You definitely should NOT confront his mistress. however, you need to find out as much about her as you can. As an infidelity expert who has been researching infidelity for the past 15 years, I always advise women to check the mistress out. You need to know what type of person he’s dealing with. Some mistresses are downright dangerous – as we’ve seen in the recent news about the Steve Phillips – Brooke Hundley affair. Hundley stalked, harrassed and terrorized Phillips wife and his oldest son to the point that they had to file police reports.

A few months ago, Steve McNair’s mistress Sahel Kazemi killed him, then turned the gun on herself. A few years ago Joey Buttafuoco’s mistress, Amy Fisher, went to his house and shot his wife, Mary Jo in the face. For the safety of yourself and your children, you need to check the other woman out so you’ll know if you need to take steps to protect yourself and your so.

Checking the other woman out can also help you figure out what kind of strategy to employ to get him back if that’s what you want. You may also uncover information about her that will make him drop her like a bad habit. For details on how to go about doing this, and what type of information you should be looking for, see the article entitled What You Need to Know About Your Husband’s Mistress and Why at http://bit.ly/NRmhn You might also want to check out the article entitled What Not to Do If He’s Cheating on You at http://bit.ly/1guhoS

There are other helpful infidelity articles full of practical information for women (and men) dealing with issues of infidelity on the National Infidelity Examiner page at http://bit.ly/WuobH

Contacting her means giving her importance and you do not want that. nothing good can come out of this. If you can, just give more time to yourself. Change something in your life, your appearance, take holidays with your kids. Give them love and attention, gain them to your side. you never know when they can throw the blame on your shoulders for your marriage`s failure. And speaking of your little ones, children can succeed in their lives even without one parent(personal experience). If u genuinely love him, give him the freedom he wants. Maybe he is making a mistake, maybe he isn`t. Try to detach yourself as much as you can and remember you can move mountains but sometimes humans are never to be moved. Think of you first, and then about your kids. If you are fine, they will be also. They can have two happy but separated parents rather than two who are together but hating each other. And think how you would feel after meeting seeing her. Wouldn`t you choose keeping a rather good memory of him instead?

I have been there, done that and it didn't help. I felt worse about the whole situation. I wish I had done two things: Filed divorce paperwork -- sorted it out throught the court, and never laid eyes on that woman. My ex-husband and I started dating in High School and he started cheating soon after. I thought it was ME and that by behaving better for him he would stop...22 years later I gave up. After 2 children, several affairs and 1 STD, the only thing I would change is ME. He is his own person and you are better off walking away. It will only get worse and staying together for the children is still common but can be just as damaging as divorcing. I am sorry for your pain.

Confronting is the worse thing to do. The are no controls anything might happen. Best is to be calm and let some time and self reflection go by. There may have been warning signs for months that things were not happy. You can change YOU! Whether for this or new relationships the inner dynamics may be ignored to the detriment of all.
Do nothing to him or her or their property. This isn't the 50's. These acts will involve the law and are very expensive to you. Get a lawyer? No, they cost money lots of money that could be put to better use if indeed it is over.

Fa-getta-bout HIM! Legally get your ducks in a row. Hit him where it hurts, financially! It will be as painful to him as he has hurt you. Be fair, just know what you and your son are entitled to by law. Men like that never change. They say they will try to make it work (all the while leading a double life) just to avoid any legal obligations due to you and your son. Cuz his cheatin' ass isn't gonna be able to keep the "homewrecker" if he can't afford her! And never, I repeat NEVER believe he will change, they NEVER do. Go to reputable medical-physch web sites and read up on cheaters (female & male). You are a strong, powerful, women. You deserve better!

well.... I was in a similar situation one time, the only time I ever had an affair with another woman. My wife handled it another way. She seduced the woman I was having the affair with. Yeah, that's right. She went to bed with her then made sure I found out.

I have to tell you, that really got my attention once the shoe was on the other foot. That was 25 years ago and my wife and I are still married. Neither of us ever cheated again. I don't recommend cheating for any reason but in our case it worked. We've never looked back.

Here is what you should do:
Keep your anger in check, first of all.
Go to her house, then call the police on your cell phone. Tell them you need the police to come out to where you are. Wait for the police to arrive. Go up to the house, knock on the door, keep it simple and say this:
"Hello, my name is ______, and you are having an affair with my husband. I want you to stop seeing my husband. That is all I have to say. Thank you. Have a great life (or day), or whatever.
The police will file a report that they had to deal with the domestic dispute. If you ever need to file for a divorce later on, it will be on record. Keep a copy of the report.
Go to the clerks office and file for a PPO against the woman so she can never call you or come near you. Tell your husband to knock it off and that a divorce is inevitable if he doesn't knock it off.
With the police being involved, the two of them will cut the affair off in no time at all.
Good Luck!

