Asked by Beachluvinmommy on
How do I bring the love back into my relationship?
My husband & I have been married for 5 years. We have a 3 1/2 year old son and a 2 year old son. My husband snores - which makes it very difficult to sleep with him - so, I've taken to sleeping with my kids in their Queen bed - just to ensure that I get a good night's sleep. My husband has an apnea machine - but won't use it. My husband also has low testosterone levels - but won't use the medication because it's too expensive. He NEVER gives me compliments or ever says anything nice or appreciative to me. We never touch, kiss, hold hands.....anything. We haven't had sex in........months?
I can't even remember. I am miserable. I feel unloved and certainly not desirable. Can you tell me what we should do? I'm thinking divorce - but I'd hate to put my kids through that.
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Lyz gives the best outcome with great insight. I went through a similar situation that did not work out.
My ex-wife did not have your attitude or the will to work things out. She shut herself down and shut me out over what turned out to be a six year period. That led to our demise and eventual divorce. It was a VERY tought decision because of my son, which is why I stayed so long. Being that you WANT to do the right thing, you're already going in the right direction and following Lyz's advice WILL bring you success.
Good luck!
First of all, I think a lot of people go through things like this so you are not alone. Second of all, if you want to get the love back in your relationship you have to go back to bed with your husband. Your husband could feel frustrated and rejected so put aside your own complaints and think about how he feels. I know its not fair, but that's the only way to get through these humps.
Then, talk to him. Tell him you love him so much, tell him that you miss sleeping with him and sharing those intimate moments. Ask him if he doesn't want to use the apnea machine if he will try something else, because you miss him. Frame everything you say with kindness and remind him that you are frustrated because you want to be with him, not because he is doing anything bad.
Then start complimenting him. Touch him. Kiss him. Be loving and kind toward him. Do nice appreciative things for him. Don't make it quid pro quo, but give it your best shot. If you have to (and I have to do this sometimes) remind yourself of the reasons you love him (make a list if you have to). Love isn't always 50/50. Sometimes its 90/10 (you giving 90, him giving 10). But that's what it takes sometimes. Also, consider a get away without the kids.
Even if you're just staying at the Ramada. Get away with him and reconnect.