Asked by hotmama30 on
How do you know if your partner of 8 yrs is still in love with you?
I have been with this man for 8 years and we have 1 child together but it seems like al we do lately is fight and bicker over the craziest things and it's the same fight all the time. We have hardly any intimacy anymore and we are a young couple in our thirties we should be alot happier together don't you think?
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No, I don't think you should be happier. This happens. All marriages go through times and periods like this. Call a truce and put some topics off limits for a while, if you can, take a weekend away. Change your scenery. take a min-vacation without him. Love is a decision and for 8 years you have both chosen to be with each other, so yes there is love here. You two are just going through a rough spot. Black Iris has some great suggestions. Try them out.
Actually, the fact that you two are still fighting is better than if you weren't. I think he probably is still in love with you.
But yes, you should be a lot happier. It's hard to figure out what's going on with so little information. Sometimes people fight a lot because they are simply stressed out due to job and money problems. Having a small child often makes people fight a lot more because they're tired. Not having sex can make people fight - and then they really don't want to have sex.
Here are some suggestions that might help:
1) Learn more about how to fight well. There are articles on the site or books you can read on this subject. Keep the fight to one issue, don't drag in everything he's ever done. Find ways to back down/de-escalate. Stop and try to listen to his point of view. Take a break and come back to the argument when you've cooled down. Ask yourself if you're fighting because you're tired or hungry. Try to figure out what's really bothering you.
2) Make time to spend together without your baby. Eat dinner together. Sit and talk. Go on a date, even if it's just a walk. Put the baby to bed and watch a video. Go to bed at the same time so you can have sex. Make each other a real priority.
3) Go to marital therapy for help learning how to fight/communicate.