Asked by jasminegrrl09 on
Virgin for Life??
My boyfriend and I have tried to have sex like, a billion times, but we just can't! I can only think about the pain and he's trying so hard to calm me down that he can't stay up and then he wants me to do reverse missionary which i am totally against because he thinks it'll be easier but i can't... help? advice? I just want us to be happy in every way...
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Have you ever tried going to a doctor. I mean both of you together, you should talk about this with your bf and doctor, not with us folks full of bullshit we are.
It sounds like you feel like you wanna do it more to prove your love than anything else. If that's the case, maybe your body is telling you that you're not physically ready yet, even though in your heart you are.
Dude...it doesn't hurt. Unless your b/f is the next Ron Jeremy it's not going to hurt very much (if any) with proper lubrication (either natural or store bought). Nonetheless, if you're ready and have protection handy, quit whining and do it. Gees.
i appreciate all of your answers. I'm not being pressured into this, i just want to show him i love him. it's my choice. but i can't go to the dr. i think i'm more scared of that then i am of the sex itself....*shudders* and to answer alphabete's question, he hasn't been able to penetrate at all...
maybe i should add that i hate being fingered and i don't use tampons...if that makes a difference... :(
Go to the doctor and make sure there is no medical issues getting in the way. Go. No excuses, just go. You should always take a trip to the doc before you start being sexually active. If you can't afford it go to a local free clinic or go to planned parenthood, they can help you figure out if the pain is medical and what to do about it.
It's important that you figure out the source of the pain, as well. Have you talked to your OB/GYN about this? Your answer doesn't specify whether he has already managed to penetrate/deflower you and the pain is from the sex act itself, or whether your hymen is very powerful and has not/cannot be broken, or whether you are afraid to even really make the attempt.
Q is right, if it is a case of not really wanting to have sex and feeling like you should, don't. It's your body and you're not a lending library and you shouldn't have to do anything with it that you are not comfortable with.
If it is actual physical pain, then it may be time to go to the doctor. A lot of times a hymen can be difficult to break and a doctor can tidily and quickly remedy this for you. If your hymen has been broken and you still feel pain, hie yourself thither to the doctor right away! That's called dyspareunia and can have many and varied causes, and should be looked at.
As far as reverse missionary, which I believe you used to mean girl-on-top, why do you feel you cannot do it? Is it a self-confidence/body issue image or are you afraid it will hurt worse? That position, in fact, gives the woman much more control over the angle and depth of penetration and allows you to take it very slowly if you so choose.
I fully understand how your BF feels. I've been with one virgin, and I know it can be difficult that first time. I'm sure the other women here can give you better advice, but for me and my ex, after months of trying she finally asked her sister.
The whole time my ex thought that she was supposed to relax her hips and legs, but her sister told her to relax her pelvis and vaginal muscles. It did the trick.
Another way to look at this though is that maybe its a sign you aren't supposed to have sex yet? It doesn't sound like you are against it, but like you are still really scared of the act. I just wonder if maybe you're being pressured into it or feel like you have to because you both have been together for a year and a half.