
"if he just took advantage" what does that mean? "Taking advantage" of what? You were drunk, but that isn't "taking advantage" either. "Taking advantage" of an opportunity would be correct. Spending the whole night dancing and caressing you is the crossing of a new boundary. Why step backward? Move forward! Drinking only loosens our inhibitions. If he wasn't obnoxious, then there is no problem. He meant what he was doing. He is shy, so it only makes sense that in his drinking (and yours) that inhibitions are set aside. But, is your openess while drinking actually genuine? Can both of you achieve what you did without drinking? You "played it off" because you are shy, too. I would say, don't go backward.
Are you more than friends? You mean, if neither of you would have been drinking, would this had happened?
Don't over analyze it.
If he causes enthusiasm in your heart (makes you happy), and if you make him happy. Your shyness is getting in the way. Try it without alcohol. Just ask him out. Let him ask you out.
What happens when both of you are drunk is exactly how you feel when you are sober. No one takes advantage of anyone in that situation when those feelings are there, sober or drunk. However, to be fair to yourself and to him, both of you need to connect without being drunk. My suggestion is to sit with him in a quiet, dark, private, calm and peaceful place... in the dark, or almost dark. Sit close. Chat. Laugh. Touch and even giggle if you must. Move forward and see what happens. If those feelings are still there, then great! you won't know unless or until you try it without drinking.
Good Luck!
Ask him out.
You can't know how a person feels until you talk to them.