Asked by kandirosie on
Do I listen to my heart or my brain?
We live 3,000 miles apart. If I live where he is I will have nothing. No home, no job, no form of support. I will literally be on the street. He doesn't want to leave the state where his family is to come live with me where there are job opportunities. He's saying that if I don't come stay with him, it's going to be over. Do I listen to my heart and believe that love can find a way? Or do I listen to my brain, being financially secure, but with out the one I love?
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UPDATE!!!!!!
Thanks so much for all the advice you guys! He's going to be moving here in February with a mutual friend and her boyfriend. He's actually really excited about it, and he's excited he won't be missing the holidays with his family.
Again thanks for the advice. I hope everything works out for every one of you too.
I think he doesn't really care about you. It's difficult to accept but if he really loves you he wouldn't have told you to make a choice. He would accept to come where you live, to try to find a job there or at least offer you a place to live in his state and maybe some financial opportunities...
well i agree with all of them the love is not there he shouldnt be making u choose like that and i would tell him that cuz if he really cares he try something and wouldnt treaten to end it if u dont move up there especially if he know s that theres nothing there for u except him and as hard as it would be i think id say f him
i don't really think he truly loves you, because if he really does he will never ever put you under pressure , and won't make you to choose... why everything must be as he wants? he wants you to live with him , or relationship will be over.... that's not correct... tell him what you want...and if you got such question it means you have doubts, and so listen to your brain, it will be better for you, and believe me, you will met the right person.
From a male perspective, this guy doesn't sound like he's willing to put forth an effort or at least to meet you half way. Why can't you stay with him for a period of time? Why hasn't he opened his door to you without the conditions?
If he's really in love with you and wanting to make a more serious commitment, he would extend himself for your comfort and peace of mind instead of leaving you out there on your own and causing all ofthe stress. What ever happened to giving someone your all?
If he loved you he'd have you some where to stay.
I can sense the love on your end, but where's the love on HIS end? How does he get off with an ultimatum like that?
The writing's on the wall. If he's acting like this now, then you know what to expect if you move out there with him. You need to look at this for what it really is.
Is he proposing marriage? Sure, that's a big commitment, but so is moving 3000 miles to live somewhere without a job.
How long have you two been together?
Has he ever moved for you?
How well do you know him - have you lived in the same place before? Have you had a chance to see his character in action? Do you know if the two of you can live together without driving each other crazy?
What are your chances of getting a job when you're there?
Has he offered you any form of financial security? Is he planning to pay for a place for you to live? Would he buy you a round-trip ticket?
Most of all, WHY is he telling you that if you don't come live with him, it's over? How does that fit with love??????
So I guess I'd say, if you've been together a few years and lived together for part of the time and he moved for you in the past, go for it. My sweetie and I followed each other across the country and back, but we knew each other well enough to really trust each other by then.
But if you don't know him that well, no matter how much you love him, take it one step at a time. Arrange to visit first, preferably for a long time. Look around for work. Ask him to find someone you can stay with or a place you can rent for a low price.