Asked by bellabella on
Should I confront the other woman my husband is having an affair with?
We are not legally separated or divorced. He left me and my young son one day (told me he would do it but never when he would leave) and said that he needed time to figure things out. I did not assume that meant having an affair and now I fear that any chance we have to reconcile is squashed by this woman's presence in his life. She is a homewrecker and I will do anything to improve our marriage for the sake of our son, who misses his daddy very much and wants us to live together again. I just want her to know my feelings about what she is doing and tell her to backoff until my husband and I have cleared up our marriage one way or another.
Post new comment
All the spell I asked dr_k_healer_of.all_brokenheart@solution4u.com have been granted by his spell. It’s a true miracle that my lover would be back again. A million thanks! to dr_k_healer_of.all_brokenheart@solution4u.com
Honestly, I would not confront her. She has nothing to do with this. By "nothing", I mean your relationship with your husband. HE is the one that made the commitment to you and decided to stray. HE is the one you need to confront. She is not the homewrecker, HE is. At any rate, you should talk to him about it and have a plan b just in case he wants to end the marriage. I know that your son wants daddy around, but if daddy wants to be somewhere else, you and your son will have to live with that. Good luck and I hope things turn out as you would like them to.
My sincerest gratitude to priestoflovespell for the entire assistance I have received. I am now on my way to recovery. My operation went well. I express my gratitude to priestoflovespell for the pregnancy spell I received beforehand. Without the pregnancy spell none of this would have happened, Now my dream of having a family with Michael is a reality. i dont know how to thank him for bringing this joy in our life Matt is a miracle that he made for us. God Bless Priestoflovespell@yahoo.com.
i would say yes !!! and plaese people stop blaming the other woman ... your husband/wife is the one to blame !!! they were the ones who made promises and vows to you , not the other person .... you need to ask what your mate said to the other person to understand why they had an affair with them .... did they lie to the other person also ? more than likeley .... PLACE THE BLAME WHERE I SHOULD BE ON YOUR OWN MATE... they broke their vows and promise to you , no one else ... and then question what part did you play in the whole thing to cause that person to go out looking.... and you will see you are placing blame , hate, ect. in the wrong place...yes it is so much easier to place on the other person and calling them names because you don't know them , and you really want to blame someone else for it ... but it will never change the facts , your mate is to blame !!! and yes if you work hard you still can save what marriage you have left , and trust can be earned back as well in time ! take it for what it is ...one person broke the vows ... so stop blaming the other woman , and find out what b.s he told her instead so you can confront him and get to the real reson , cuz if not he will do it again and again ,just be a bit more smarted abou.t getting caught
My boyfriend and I broke up when he moved away. He did not want a long term relationship. I really thought it was over. I never imagined in a thousand years we would get back together, but we are today. I contacted this spell caster named divine.lovespell@aol.com, he really helped me so much. i feel so intimately our love is really going to last forever.
Bellabella - Are you nuts? Why would you want to confront her? What would be achieved by you, by her, by Hubby? Sweet FA that is what. You may 'think' that she will feel remorse or shame, but more likely she will say "now I know why Hubby came to me".
Just leave it - move on, forget the past, not worth the time or the headache.
Either, become a different girl and win hubby back, or better still, go out and excite someone else!
Live for you - enjoy life
Oh - and Franklin. What "kind of woman" (or man for that matter) is the type to sleep with married (sic) - I have 'slept' with dozens of married women, and I am a married man. Believe me, we all enjoyed it and ALL of us have better lives now because of it. And apsrt from 'sleeping' with them, we also made very enjoyable love..... grow up - get a life - and enjoy it - before it is over.
Why do you blame the woman? If you want to confront her.. sure call her .. But don't go sneaking around searching and going to the police with a fake story, or hire detectives.. lol.. just simply call her and if you want to meet, then do it.. But do it the right way..
If your husband is not ready to be a family man, I would say to him. " I will no longer put up with your shinnanigans. However, you will do the following things: 1) You will visit your child regularly on a court appointed schedule. 2) You will contribute financially, as needed. 3) There will be no more intimacy bewteen the two of us." 4) there will be no banter, ie, bad mouthing the other parent in front of the child. "
I would not confront her. I would talk to my husband, and ask him to end any relationships with this woman. If he continues to see her, I would divorce him. Both you and your son deserve to be treated with respect.
UPDATE: I just found out that the other woman died in a car accident this past April. At the time, she and my husband had broken up their affair and she was already involved with another man, who incidentally was the driver of the vehicle and the lone survivor. While I feel bad over the loss of human life, I also feel very relieved that I will never have to confront her in my life.
