How soon before introducing him to the child?
I have been in a relationship for a year (yay!) but it's actually the only relationship that I've been in since shortly after my daughter (almost 7 now) was concieved. Because she has a very active social life (weekends at Nana's, church, dance classes, swim classes) I've managed to schedule almost all of my dates for nights when I know she won't be home. I have never really discussed my personal life with her (or lack thereof) and only recently has it come to be of interest to her.
I haven't hidden him from my family, he's met both of my parents and has conversations with my sister. We also have a shared associate or two through work and friends, but I've shielded little Monkey because I never wanted her to share in any heartbreak I might experience.
Sooooo, I think I'm ready to introduce him to her because I feel that our relationship has stability and longevity, and he's been bringing up the marriage word.
Although I completely feel that based on some events of my past I have done the right thing in keeping her sheltered, I'm curious to know how other people deal with this same situation. I see so many of my friends' living with men coming in and out of their lives and I feel so bad that they don't have stability in their home (did I mention my guy's never been to my house??) . I feel like my home is her sanctuary and she shouldn't have to feel like someone is leaving her because they don't want to be with her mommy. Am I strange or overprotective? I'm just curious to see how everyone else sees this topic.
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As a single guy without kids it was my only real hang-up about possibly dating someone with a kid, or kids. I like kids, but I don't want to be part of some parade of men coming in and out of their lives, so I can really appreciate how much thought you've given to when it would be time for your Monkey to meet your man. This may be the last piece to help you "let go" a little more in your relationship with him, if Monkey and Man get along...but with as patient, understanding, and caring as he has been with you I bet your daughter will take to him in no time.
I don't see it as overprotective. If a man comes to your house, it should be because there is some substance to the relationship. How much have you told your daughter about this guy? If he's bringing up the subject of marriage, I would hope that at some point, you've told her that mommy has a friend. It would be a big shock to her system if you introduce her to him, then not too much later, marriage talks begin around her.
There's no set timetable for this. It all goes on your comfort level. I went through the same thing with my fiancee (wondering when the time was right). You should begin thinking about it, though. There has to be some time for them to interact. She has to get used to seeing him and just knowing that he's in your life. She has to get used to sharing you, you know.
