Asked by iamcitykitty on
Should I be THIS self concious about my body?
I was in a relationship that lasted 8 years and recently ended. I had a baby and gained a TON of weight. The weight is now gone. HOWEVER, I'm so insecure about what my body now looks like that the prospect of re-entering the dating scene and potentially being physical with some one new has me seriously considering being single for the rest of my life. I'm 31, BTW.
I've got stretch marks from breasts to knees, those are looking better with time and I'm slightly ok with that part. The parts that are just really really disturbing to me are my breasts. They sag and the nipples are really extra saggy. I'm so insecure about them that I never want another human to see them again.
I'm I just being stupid here. I want HONEST answers, even if they make me cry, because I don't know that I will ever be comfortable about showing my body and feeling sexy while doing so again.
THANKS!
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I read a book once where the author had had multiple surgeries on her legs growing up. She was very self-conscious and never wanted to turn the lights on during sex. Her boyfriend wanted them on so he could look at her breasts. He wasn't focused on the scars.
I think you can find someone who loves you and focuses on your good points.
I feel your pain. When I got pregnant I weighed 125lbs, at labor I was 210 (I got sick), and in the year afterward I ballooned another 30 (heart problem so doc wouldn't let me exercise). I've gotten a lot of it off, but to look at my body became a very difficult task that involved self-resentment and body image issues. This kept me a single mom (here it is, she's turning seven this fall... ) because I know how important looks can be to people, espacially if they're sleeping with you.
What I've learned is this, many men out there aren't nearly as hung up on our bodies as we are. They're more than happy to accept you how you are and they understand that having children can drastically change the appearance of a woman's body. The real problem is going to be you. If you don't learn to accept yourself, you won't really be able to enjoy your body when you are with someone. It's hard, but look at yourself in the mirror comletely naked, and smile (frowning makes even "perfect" people look aweful).
I'm the last personn to recommend changing yourself but if it really bothers you, talk to your doctor and ask what options are available for restoring your bust to it's former glory (or close to that) because at some point you need to be happy in your own skin. I don't think you're being stupid, a large part of your self image is wrapped up in your skin. I hope you find peace with your body, one way or another.
I can totally relate. While I didn't have a baby, I did gain 40-lbs about 2 years ago and have since kept the sex partners to those who once knew of my former glory. That is until recently... I decided it was time to get back into the swing of things, decided that getting naked with someone could actually help me on my way to bringing sexy back. What I had to tell myself was that "I just had to own it." Psych myself out, tell myself that there was nothing I could do now, so I might as well enjoy it and give him the time of his life. There's nothing less attractive than self-consciousness.
So anyway, my advice is to try and move past your body issues. I didn't, and for two years I was stuck in a rut. Now, while its still painful and I'm always keeping the lights off, I'm owning it. And he's liking it.