I also wanted to say thank you to everyone for your inspiring and supportive messages. It's been a wonderful support for me as I struggle daily sometimes. Will keep you posted. I haven't completely given up on my husband but have accepted the fact that what we had is over. If I want a relationship with him, it will have to be a new one. I can never go back but I can move forward. I think this time apart is good for both of us. I am working on my issues one at a time. If he is there when I am ready, fine and if he's still a jerk, then goodbye forever.
I just realized this question is from 09! Anyways, I am glad you are using this time to focus on bettering yourself. Maybe you two still have a shot! Good Luck!
After thinking on this.. and posting a couple of time.. I say, NO don't confront her - she doesn't care what you think.. She feels if you had taken care of him like you should, he would not have reached for her..
Leave her alone,
You don't this (that she doesn't care what you think).. Could it be she didn't know he was married? It all depends on the circumstances..
Has anyone thought the man may have not divulged he was married? Many of these men do leave the wife for the other woman.. Why? For the reason I stated in my other post.. He's been taken for granted for so long, he gets sick of it.
Women should think BEFORE there is problems..not afterwards.. Keep your marriage problems between the two of you, not the whole family and even some women tell their kids.. What? how stupid is that?
Oh well, guess they have to have someone to blame. too bad they don't place blame where it belongs.. on herself..
no i think it should be blamed on the cheater ..he broke the vows !!! and yes ask yourself did he tell you want he needed or wanted , and did she listen and try ? because sometimes being a mom sometimes the husband or wife gets pushed aside so the child gets all the extra time ?(as they should for the most part )... but its still not a reason to break a vow ... maybe ask for a divorce and really get the other person to really listen , and then do it before sleeping around .
You sound young and stupid and very much like the sort of chick that would sleep with married
I can understand about wanting to confront the "other woman".. I can also understand doing all kinds of searching... 99% of searches are wrong and just aggravating when you find out none of the facts are true.. but search if you must.. Better to call her, confront her.. or just plain ignore her..
What I would like to know, has any woman whose husband cheated thought maybe she is the source of his cheating?
When a woman tells her husband to "go get another woman..".. "does not have sex for 10 years".. "doesn't keep a clean house".. Never says, "I love you".. Never "greets him at the door when he comes home from work and says, "how was your day"... Expect him to cheat.. there are so many hungry women, beautiful, women, sexy women.. out there in the work force that he meets daily - that it is easy to find someone who appreciates him.. I know one like this.. and then SHOCKED when he talked to a woman online.. How stupid can she be.. but it happens.. IF you do not work to keep you "guy" happy at home, make him feel special, appreciate him if he is a hard worker and good father.. then I don't feel sorry for you..
Just my humble thoughts..
I can understand about wanting to confront the "other woman".. What I would like to know, has any woman whose husband has cheated ever thought maybe she is the source of his cheating?
When a woman tells her husband to "go get another woman..".. "does not have sex for 10 years".. "doesn't keep a clean house".. Never says, "I love you".. Never "greets him at the door when he comes home from work and says, "how was your day"... Expect him to cheat.. there are so many hungry women, beautiful, women, sexy women.. out there in the work force that he meets daily - that it is easy to find someone who appreciates him..
Just my humble thoughts..
no im in this situation. i confronted her wrote an email saying any women that sleeps with another womens husband is a whore. i got a call from the police she filed charges agaist me and its considered threatning. what can i do at this point?
You definitely should NOT confront his mistress. however, you need to find out as much about her as you can. As an infidelity expert who has been researching infidelity for the past 15 years, I always advise women to check the mistress out. You need to know what type of person he’s dealing with. Some mistresses are downright dangerous – as we’ve seen in the recent news about the Steve Phillips – Brooke Hundley affair. Hundley stalked, harrassed and terrorized Phillips wife and his oldest son to the point that they had to file police reports.
A few months ago, Steve McNair’s mistress Sahel Kazemi killed him, then turned the gun on herself. A few years ago Joey Buttafuoco’s mistress, Amy Fisher, went to his house and shot his wife, Mary Jo in the face. For the safety of yourself and your children, you need to check the other woman out so you’ll know if you need to take steps to protect yourself and your so.
