Asked by xoxo717 on
is on line dating cheating?
i have been with a man for a year been living together for six months he gets e mail from on line dating sites girls "offering" their all...he say he has been on those sites for a long time i think he should cancel and bow out of those "match maker hot date" sites
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what your man is doing is fine. when are you going to start doing it?
LEAVE HIM. If he thinks this is even up for debate, he's not worth dating no less living with like you are. Get out now or you'll regret putting up with this guy and all the time you wasted when you discover you don't share the same values. When you don't share the same values, you can't share a life together.
should and shouldn't - very fine grey line, huh?
The cyberworld is now a big part of our lives, so I'm guessing alot of personal values and trust issues are going to be breached.
We'll all have to reset our moral compasses. I have to say this though , it does enhance and excite the senses of the parties involved, whether it benefits those around ? lf they knew how you got to this stage don't you think it'll be like shit hitting the fan?
My husband of 17 yrs was caught cybersexing. Apparently he continued after he was caught the first time 10 yrs ago. The first time I forgave, this time he got hell. It does not matter if he cheated just on-line in a mental/emotional capacity or if he did it in real life. Cheating is cheating whether it is old fashioned way of meeting up or hi-tech sex on line. He even had a secret identity as a woman until he was sure it wasn't me he was on line with. I felt like the last 10 years of my life married to him was based on a lie. Now I can't trust him. If he is 3 minutes late, I want to know where he is and who with. I don't even want him to touch me at this point since I don't really know if its me he is thinking of or his cyber slut. Since he has been caught and everything is now out...he is loving, attentive and like it used to be before. But the damage is done. The trust is gone. I am now considering divorce. To put it in Tina Turner's words..."What's Love Got To Do With It?"
a mans answer online dating is a turn on for me in return better for my wife!
I agree usually if a man is serious about a relationship he wouldn't need anyone to tell him to unsubscribe to the sites. But having been on sites like those and even AFTER unsubscribe STILL getting messages it can be a little difficult but NOT impossible.
I don't want to disagree with Love Coach, some of her points are valid, but I do believe that once your living with a man, that's a commitment ! I don't agree that he should be using an online dating site if he is sleeping in the same bed as you, sharing everyday life. It would red flag me immediatly if he was using the site still, and frankly, if he wasn't ready to commit, why did he move in with you, or you with him ? If it doesn't make sense, it's not true. That's what I go by. I would ask to be enlightened about the reasons for still having it. That is not being insecure at all to want to know why he feels it necessary to still have it. I had one also, until I met someone, whom I don't live with yet, but adore, and I sent all my personals to spam....just like that. I found what I'm looking for, and if he ends up not feeling the same about me, then hook back up with your dating sites, it's as simple as that. I think it is cheating, and I wouldn't want to wonder if he really does use it......just my opinion, but I think your right, and red flags should be flying.....
Hi there -This is a very important question you have raised. Lets get one thing clear just because a man is "sexually exclusive" with you, has agreed to move in with you or been with you for a long time does not mean he is committed in his heart to you. This is probably the biggest mistake a woman can make is believing a man is more committed than he really is. A man commits to you when and only when he feels like it. You cannot force a man to commit, he has to feel it in his heart. If he is still online dating it simply means he is not fully committed to your relationship - it does not make him wrong or right, good or bad. It simply means he is somewhat undecided and you need to adjust your sails accordingly. Reacting from a place of fear and insecurity, making demands, asking thousands of insinuating questions, placing ultimatums etc will not make your man commit. In fact it will do the exact opposite, it will signal to his subconscious that this relationship is on edge and god forbid drama prone - he will withdraw. You will most likely react by trying to hold on tighter and he will withdraw further or start to put his energies elsewhere. If you love this man and want to create a life with him you need to be able to reconnect with his heart from your heart. You cannot ask him to not play online - you have to give him reason not to. Harsh as this may sound it is the only way to end this problem once and for all. If he has a true porn addiction - well this is a completely different story and he may need serious help but if he is just fishing around - you will be wise to take serious note of this. You may also wish to keep your options open at this point and do a bit of dating yourself - expressing that it is totally ok if he is not ready to be committed yet and simply match him where he is at. Or you can make his offline line even more exciting than his online life by really listening to what he requires, needs and wants from you and do your best to provide it to him. The better you are at fulfilling his needs you become the better he will become at fulfilling yours. You have to look deep inside yourself and make sure this really is the right man for you and its just not a better than nothing relationship before you walk down this particular path - "Choose your mountain to die on" babe - Best of luck and feel free to contact me if you need any additional coaching. I offer a free session to all new clients. x
cause its not like your going to stop him on what he does u know what i mean hes going to do what hes going to do even if u want him to stop u cant make a person to stop doing something its there choice what they want to do just like its our choice on what we want to do but if its ok for the men to do that why is that the woman get yelled at if they do it
even though it hurts to admitt this i think your right if the man is not committed to you that means u cant force him to commit to you even if the person is living with u cause sometimes the feelings he used to have isnt there no more and if he wants to find someone else he has every right to its his choice too just like it would be the woumans choice
I see no good, solid reason for him to stay on those dating sites. He's getting a thrill, and even if he isn't meeting the women physically in person, it is flirtation and there is temptation. Within the scope of your committed, living together relationship, he is showing you disrespect. Pose the question back to him, and see how he would feel if you were out on those site communicating with "single men". He should delete his profiles and close the accounts.