I was in a similar position many years ago and I confronted the woman. My moto is you can't make anyone do anything they don't want to do. That woman probably knows he's married but only goes by what he tells her but confronting her will ake you look desperate and silly. So it is time to think about helping you b/c your son needs you and it appears that you mentioning your son how he wants his father and you to live back together again. It maybe that the possibility is tha the was seeing this woman before he left home and didn't have the guts to tell you he was cheating but made up a story that he needed time to figure things out b/c the truth be told he had things figured out when he left that is why it was so easy for him to have a relationship outside his marriage and Tyrone is right it is your time and you must be strong for your son rahter his father is in his life or not and please don't talk about his father negatively around him b/c he will end up resenting you not the father. So you have the freedom to get a divorce and remarry when the time is right. But not just to be in a relationship to have a father for your son b/c no man can take his father's place but can be of assistance to you in parenting your son. So my final word is face your demons and change you and be prepared to choose the correct man for you to compliment and he could be the appropriate head for yours and his household.

Dump him. He dumped you. Get out and get your own and make something for yourself. The fact that he gave you warnings means that he really didn't want to be there in the first place. After these warnings, what did you do to try to keep your husband? If you did nothing, then that is probably why he is gone now. If you did something, and he still left, you need to get on with your life.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, everyone is a genius when it comes to other people's problems. The fact of the matter is that you are your own person and if that chump wants to move on, then so be it. There are laws in place to protect people like you. Start the paperwork, get your alimony/child support and move on with the rest of your 1 life that you have.

*Weasel. *got

Excuse the spelling errors.

Well, as someone who was part of the other end of almost this exact same ordeal, let me give you a little insight.

My ex was still married to his wife when we started dating. We didn't begin our 'affair' until he had declared he wanted a divorce, and after they had seperated. She however was relentless. I got all kinds of hatemail and snide 'Homewrecker' attacks from her and her family. Sure, they gave him grief too, but it was more to the extent of them begging him to come back (as well as threatening him and telling him -untruthfully- that he was being a terrible father because of his actions). She tried everything in her power to get me to 'back off' so they could 'fix their marriage'... like it was my fault their relationship had crumbled as it had. She used almost the same wording you did, and insisted their marriage couldn't mend with me in the way.
She was a controlling, hateful woman who tried to force him into religion and kept refusing to let him see his daughter until he 'Saw the light and stopped talking to that homewrecker.' If anything, it was her fault he wanted nothing to do with her, not mine.

I offered him freedom. He could tell me the truth about his feelings, and he could explore and adventure with me. He knew I wouldn't judge him.

Let me tell you...

A) She shouldn't have wanted him back. If he's willing to leave her and go date another woman, it is most obviously over.

B) If he did take her back, what happens next time? I told her the same thing I will tell you "There will always be another Tiffany." Meaning that even if she get him to ditch me, he'd just find another one next time he felt like his life was lacking.

C) It is better to have two seperate parents who have moved on and are happy, than to have two parents who are together and miserable. Your son is better off. I say this from expirience, I was 13 when my parents finally divorced and it is still one of the happiest moments I can recall in my lifetime.

D) If you're trying to control him in his decisions and threaten/wasel him into coming back to you, you're obviously not in love with him. My ex's wife dangled his daughter mercilessly out of reach because he didn't comply. He missed his first father's day as a dad, and his daughter's 1st birthday, all because she was bitter, hateful, and assured it was for his own good. For one, his daughter is a human being, not a bartering tool. For two, I wouldn't cause that kind of pain to someone I were merely friends with, much less someone I loved.

Move on. If he wants to change his ways and come back to you, he'll do it on his own terms and time. Otherwise, you are better off.

Sure, if you want to stop it.

The problem is your husband had left before he actually "really" walked out on you. Its like this, men know when they have lost emotions and feelings for women, but because we dont want to discuss all the things that made us shutdown we just go along with the motions. He basically showed you better than he could tell you by leaving. but whats strange is you never once stated why he kept saying he was goin to leave? Maybe its somethings you purposely left out and to throw a curb ball to the women on here you figured they would say "confront the other woman"- but it looks like the women are overwhelming not in favor because they have read something , and women know women.
We men are much differen than women, it takes alot to build up to where we want to leave, but if its finances, poor hygiene, no motivation and too much complaining- we eventually shutdown. At this point its possible that you need not confront him about wedding vows or anything because he obviously dont care, and he pre-warned you. May as well honestly accept his candid feedback,critique of what went wrong and try to change yourself, because confronting others to blame them as an outside que is easy, but looking inside and allowing God to judge yourself is harder. Dont allow the misguided anger to make things worse. Get counseling and emotionally cut the umbilical cord on him and accept the fact that whats recycled in your brrain about how to fix your marriage is likely what got you to this place. You need to learn techniques, coping skills and parenting skills for when you have to be in his presence for your child.

