Asked by YourTango on
How can i gain back my confidence after having my baby?
My daughter is beautiful and i love her to no end. But what is not beautiful is the body she came from. I feel so disgusting!! ALL the time. I wasn't huge before i got pregnant but a few crunches wouldn't have hurt. My body, of course, didn't "snap back" even close to before and now i can't look in the mirror without crying. My boyfriends coming back from Iraq in November and hasn't seen me since I had Laniyah (that's my baby). I'm worried my lack of confidence and impeccably low self-esteem is going to drive him away. What can I do to pick myself up with next to no income, hardly any "me" time, extremely low energy, and no one to talk to for helpful advice??
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Very few of us look the same after giving birth. I gained almost 100 lbs, but only lost 16 after last child was born. Did he see you while pregnant? Here is the big thing. Since he is coming home from Iraq it is more important to make him feel safe, loved, missed, and at ~home~!
You do not mention if ~your~ daughter is his child, but either way, let him find the glory and joy of a new life and the beauty of your daughter. It may be your crying and "lack of confidence and impeccably low self-esteem" has more to do with Postpartum Depression and the Baby Blues. See, http://familydoctor.org/online/famdocen/home/women/pregnancy/ppd/general...
You need to prepare yourself to be there for him! Our troops coming home are quite possibly NOT the same friends and family that we saw leave. With a new baby-it being about her, and him coming home-it being about him; from now till then eat healthy do simple exercises (see http://www.yourtango.com/archive/comments-by/3382?page=2). Then on the day he comes home make yourself and your daughter pretty, put a smile on your face, and be thrilled that you can see his face, hug his kneck, and feel his sweet lips in a welcome home kiss!
Your attitude is much more important than your body to your bf. I guarantee he will just be happy to see you. A little "weightless" advice...Since you have a baby I'm sure you don't have time to exercise. So don't worry about it. You don't need exercise to lose weight. Eat healthy and make sure you consume fewer calories than you consume.
Use this to calculate your daily caloric needs http://mayoclinic.com/health/calorie-calculator/NU00598 now if consume 500 calories per day less than your needs you will lose 1lb per week. 1000 calorie deficit would result in a 2lb/week loss. Try to keep a good balance of 50% protein - 30% carbs and 20% fat. This is a guideline, not a rule. Don't go crazy with it, make sure you are getting atleast 1200 calories a day. It's not about starving yourself.
You can use a free site like fitday.com to easily keep a food log and track your calories.
When you can, take the stairs or walk rather than drive.
Be patient, its going to take time.
First of all, I think your boyfriend will understand that your body is beautiful because it made and nourished his baby. He misses you. Let him know ahead of time that you are not back to your pre-baby shape, but don't make a big deal of it. Send him photos of you with your beautiful daughter. Let him see your smile and your love.
Try walking with the baby. That will give you some exercise. Exercise can make you feel better as well as look better. Another cheap way to exercise is to get an exercise video from the library. Does the military provide any places for spouses to exercise?
Do what you can to get enough sleep. Getting sleep helps you lose weight. It also will make you happier.
You need some help and support from other moms. Try to find a moms group where you can talk about your problems and get advice. Other moms can trade babysitting with you so you get a little me time.
Being happy may also help you lose weight. It will certainly make you a better mother. You need to realize that you are a top priority. Find a way to make time for you to do things you like. Find a way to get sleep and exercise. Get out of the house. Make friends. Ask for help from family, friends, and church or other community groups. It's really for your baby!!!
Chances are, your harder on yourself then what your husband would ever think. In other words, my guess is that your boyfriend is going to be so happy to see you and I highly doubt he will be thinking ill of you in anyway because your not in tip top shape since you had a baby.
The first thing you need to do is not think the worst and think about your new baby and your boyfriend coming home to see you and your new child together.
If your want some advice to how you can feel a quick boost for yourself and how you feel, this is what I suggest.
Eat healthy and do some aerobics. If for nothing else then the fact that working out is a a known way to help take away stress and also bring back up your energy levels. As that improves, your going to feel even better about yourself.