Yep! I agree that emotional cheating is still cheating. He should be giving you the attention he's spending on those sites. I think it's an obvious sign he's not committed to the relationship and still looking for something. It's all or nothing kid.
Yes It is.. If you think about it. It is form of cheating on mater what some say .. If he is in bed with you he is thinking of someone else .. That he has seen on line and has no Respect for you or anything else.....
I see it as cheating. "Emotional" cheating is just as bad as hoppin' into bed with someone else, if not worse! And I agree... out of respect he should close those accounts.
I don't think it's cheating, but the fact that his accounts are still active suggests that he's open to meeting someone new, or that he's even passively on the prowl. Out of respect for you, he should deactivate them.
I think that he should delete them all if he loves you and you two are living together. That's not healthy for the relationship
:hugs: I hope it all gets better
definitely cheating!
Yes, online dating is ALWAYS cheating! Unless you're single... then it's ok.
Would he like you doing it? Personally, I would leave. No need to even fight about it. Move on to someone who has some values and respect. The faster you move on, the faster you'll meet Mr. Right who won't treat you that way.
What?! Really? I have read all of the responses and I disagree with all of them. Here is why:
First of all, in reality, it is NOT cheating!
Watch him walk out the door, go get a real woman, have a relationship with her... now.. THAT is cheating.
What happend to the old addage: "You can look but don't touch." ?
He isn't harming anyone, except for provoking your emotions of insecurity. Think about it... if you were absolutely secure... would you care?
No. You would not care.
It is not cheating. Is he committed to you? Is he fair? Is he loving? Is he gentle? Is he kind? Is he thoughful? Is he affectionate?
Maybe... just MAYBE those websites increase his libido? In that case... is he great in bed?
If you said... "Yes." he is great in bed... and IF it is because of those websites that YOU have a great sexlife with him... because you are the benefactor of his use of those websites. Well then, suddenly the entire dynamic and urgency of the matter changes.
"How does it benefit you"?
Well, how does it hurt or harm you?
Leave it alone. Leave him alone. He is not cheating on you. Until he actually does, if he ever does, which I doubt that he will, back off and let him be. It's not cheating.
an online dating is for those who are looking for a date obvoiusly,
but if you already have a partner why you would still join the site right?
i think your right,he should stop joining the match making because of you.
I agree with the other responses you've received. And yes I think its cheating- just not in the traditional way. People become very emotionally involved in those sites. Many relationships come out of these. And this probably isn't what you signed up for. Some people think that if you didn't have sex, you didn't cheat. But cheating isn't just about sex, its about deceit and sneaking as well. Both of these things erode trust. Once that's gone, its hard to get it back. You are right to ask for what you want. He has a right to decline your request, at which time you should really evaluate how far you want to go with this relationship.
Out of respect for you, he should delete ALL accounts of that sort. Of course, this discussion should have been talked about before you both moved in together. It's on that list we all forget.
I can tell you from experience, I deleted all my accounts after committing to a relationship, but one of them wouldn't let me delete it. I tried it several times and several different times, but it wouldn't let go of me. LOL.
There's always the ultimatum move, you only have to be ready to accept the consequences if you use that card. Good luck to you!
If you live together, it's serious. He should delete his profiles, as he's still technically casting his net. I wouldn't say it's cheating, but it's pretty disrespectful to you. After all, he's leading those other girls on, which is pretty wrong, too!
If he can't remember passwords to delete the profiles, he should at least set the emails to the junk or bin folders on his account.