Bella,
So many of these women are right. You should not contact this women. Yes your husband should stay faithful to you since he made his vows and you took his name. But my question to you is why do you want him to stay with you? Does he treat you well, does he give you want you need, does he show his love and affection to you?
He has told you he wanted to leave you many times.. I take it that the only reason he is with you is for his son. So with that thinking in his mind he is trying to have his happyness outside of the house and to get his needs met while trying to stay inside for his son. But with that being said he is your husband still and you need to make a choice to either tell him to get out or two to tell him that if he doesn't start to make your marriage work then he can just leave. You need to be strong on this, if you p***y foot around him he is not going to change.
The other women is not at fault unless she herself is married. She may have no idea about you or she may have. But its still not her problem its yours.
Put yourself in her shoes. She may have fallen in love with him and doesn't want him to leave, and if he does that means she is getting hurt as well. She may want to confront you and tell you to leave him so she can have him. If ur seperated then he has already left you and is now with her. Why on earth do you want him back, knowing that he has slept with her and he might have contated something as well and you wouldn't have a clue about it. If he does up and leave her for you again the chances are that your marriage will not work out and he will go and do it again.
Pick up the pieces of your life and move on. You will be a much better and stronger mother for doing this, staying in a marriage for a child is the wrong reason. The child will adjust as time goes on, but you won't.

Confronting her with the idea that you will get her to back off is a bad idea. It won't help you reconcile with your husband, it'll most likely enrage him. If, however, she has no idea what is going on than a little bug in her ear might be appreciated...afterall who wants a man or woman who'll take off their wedding band and promise forever? Still you would do better for yourself and your son to get you both some counselling and move on with your lives. Your erstwhile partner might turn it around and be a great father in time but your son needs a strong Mommy who can take care of him and herself. Not to sound preachy mind you, I know this can't be an easy decision for you nor is it a rational time in your life. Get some help and let him go...he might come back but if he doesn't then let him be her problem. Chances are she won't be in his life long either.

Bella Bella, as stated by so many, your issue is with your husband. He is the one that is suppose to be commited to you and your family. I recently started a blog on Your Tango and it discusses double standards between men and women. Infidelity by husbands is being to become too acceptable because we as women believe that the other woman is the problem but they're not. Handle it with him and keep it between you and him. Once you open the door to involve the other woman in this dispute it can have hard consequences on you and your son.

Hell no!
Who married you? Your husband or his girlfriend? Basically he is the one that made the commitment to you, no one else is at fault for the violation of vows here. It is no one's responsibility but his to make sure he keeps it in his pants.
Also remember, usually if someone cheats there is a much larger underlying cause that lies with both members of the relationship. You are not giving him something that he needs, if you don't know off the top of your head what that is then ask. Yes, it could be that he is simply is not interested in you anymore and this could lead toward a huge fight and end in divorce. But be honest to yourself, do you really want to go on being married to someone that you are not compatible with? Would you like to find some one who will actually love, cherish and be faithful to you?

9 years ago I was called a "home wrecker" too, by a woman 14 years my senior who had his kid. She called me to "confront" me, she told me she was going to beat the crap out of me and carve "Bitch" into my face, seriously I didn't even care what she said, you will be wasting your breath. He was living with me. He didn't want her anymore. I didn't even know she existed until she called me threatening me one day. But later we actually became friends because of the treatment by him.

Be a woman, go find someone better, he will do it again, you will thank me.
-signed Homewrecker

Remember - Confronting someone in a domestic dispute escalates quickly and if you are the one harassing her YOU will be the one behind bars, not her. Been there, done that. Just a warning.

No don't confront her. Odds are it would only make you feel worse. She may not be aware that he's married but he knew all along. Yes when she knows she should break it off. When he left he either had his eyes on her or they were involved already. He's not comming back unless she dumps him and he finds himself lacking a warm body. Don't be his doormat I know your son misses his dad but he does not need that kind of exaple of male behavior that is not a healthy environment for him to grow up in. Find a man who treats you well snd let him see that. you deserve it and so does he. Let the ex wallow and swallow.

No. You should not confront her. I am sure she knows how you feel. The only person you should confront is your husband. He is the one who is at fault. While the other woman was willing, it wouldn't have happened if your husband hadn't let it. Confronting her won't give you closure or any answers that you want. It will only make things worse. You need to find your peace without attacking her. The object of your wrath is your husband.

Don't bother with it. He made the decision, and if it's not her, it will be some other woman. I can understand your anger, but it's misdirected. If you should feel anger towards anyone, it should be towards a "man" who would be selfish enough to leave his wife and child. You should be angry towards this "man" who didn't have the guts to tell you that he wasn't happy, but led you to believe that there was a chance to work things out.

Even if that woman wasn't in your husband's life, it's HIS responsibility to try to work things out. There will always be women around, and you can't be angry with each and every single woman who draws your husband's interest. The other woman isn't the problem; she is just a symptom of the real problem.

I was recently "the other woman" and I HAD NO IDEA he was married. We were on the phone all hours of day and night.... he called ALL the time.... !! Day and night - NO IDEA where the wife was...........
BUT: I DO wish his wife would call me, but I suspect she has NO IDEA. I would love to warn her how "smart" he is about his moves. I, at times, almost want to call her..... poor woman.
You might get in touch with her and realize that you two actually share some feelings and situations.... !!
Good luck!

I understand how hard it must be to have the person you love and want to be with be with someone else. Confronting her probably won't do any good. If she feels she has him and she loves him she will not just let him go or leave him for your sake. Did she know he was married when she got involved? Had he already moved out when they got involved? If she had no idea about you or he had already left you before coming involved with her it is really not her fault. Sometimes as hard as is may be to think about it, consider yourself in her position.