Checking the other woman out can also help you figure out what kind of strategy to employ to get him back if that’s what you want. You may also uncover information about her that will make him drop her like a bad habit. For details on how to go about doing this, and what type of information you should be looking for, see the article entitled What You Need to Know About Your Husband’s Mistress and Why at http://bit.ly/NRmhn You might also want to check out the article entitled What Not to Do If He’s Cheating on You at http://bit.ly/1guhoS
There are other helpful infidelity articles full of practical information for women (and men) dealing with issues of infidelity on the National Infidelity Examiner page at http://bit.ly/WuobH
Contacting her means giving her importance and you do not want that. nothing good can come out of this. If you can, just give more time to yourself. Change something in your life, your appearance, take holidays with your kids. Give them love and attention, gain them to your side. you never know when they can throw the blame on your shoulders for your marriage`s failure. And speaking of your little ones, children can succeed in their lives even without one parent(personal experience). If u genuinely love him, give him the freedom he wants. Maybe he is making a mistake, maybe he isn`t. Try to detach yourself as much as you can and remember you can move mountains but sometimes humans are never to be moved. Think of you first, and then about your kids. If you are fine, they will be also. They can have two happy but separated parents rather than two who are together but hating each other. And think how you would feel after meeting seeing her. Wouldn`t you choose keeping a rather good memory of him instead?
I have been there, done that and it didn't help. I felt worse about the whole situation. I wish I had done two things: Filed divorce paperwork -- sorted it out throught the court, and never laid eyes on that woman. My ex-husband and I started dating in High School and he started cheating soon after. I thought it was ME and that by behaving better for him he would stop...22 years later I gave up. After 2 children, several affairs and 1 STD, the only thing I would change is ME. He is his own person and you are better off walking away. It will only get worse and staying together for the children is still common but can be just as damaging as divorcing. I am sorry for your pain.
Confronting is the worse thing to do. The are no controls anything might happen. Best is to be calm and let some time and self reflection go by. There may have been warning signs for months that things were not happy. You can change YOU! Whether for this or new relationships the inner dynamics may be ignored to the detriment of all.
Do nothing to him or her or their property. This isn't the 50's. These acts will involve the law and are very expensive to you. Get a lawyer? No, they cost money lots of money that could be put to better use if indeed it is over.
Fa-getta-bout HIM! Legally get your ducks in a row. Hit him where it hurts, financially! It will be as painful to him as he has hurt you. Be fair, just know what you and your son are entitled to by law. Men like that never change. They say they will try to make it work (all the while leading a double life) just to avoid any legal obligations due to you and your son. Cuz his cheatin' ass isn't gonna be able to keep the "homewrecker" if he can't afford her! And never, I repeat NEVER believe he will change, they NEVER do. Go to reputable medical-physch web sites and read up on cheaters (female & male). You are a strong, powerful, women. You deserve better!
well.... I was in a similar situation one time, the only time I ever had an affair with another woman. My wife handled it another way. She seduced the woman I was having the affair with. Yeah, that's right. She went to bed with her then made sure I found out.
I have to tell you, that really got my attention once the shoe was on the other foot. That was 25 years ago and my wife and I are still married. Neither of us ever cheated again. I don't recommend cheating for any reason but in our case it worked. We've never looked back.
To Conroy Avila. Your wife went and did it with your girlfriend?
Excellent - you should have encouraged more of that.
Sounds like a great scenario. They keep each other happy, you keep them all happy - sounds very happy.
Why just end up with one..... shame....
Here is what you should do:
Keep your anger in check, first of all.
Go to her house, then call the police on your cell phone. Tell them you need the police to come out to where you are. Wait for the police to arrive. Go up to the house, knock on the door, keep it simple and say this:
"Hello, my name is ______, and you are having an affair with my husband. I want you to stop seeing my husband. That is all I have to say. Thank you. Have a great life (or day), or whatever.
The police will file a report that they had to deal with the domestic dispute. If you ever need to file for a divorce later on, it will be on record. Keep a copy of the report.
Go to the clerks office and file for a PPO against the woman so she can never call you or come near you. Tell your husband to knock it off and that a divorce is inevitable if he doesn't knock it off.
With the police being involved, the two of them will cut the affair off in no time at all.
Good Luck!
I was in a similar position many years ago and I confronted the woman. My moto is you can't make anyone do anything they don't want to do. That woman probably knows he's married but only goes by what he tells her but confronting her will ake you look desperate and silly. So it is time to think about helping you b/c your son needs you and it appears that you mentioning your son how he wants his father and you to live back together again. It maybe that the possibility is tha the was seeing this woman before he left home and didn't have the guts to tell you he was cheating but made up a story that he needed time to figure things out b/c the truth be told he had things figured out when he left that is why it was so easy for him to have a relationship outside his marriage and Tyrone is right it is your time and you must be strong for your son rahter his father is in his life or not and please don't talk about his father negatively around him b/c he will end up resenting you not the father. So you have the freedom to get a divorce and remarry when the time is right. But not just to be in a relationship to have a father for your son b/c no man can take his father's place but can be of assistance to you in parenting your son. So my final word is face your demons and change you and be prepared to choose the correct man for you to compliment and he could be the appropriate head for yours and his household.