Asked by Craigsgrl1 on
How can I get my Man not to talk to his ex-girlfriend anymore?
She isn't a part of our lives yet he still keeps in touch with her even though their are no ties to her anymore.
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Thank you Phenominal, I don't know what to do sometimes and I hate it when he mentions her because he acts like I should care which I don't. I certainly don't expect him to care for my ex-boyfriends(who are all losers) and she is a loser too and I wish he would see that she just uses him.
I am experianceing the same problem,I honestly feel like your past is the past for a reason,theirs obviously a reason she didn't make it to his future.And the question I keep asking myself is,why is he keeping her around.I can't give you an answer right now,as I haven't figured out what I'm going to do just yet.And I'm not one to preach about what I don't practice.But,I can tell you,that it doesn't really matter,because one day,we'll both get tired of sharing and the questions won't matter anymore.So,untill then,stay strong and know that your not alone.
I agree with Symian, but I'm a little curious about something else, only because of how much I deal with this with my GF.
I have a couple of really good friends that are exes, and my GF doesn't understand it at all. They are friends and nothing more, and quite often give me really great guidance because they know me so well.
My GF doesn't like it because of the number of her exes that cheated on her with their exes. So she gets a little crazy sometimes and doesn't ask me, but attacks me when it comes to anything having to do with another woman, no matter if she is friend, co-worker, old school chum, whatever. Because I know my GF's past and because she also gave me full warning about this type of behaviour happening I've learned how to navigate when this pops up. Doesn't last long when it happens and she apologizes and laughs afterwards.
So, question is, are you attacking him with this? Is this something that you harped on him A LOT before it ever got to the point of him just getting angry and yelling about it when you ask? Does he understand how you feel about it and why?
I'm not saying that you are at fault or he is at fault, but just trying to get more perspective on it. I'll admit, it gets pretty tiring when my GF starts to get nuts over nothing when we've gone over it before...it wears on my patience and there are a couple times that I just want to snap back at her, and have done so once or twice, and she has learned to be careful about what she asks me as I'll tell her the truth, even when she doesn't want to hear it.
Its not just what you say to him, but the tones you are using as well.
Uhm, if you asked him and all he can do is yell, then why are you staying with someone who can't be straighforward and honest with you? If a man is going to take the time to keep in touch with a woman because of a child that isn't his, he's going to take a part in that child's life and he's going to be proud of that child. If he isn't actually being a part of the child's life, then he's probably lying about something. If the issue is not completely worked out then the situation has not been resolved and you can expect problems to crop back up in the future.
Be careful of making excuses for him and your relationship or you're going to end up in a very unhappy and lonely place.
I agree with Symian, and I would also add that you should let him know how it makes you feel. If it makes you feel uncomfortable, then you should tell him. You can express your feelings without sounding insecure, and hopefully without arguing.
I have asked him and he just gets mad whenever I do. He says he keeps in touch because of the kid(that isn't his and he never see's) so to me it is pointless. The last time I we argued about this I got no answers I just got yelled at, but we did work things out but in many respects this issue is not resolved.
Ask him why he feels the need to keep in touch with her when she adds nothing positive to your relationship. The only time we keep people in our lives is when we feel that we are getting something out of them (love, companionship, confidence, sex, friendship, intimacy), these are the reasons that draw and keep us together. If he's still in touch with her, it's because there is something that she is providing him (although this DOES NOT mean he's cheating, she may be the only person he knows that understands the mysterious properties of anti-matter) that he isn't getting elsewhere or that he doen't think he can find elsewhere.
Ask him (DO NOT accuse him of ANYTHING!!!) why he feels the need to keep in touch with her and why he feels the need to talk to her. You might here something you don't want to know. You might be relieved to learn that it's something completely benign. You might be met with anger and resistance to your line of questioning (think about your relationship really hard if this is the result). Once you have some sort of answer, you need to make a decision based on how you feel about what he has said.
Good Luck!!
When you find out let me know...I am dealing with the same thing.