Asked by Voli23 on
Can the pot call out the kettle for being black???
So this guy, let's call him Gary, and I were having a sweet and loving fling. Sweet, b/c sex was a SMALL part of it, and loving, b/c we truly cared for one another. Why is it a fling then? We'll I was moving soon, and he was leaving to tour through another continent. We had a specific conversation that neither one of us was seeing/dating anyone else at the time. I took him at his word, and he, mine.
Now, my suspicions are confirmed. By a friend of his and the wonders of Facebook, I now know that he was DEFINITELY seeing someone else at the same time as me. He met her a bit before me, but he introduced me to his ENTIRE family and close friends. ??? We had a very nice relationship, despite the lack of time. I am a bit upset, b/c he completely lied to my face, but I'm no angel either.
I had "relations" with an ex and a one-nighter with a friend. It was perhaps my last time seeing them, so I gave in to the temptation and the alcohol, respectively. I didn't tell "Gary" about these, b/c they were isolated events and no emotions were involved afterward.
Do I have any right to confront him about his lies? And even if I do, should I tell him of my deeds, or let him feel the guilt in full force? I just feel that he can't get away with lying to me, and if needed, I will confess my deeds to him as well.
FYI: I have learned that he stole a good amount of money from a close friend and he lied to me recently on the phone about WHO was going with him on an upcoming vacation.
Ahhhh! Please help!
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Don't confront him, just move on... you think you will feel better if you confront him, but you won't... Just move on
There is nothing to be gained by confrontation. Sometimes we want to confront so that we can feel better about ourselves. We live in ourselves and should develop the capacity to be at peace with ourselves without speaking our mind to find closure.
There are millions of guys out there, now go enjoy your day!
Ahhh...you never said it was 2 months old.
Yeah, in your shoes, if he kept pressing I would be really tempted to slam him on it...but you had your fun too soooo....
The money thing...unless your friend has asked you for help I'd probably stay out of it.
But, yeah, I'd probably hold off on slamming him for his "infidelities" unless he absolutely doesn't get the point that you don't want anything to do with him anymore.
If you want to wahs your hands of him, then just tell him that it was nice while it lasted, but you want to move on. Let it go at that.
I completely agree with the both of you, but the main thing is, is that the fling was over TWO months ago and now HE pops up wanting to drive out to see me and inviting me to his family's vacation. (he's back in the states now) He's wanting to string me along, while I have been over him for a while now. There are NO strings on my part. I just don't like the feeling that he thinks that he can pull the wool over my eyes on this.
I usually try to end things on a good/friendly note, but with him, I am seeing less and less of a need to do so. I hope to gain a "washing of hands" of him.
I'm with Lyz. Sure, you both said this would be just the two of you and no one else but that it wasn't serious, and now you're sure you've caught him lying and you've already fooled around twice...so what are you really wanting to get out of this? If this was really nothing serious then calling him out on his other fling really won't do anything other than put a bitter end on something you refferred to as being sweet that you caused damage to as well.
If you both were intent on being serious about this then there would definitely need to be some talking between you both, and you both would need to come clean. As it stands now it just sounds like you are upset that he lied even though you lied as well.
Enjoy the memory of it and walk away, otherwise you are just waisting energy.
What do you hope to gain by confronting him? What is the end goal? You want him to admit everything and confess he'll never lie again and that you're the one?
It's not going to happen. You went in to this "fling" knowing that it was a "fling" a short-term relationship before he moved. No strings attached.You knew that too, or else why did you have a "fling" with your ex at the same time? And now you have strings and you want him to admit his lies?
I admit, he sounds smarmy and I think you should end this fling. But I just don't know why you think you should confront him? What do you hope to gain?