Asked by kvs32 on
why can't I overcome jelousy?
I got married at the age of 18 to my high school sweetheart. Due to my parents upbringing, I was a very naive girl. I've been married for 14 years. I am now 32 years old with 2 boys. Through-out my entire relationship with my husband, I have been a jelous person. About 4 years ago, my husband confessed that had been unfaithful to me for about 2 years. He ofcourse appologized and I decided to forgive him, but I cannot forget what he did. This news ofcourse devestated me and I feel like it increased my jelous mindset. I get furious when I catch him staring at other women. I am constantly, wondering if he is still cheating. I tend to over analyze and sometimes struggle with letting me emotions get the best out of me.
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why were you so jealous
Jealousy is a horrible feeling and it sounds like you are torturing yourself with this. No matter what though, it was not your fault. Guys love to blame women for this - they do that "if you hadn't been so jealous" and its a way for them to blame their bad behavior on us. A respectable man does not cheat. If he didn't like your behavior (jealousy) he could have asked for therapy, a seperation, etc. Cheating is the lowest thing you can do in a marriage. I believe you need to get this under control for your own personal well being. Negative feelings breed disease and unrest in your body. You can never be happy with these feelings. I don't blame you for feeling insecure when he looks at other women, especially after he made it very apparent that he is not just looking. I love my husband but if he cheated on me the marriage would be over. How could you ever trust him again? Possibly suggest some marriage counseling and see where you want to go from here. If he refuses, then you may have to seperate. Don't just stay stuck with these horrible feelings though. You can never be happy like this and remember THIS IS HIS FAULT!!! Not yours.
I'm sorry about what happened, but you do have to learn to deal with whatever insecurities that you have. I'm not trying to condone or justify what your husband did, but you do have to realize that your jealousy may have contributed to it.
It's what they call a "self-fulfilling prophecy." That's when you talk something into happening. In your case, your jealousy kept you thinking that your husband would cheat on you. When your mind thinks that way, your actions and behavior reflect what you're thinking. If you start behaving as if he's cheating, his mentality becomes "If she thinks I'm doing it, I might as well."
Like I said, I'm not trying to blame you for what he did, but you do have to work on your jealousy if there's any chance for your marriage to survive. There are always going to be other women around. You have to ask yourself if you love and trust your husband enough to ease up?
Don't be so hard on yourself, let's take a look at the whole picture here. You can't overcome being jealous because the fact is that he cheated on you weither he is sorry or not. You married him at 18 and your 32 now which means at 28 he told you he cheated for two years behind your back.
He choose to be unfaithful and when someone cheats, ALL trust is taken that was once built from a strong foundation when you said your I Do's.
Your angry, your jealous because you have every right to be! He cheated and choose to dishonor your marriage with another person.
In the Bible there are very few instances where God allows divorce but you know what one of those few times are? Infidelity!! Why? Because it shatters every bit of trust and what vows were made.
I'm sorry if this is hard to read but I feel you deserve the truth in a respectful but honest way. Please don't be hard on yourself, you feel what you do and he can tell you he is sorry but with something like this, it's better to just move on and leave him in my opinion because your never going to see him in the same way you once did before he cheated on you.
I really pray that somehow what I've said here helps you in some way. I'm sorry to hear that your husband did that to you. I was never married but I had a girlfriend one time who cheated on me, she said she was sorry but I could never trust her around other men after that so I broke it off with her and I never regret leaving after she cheated on me.